"I didn't mean it" doesn't mean anything. It's just a ploy to make you change your mind about leaving, so they can have plenty more opportunities to do it some more......and say "I didn't mean it" again.
No it is not an excuse. She needs to do a lot more.Say you've endured, from your wife, years of temper tantrums and outbursts which typically involve verbal abuse, bullying, belittling, lots of hateful words and name-calling and even the odd physical assault (punches, slaps, etc).
Then one day you finally decide to put your foot down and say, "That's it, I've had enough, I'm leaving." and she breaks down, cries and says, "But I didn't mean it!"
Is "I didn't mean it" a good excuse?
I used to behave like this guy's wife and I wasn't aware of the effect it had. Someone told me I was trying to hurt them and I was shocked by the comment, which of course, led to an argument."I didn't mean it" to me means that they KNOW they were behaving badly at the time and did it anyway. So no, it's no excuse at all.
No it is not an excuse. It is very immature of her to say this. Years and years of I did not mean it? I do not think so.Say you've endured, from your wife, years of temper tantrums and outbursts which typically involve verbal abuse, bullying, belittling, lots of hateful words and name-calling and even the odd physical assault (punches, slaps, etc).
Then one day you finally decide to put your foot down and say, "That's it, I've had enough, I'm leaving." and she breaks down, cries and says, "But I didn't mean it!"
Is "I didn't mean it" a good excuse?
Yes you do make lots of sense. The same thing happened to me. I would act badly only to realize it was my way of stripping them of control, showing my passive aggressive side, showing my insecurities. It was like hitting a brick wall. I am glad I hit it, it changed me and made me think a lot about myself.I used to behave like this guy's wife and I wasn't aware of the effect it had. Someone told me I was trying to hurt them and I was shocked by the comment, which of course, led to an argument.
But after the argument, I did some thinking about what was said and had to acknowledge that yes, at the time I made such comments, my goal was to strip them of power/control, and that I did use hurt to do it even though hurting them wasn't what I believed I was doing. I don't know if this quite makes sense, but I'm spilling it because I think that she probably is not aware of her intention to hurt. Her perception of her intentions is something else, and it might not be seen by her as bad behavior until after the fact.
I was a narcissist also. If he dared to even leave the room to go check his e mail I was mad. I cringe to think of the stuff I put him through. I still have a little of it but it has greatly improved. Learning from mistakes is what life is all about.No, it's not an excuse. Mine apologized often but it was followed by a "but if you'd stop making me so mad". Never accepted responsibility for his actions and he still doesn't - not in any area of his life.
Mine didn't stop and never would even after telling him it was killing our marriage. He refused MC. Finally I left. He's still the same person. But his was driven by narcissistic personality disorder and had I forced MC and gotten him diagnosed a long time ago, I would have left sooner knowing the odds he'll probably never improve or change. My ex was just as you described. You might want to read about NPD.
Mr. K, you are an exception to the rule.