I am weary. Married almost 20 years, never really great but never really awful. Both of us came with issues and baggage that likely should have been dealt with before marriage but wasn't. Many years of marriage counseling, marriage seminars, familiar with love languages, Love and Respect, His needs/Her needs - all of it is great material, none of it seems to make an impact. No abuse, no affairs, not very many smiles. I don't drink, I don't hunt, fish or have any real friends. I do have a few hobbies and I pursue those as time allows but don't consider them a significant part of my life. It feels like all I really do is work - as many as four jobs, take care of my home responsibilities including my kids and fight with my wife. Sex is OK at about once a week.
I'm checked out and I'm trying hard to re-engage but it isn't working. For about the last six months it feels like almost every conversation turns into a fight. When I try to bless her by doing something that she needs to do like a project for work or school, I end up doing or saying something wrong and get my a** kicked. I'm tired of it. I know we need to spend more time together but when it usually ends in a fight, the incentive just isn't there.
I have three great kids who I know are impacted by this (they are smart and old enough to be perceptive) but I am devoted to them and I am reluctant to leave. I recognize that at some point this becomes selfish. I am certain she feels the exact same way. We are also in a place financially where it would be difficult to support two households. I have never considered leaving my home but honestly, I'm getting there.
I don't seek another relationship. Married twice, failed twice, the common denominator is me. The biggest part of me believes that even though I'm told I'm a pretty decent guy, in close, significant relationships all I really cause is hurt. It kills me to face the truth of this. I probably fit the definition of a "nice guy" as this website defines it and to a certain extent, I know that I am. Having said that, I do like serving people (it's my strongest love language) and I am kind but I have boundaries and don't feel as though I'm a doormat.
I've thought of suicide but won't do it - no worries there - even though it seems like an easy way out in the end it is an incredibly selfish act. In rereading this, I feel pathetic but I honestly don't know what to do. I know I'm not alone but it doesn't seem like many marriages recover from this sentiment either. Any ideas?
I'm checked out and I'm trying hard to re-engage but it isn't working. For about the last six months it feels like almost every conversation turns into a fight. When I try to bless her by doing something that she needs to do like a project for work or school, I end up doing or saying something wrong and get my a** kicked. I'm tired of it. I know we need to spend more time together but when it usually ends in a fight, the incentive just isn't there.
I have three great kids who I know are impacted by this (they are smart and old enough to be perceptive) but I am devoted to them and I am reluctant to leave. I recognize that at some point this becomes selfish. I am certain she feels the exact same way. We are also in a place financially where it would be difficult to support two households. I have never considered leaving my home but honestly, I'm getting there.
I don't seek another relationship. Married twice, failed twice, the common denominator is me. The biggest part of me believes that even though I'm told I'm a pretty decent guy, in close, significant relationships all I really cause is hurt. It kills me to face the truth of this. I probably fit the definition of a "nice guy" as this website defines it and to a certain extent, I know that I am. Having said that, I do like serving people (it's my strongest love language) and I am kind but I have boundaries and don't feel as though I'm a doormat.
I've thought of suicide but won't do it - no worries there - even though it seems like an easy way out in the end it is an incredibly selfish act. In rereading this, I feel pathetic but I honestly don't know what to do. I know I'm not alone but it doesn't seem like many marriages recover from this sentiment either. Any ideas?