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So, my wife and I have been married for almost 7 years. 2 kids, mortgage and a shedload of debt that comes with it all...

Past year has been pretty crappy, 2 pretty stupid arguements and a significant lack of sex. I genuinely don't remember when we last french kissed...

The physical side of our relationship has been shocking, I'm mad about my wife, I know she has some physical hangups about her body image but it absolutely doesn't bother me one bit.

Long story short, I found something in her handbag when popping a little love letter in which sparked some fears. I should have just come out with it but I went and did the stupid thing of looking through her cloud photos and found some pictures of her I was pretty shocked to see and quite hurt to think I have no place in her sex life if that's what she gets up to. We all get off on different things, just sucks that she has no interest in me.

I know I did the wrong thing snooping, I severely damaged trust and if our marriage makes it out alive I'll be beyond amazed. I don't want any sympathy, I messed up.

So if this goes belly up is it really that bad? I mean we sleep apart because our kids are awful sleepers and if they get in I sleep through it, my wife doesn't. I always do the washing, I hoover, the dishwasher gets done and the rabbit gets fed.

Now I'll be gutted because we were sweethearts from our teens but evidently something just isn't right. We don't have sex, we don't cuddle, we don't share the same bed.

Am I hanging on to something for the kids, the nostalgia? At the end of the day I just want to be loved and happy, and my wife deserves that too if she isn't.

Advice from anyone welcome, I just get the feeling I'm holding on for something that won't happen.

And I'll take the flak for snooping from the community, not my proudest moment. Won't be repeated.
 

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Nothing wrong with getting to the bottom of this. That said, she on the edge. With the love letter and all other that's included. Question is are you going to play the pick me dance, or are you going to be the man with strength in your marriage?
 

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So, my wife and I have been married for almost 7 years. 2 kids, mortgage and a shedload of debt that comes with it all...

Past year has been pretty crappy, 2 pretty stupid arguements and a significant lack of sex. I genuinely don't remember when we last french kissed...

The physical side of our relationship has been shocking, I'm mad about my wife, I know she has some physical hangups about her body image but it absolutely doesn't bother me one bit.

Long story short, I found something in her handbag when popping a little love letter in which sparked some fears. I should have just come out with it but I went and did the stupid thing of looking through her cloud photos and found some pictures of her I was pretty shocked to see and quite hurt to think I have no place in her sex life if that's what she gets up to. We all get off on different things, just sucks that she has no interest in me.

I know I did the wrong thing snooping, I severely damaged trust and if our marriage makes it out alive I'll be beyond amazed. I don't want any sympathy, I messed up.

So if this goes belly up is it really that bad? I mean we sleep apart because our kids are awful sleepers and if they get in I sleep through it, my wife doesn't. I always do the washing, I hoover, the dishwasher gets done and the rabbit gets fed.

Now I'll be gutted because we were sweethearts from our teens but evidently something just isn't right. We don't have sex, we don't cuddle, we don't share the same bed.

Am I hanging on to something for the kids, the nostalgia? At the end of the day I just want to be loved and happy, and my wife deserves that too if she isn't.

Advice from anyone welcome, I just get the feeling I'm holding on for something that won't happen.

And I'll take the flak for snooping from the community, not my proudest moment. Won't be repeated.
i feel for you mate but imo ask your self what do you want and have you talked to each other about your feelings about if like if you both feel the same way and can separate on good terms your children will still get both the attention and love from both you and your partner even if you separated. hope that's helpfull
 

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I for one am not going to admonish you for snooping. Sometimes it needs to be done. Your spouse should have nothing to hide. Did you find something that indicates she is cheating? Does she seem to have some kind of fetish that she hasnt been sharing with you? It sounds like she is quite checked out of the marriage. What have you been doing to try and work on things? Why are you the one doing everything around the house? If she isnt willing to work on things, tell her she can get out, you got it handled.

Things on the other side of divorce can be awesome, depends on your situation. I personally have never regretted my divorces. You cant fix your marriage by yourself.
 

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It's because if she has sex with you it's cheating on her other man, she's monkey branching, looking for the best deal. Is it one of your friends?
 

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I for one am not going to admonish you for snooping. Sometimes it needs to be done. Your spouse should have nothing to hide. Did you find something that indicates she is cheating? Does she seem to have some kind of fetish that she hasnt been sharing with you? It sounds like she is quite checked out of the marriage. What have you been doing to try and work on things? Why are you the one doing everything around the house? If she isnt willing to work on things, tell her she can get out, you got it handled.

Things on the other side of divorce can be awesome, depends on your situation. I personally have never regretted my divorces. You cant fix your marriage by yourself.
i agree with you actually mate well said :smile2:
 

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Suggested reading for you: The Dead Bedroom Fix

Your situation may very well be too far gone, but you need a bit of a wake-up call.

One of the most common things I hear from my readers is, "My wife hated her body. She only would get undressed in the dark. She wouldn't let me touch her. And then... I discovered (enter awful sexual secret here)." Your wife is a human being. Humans have sexual and intimacy needs. That energy needs to come out in some way. It sounds like you found out what her outlet is.
 

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Married people should have no secrets, except when they go to the toilet. What were the pictures you found? Depending on what they are she could have low self esteem, poor boundaries, poor judgment, an affair, or all of the above.
 

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Depends on what you found.

Pictures of her in bed with another guy warrants a different response than, say, pictures of bondage gear.

Some things are things you could maybe explore together and she’s just afraid to tell you, others are indications that your marriage ended a long time ago and she just didn’t actually tell you that.

So, what was it that you found?
 

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Yeah, the snooping thing you need to let go...

You sound like a millennial with your ideas about relationship and privacy.

In a marriage, most grown ups, believe that the is not expectation of privacy. Others feel different.

BUT, the sex was off and you had every right to find out why. So she is into something, a fetish, that she never told you about?????

Dude, that is a problem. Odds are that this is not something new so she kind of married under false pretenses.

So, what are you going to do. If you are freaked out by her fetish, then I think divorce is in the future.

Is it something you can join in or is it not something like that.

Something has to change one way or another...
 

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I wish I was a millennial, I'm 35 lol

I suppose my hang ups on privacy are driven by my wife's expectations, she's fuming with me.

I'd found a pregnancy test in her handbag, should've just asked as she said she got it for someone at work who was too embarrassed to do it.

The pictures were some crazy raunchy selfies, proper hot and wish I'd been sent them. Dress up, writing on herself, suggestively open onesies. Now she says they're for her in an attempt to feel sexy and try to get her sex drive back on track. She said she doesn't feel "connected", I just found them insane to be taking pictures like that of yourself for your own pleasure but I'm not judging I've got my own kinks and we all get horny!

I dunno whether it's all just a mess now and what is there to save?
 

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That's what I can't get my head around, I get having some kinky fun in your own time but the volume and graphic nature of those pictures was just off.

Anyway my question is "is divorce that bad?"
 

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I wish I was a millennial, I'm 35 lol

I suppose my hang ups on privacy are driven by my wife's expectations, she's fuming with me.

I'd found a pregnancy test in her handbag, should've just asked as she said she got it for someone at work who was too embarrassed to do it.

The pictures were some crazy raunchy selfies, proper hot and wish I'd been sent them. Dress up, writing on herself, suggestively open onesies. Now she says they're for her in an attempt to feel sexy and try to get her sex drive back on track. She said she doesn't feel "connected", I just found them insane to be taking pictures like that of yourself for your own pleasure but I'm not judging I've got my own kinks and we all get horny!

I dunno whether it's all just a mess now and what is there to save?
the reason she is fuming with you is because you found them out.

dude: there are so many red flags here, i don't know where to start. your wife is up to nooooo good. Sorry friend and i know what is feels like, i've been there.
 

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That's what I can't get my head around, I get having some kinky fun in your own time but the volume and graphic nature of those pictures was just off.

Anyway my question is "is divorce that bad?"
Depends on how you define "bad". Are you okay with being alone? That in and of itself shouldn't stop you from getting a divorce but it is a big negative for a lot of divorcees.

Do you think your wife is posting those pics on a forum or website? I know Reddit has lots of those types of sites.
 

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I wish I was a millennial, I'm 35 lol

I suppose my hang ups on privacy are driven by my wife's expectations, she's fuming with me.

I'd found a pregnancy test in her handbag, should've just asked as she said she got it for someone at work who was too embarrassed to do it.

The pictures were some crazy raunchy selfies, proper hot and wish I'd been sent them. Dress up, writing on herself, suggestively open onesies. Now she says they're for her in an attempt to feel sexy and try to get her sex drive back on track. She said she doesn't feel "connected", I just found them insane to be taking pictures like that of yourself for your own pleasure but I'm not judging I've got my own kinks and we all get horny!

I dunno whether it's all just a mess now and what is there to save?
Sexy selfies she’s not sending to you plus a pregnancy test you don’t know about adds up to unprotected sex with at least one other dude, man.
 
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