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I know some one who has been having a full-blown affair. The spouse has no clue.

Basically this was me a few years ago and I was the unsuspecting spouse.

It just burns me how this cheater justifies the lies and I so want this cheater busted.

I could never do it because it most certainly come back to me but I can't stand cheaters.

I dont think its any of my business but I want them exposed.

Thoughts?

28 year marriage, two kids.
 

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It's a question that comes up now and then.

My thinking is that if it's people close to me and I care about them I go to the betrayer and tell them they have 24 hours to confess all or I will have to- even it means the end of the friendship. Fish or cut bait.

If it's people I really don't know then it's none of my business.

Anyway, my $0.02.
 

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I have always been a 'canary.' I would want to know, but I know there are others that wouldn't want to.
As far as life goes, it's never to late to start fresh! Doesn't the BS deserve honesty in their marriage?
I like thatbpguy's recommendation of 24 hours, but I say drop a hint in the mail, by email or anonymous phone call. It'll allow the BS to decide how and if to proceed with discovering the affair.
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Basically this was me a few years ago and I was the unsuspecting spouse.
Would you have wanted someone to tell you? Or are you happy that your friends/family just let you live in ignorance? Personally, I would want to know.

It just burns me how this cheater justifies the lies and I so want this cheater busted.

I could never do it because it most certainly come back to me but I can't stand cheaters.
Why would it matter if it came back to you. Are you talking about exposing your boss? Your mother? Myself, I am not interested in being friends with an adulterer. And I would enjoy having a reputation as a guy that will immediately expose any affair that he sees.

I dont think its any of my business but I want them exposed.

Thoughts?

28 year marriage, two kids.
Again, I would expose. But I think we all have a moral obligation to each other. I could not see someone walking unawares toward a cliff and think that it was none of my business. I would feel obligated to warn that person about the danger he was in.

And I wouldn't even go as far as to give the cheater the opportunity to come clean. I would go straight to the loyal spouse and tell him, or her, the information you have.
 

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My thinking is that if it's people close to me and I care about them I go to the betrayer and tell them they have 24 hours to confess all or I will have to- even it means the end of the friendship. Fish or cut bait.



I agree with this. I am by no means perfect but I don't believe turning a blind eye. Telling the betrayer he/she has 24 hours though can give them tie to fabricate a story. They are expert liars so...

You will be hated for doing it, but I believe it is the right thing to do.
 

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I would want to be told.

In fact, my view on this is as follows: as a society we are told to "tell" on other people all the time. If a child is being abused, you're supposed to report it. If you witness a crime, you're supposed to report it, etc. BUT, if we witness a person breaking their sworn marriage vows by cheating, often we say nothing. WHY ?

I believe if the accepted social norm was to report cheaters, there would probably be a lot less cheating !
 

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I would want to be told.

In fact, my view on this is as follows: as a society we are told to "tell" on other people all the time. If a child is being abused, you're supposed to report it. If you witness a crime, you're supposed to report it, etc. BUT, if we witness a person breaking their sworn marriage vows by cheating, often we say nothing. WHY ?

I believe if the accepted social norm was to report cheaters, there would probably be a lot less cheating !
:iagree::iagree:
 
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I know some one who has been having a full-blown affair. The spouse has no clue.

Basically this was me a few years ago and I was the unsuspecting spouse.

It just burns me how this cheater justifies the lies and I so want this cheater busted.

I could never do it because it most certainly come back to me but I can't stand cheaters.

I dont think its any of my business but I want them exposed.

Thoughts?

28 year marriage, two kids.
What is the relationship of the BS to you?

If they are a friend or family....THEN SAY SOMETHING. Watching a friend or family member getting hurt and doing nothing about it is wrong.
 

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I would want to be told!!!!! So many people knew. Now I have trouble looking at them or being around them without feeling some manner of contempt toward them for not telling me. My SIL said "I didn't want to hurt you". Guess how that worked out?

If you don't want to use email or go through making up an anonymous email, find a free text message website and send an anonymous text with as much info in it as you can. Just be aware the person cannot reply to your message if he/she has questions.
 

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I think the BS needs to know too.

If you want to be stealthy about it, get a free email account, send all the info you have to the BS (without info that would give away your ID) and then cancel the email account
 

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Most want to know, I know I did and the people that knew wished that they had said something to me sooner.
 

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Hmm,no, it's not. But it's actually also no one else's business if one spouse physically abuses the other, but what are we supposed to do, stay and watch? we have to intervene. If we don't have the guts to engage in a fight to defend the victim, we just call the police. Same here.
If you are not comfortable confronting the WS, simply send the BS an anonymous letter or e-mail. Make sure to include all details and proof possible.
 

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I would want to be told.

When my son's father cheated, a lot of people knew but no one told me. When I realized this I dumped them all as friends. A friend would have told me. Anyone who did not just helped my husband cheat and helped to make a fool out of me.
 
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