Absolutely NOT... how we respond to their bringing this to our attention....this is where the Drama... if any....begins.If you partner comes to you and talks to you about how they felt about something that you said, do you consider it drama?
Are emotions drama?
That can be the case I agree.Like "over done" ..Having said that if the simple statement of "you didn't pick up our child from school because you wanted to do something I thought wasn't a good reason " is met with "you always have something to complain about" and sarcastic "sorry I'm not perfect like you ".That also can turn it INTO a 4 hour conversation that in the end has nothing to even do with your original expression of dissapointment.With the original party of the complaint being critisized /dismissed and dragged through the mud with a dozen more hurts and dissapointments to "get over".Drama is what happens when someone's reactions are far out of propotion to what they're complaining about. Instead of "You didn't pick up our child from school because you wanted to do something that I thought wasn't a good reason" turns into a four hour discussion = drama.
Dallasapple, this is spot on to what is going on. It hurts so deep when I just say to him that something felt like a put down. It does go into a 4 hour argument, but not because that is what I want, but because he is avoiding the conversation. ANY negative emotions cannot be discussed with him. UGH!Oh and I will add..its very damaging in the long run to have your feelings dismissed and mocked and critisized as "drama" if its the running theme.There is no better understanding or learning going on between the 2 for one.And secondly but no less damaging is you never get closure so those feelings not understood validated just get stacked up over the years and what were mole hills that could have been resolved become a collective mountain.They may continue to spill out and then are rejected again as "holding a grudge" or "never getting over it" or keeping a list of wrongs.Which further antagonizes you .Eventually you have just an overall feeling of hurt/ negativity /resentment but you can't put your finger on any "one thing" that caused you to feel this way.Then the next step (for the conflict avoider) usually is to accuse you of "always being angry".Its also common in my experience for them to issue sometimes a shallow apology just to get you to shut up.And you know this then the accsusation is another cut down/critisism to "add" to the list of hurts that "sorry isn't good enough for you".
Well then you are dealing with whats called a "conflict avoider" it sounds like a good thing but its NOT.We WILL have conflict its "unavoidable' and we have to "hash it out' .Denying it doesnt make it "go away"..This type also includes "stonewalling" after the "4 hour" crazy cycle (bringing up a mole hill that they go in circles trying to dodge) then you get the silent treatment?Thats the time they refuse to "discuss it any further"..your frustrated to the point you feel like you want to explode..while they act like you basically dont exist unless its to talk about "whats for dinner" KNOWING you are still upset.Until eventually you get so exhuasted from the silence and by then anger.. you smush it down .They believe they "won the standoff" you finally "got over it" like you should have in the first place and YOU made a "big deal out of nothing".Rinse and repeat.Dallasapple, this is spot on to what is going on. It hurts so deep when I just say to him that something felt like a put down. It does go into a 4 hour argument, but not because that is what I want, but because he is avoiding the conversation. ANY negative emotions cannot be discussed with him. UGH!
Thank you for all of your replies everyone! I appreciate them very much!
And even that.They will DENY they don't give a crap about your feelings.And then say "they just dont get bothered over things like that ..you are just "more sensitive" than them..(too sensitive).They don't "like to argue" ..so they let things "roll off" their shoulders..i.e ..You are too sensitive..they are more balanced ...you like to argue...the enjoy peace and harmony.If someone said your emotions are drama it's because they truly don't give a crap about how you feel and aren't in tune with their own feelings.
This is just my experience with emotionally unavailable people.
Lets just say I've "been around the block".Took me 20+ years to figure out what I just described and what you "call it' and that I'm NOT bat **** crazy (not in that way at least) unless I was DRIVEN to it by covert aggression /avoidance/being told I'm "too sensitive" /dismsissed in a way he was "rational one" critisisims disguised as "helping me" "jokes" that no one was laughing but him also made me have "no sense of humor" etc..Whoa. That just summed up the last 6 months of my marriage. LOL dang.
Its hard to "identify" because its more "subtle" and you start to doubt your self and wonder if they are right.And it WILL drive you crazy if you don't know the "game" .So then you may BECOME hypersensitive..suspicious...feel guilty..develop low self esteem etc..My fog was thick when I didn't see things for what they are/were in my marriage. Love is blind, I guess. But now...dang...it's nice to have emotions again and to NOT feel bad about having them and to be able to hash it out with someone without fear they are going to leave or walk away. Or laugh!
OP, if you feel invalidated or disrespected or put down, then you are. I don't know what to tell you because i've been there myself and didn't truly SEE it.