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I think what many of us are trying to get across to you is that a person who really cares makes plans waaayyyy in advance. I am in the process of planning October right now. You are selling yourself short if you are OK with last minute plans, 1 day in advance.

Read a pop psychology book called The Rules. It has some dumb, antiquated advice in it, but bottom line it wants women to value themselves not sit around & be at some guy's beck & call. If the guy calls you Friday for a date Saturday & you say yes, you either have no friends or worse blow them off for some guy or you have no life. Either way it signals that you are not a valuable commodity. Once in a while sure it's great to be spontaneous but in this situation after 3 weeks of silence plus your apology / explanation that absence of concrete plans with him is screaming lack of interest. If he does pop up tomorrow that screams solely that he nothing better to do & you are an afterthought. None of that is good.
 

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Being 45 minutes late without a call and without a valid reason is just plain rude and disrespectful.

It was good of you to recognize your mistake and to apologize and try to
Make amends.

But you need to understand that he is just seeing you as a back up option if he has nothing better going on.

If Kate Mara called him up and wanted to get together, Would he tell her that he would “keep her in the loop”?
 

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Discussion Starter · #107 ·
That’s interesting. It may be a generational thing. I guess I feel you guys r being too hard on him. From his perspective he likely thought I wasn’t that serious about him. Now that I cleared the air he’s been texting me. He has taken me out to a lot of nice places and is a genuine guy. I think it was a lack of communication. Also he literally was out of town for two weekends….. I’m not naive though I’ve dealt with guys where they clearly were not interested and I moved on easily. But to ask someone to schedule with you weeks in advance it’s just too much for me and playing games
 

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Discussion Starter · #108 ·
The fact I don’t even know who that is means it may be a generational thing. I wasn’t treating him like a priority originally so I can understand why he may have backed off recently
Being 45 minutes late without a call and without a valid reason is just plain rude and disrespectful.

It was good of you to recognize your mistake and to apologize and try to
Make amends.

But you need to understand that he is just seeing you as a back up option if he has nothing better going on.

If Kate Mara called him up and wanted to get together, Would he tell her that he would “keep her in the loop”?
 

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But to ask someone to schedule with you weeks in advance it’s just too much for me and playing games
I apologize if I missed it, but who told you to schedule something with him weeks in advance?

Also, it's not necessarily a "generational thing." Sure, I'm older than dirt. But I've had a lot of experience with people in general. Far as I know, men and women may have lots more technology with which to communicate in 2022, but the dating "thing" hasn't radically changed when it comes down to it. Case in point You're here asking strangers for their take on your situation. No different from when I was young and swimming in the dating pool.
 

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I apologize if I missed it, but who told you to schedule something with him weeks in advance?

Also, it's not necessarily a "generational thing." Sure, I'm older than dirt. But I've had a lot of experience with people in general. Far as I know, men and women may have lots more technology with which to communicate in 2022, but the dating "thing" hasn't radically changed when it comes down to it. Case in point You're here asking strangers for their take on your situation. No different from when I was young and swimming in the dating pool.
One would think that said technology to communicate would make it even easier to set up a date.
 

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Discussion Starter · #111 ·
I just don’t like to play games. If someone asks me to do something a day in advance and I’m want to then sure. That’s what everyone my age does for the most part. I was asking for advice earlier before I knew how much me being late came across as uninterested.
 

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I just don’t like to play games. If someone asks me to do something a day in advance and I’m want to then sure. That’s what everyone my age does for the most part. I was asking for advice earlier before I knew how much me being late came across as uninterested.
Mary I have read every word you posted n if he is still sending you sms or other messages it is saying he is thinking of you
As I don't know what his work load is I can not say if he is home for the weekend ,
for that matter I don't know what effort he has to make to meet you how far away he is ,
in my day I lived far from town and if I was going for a night out with the guys and girls we would meet up at a time but it could be 45 min before we would then head off to some place which could be anything up to 2h drive away ,
many of us would be running in the door covered in crap and have to jump into the shower and 15min jumping into the car ,

most here judge from their own experience their own life type their own job, unless they have worked in a world where there was not time for the end of day they don't know , our work was over when the job was done if that was 6 pm fine but we would call it good to end by 9pm but often it could drag on and be 10 or 11pm and some times of the year there was no going out it was fall in to bed after work 2 r 3 in the morning and heading back out by 6,

I know what it is like for my son that got a call from work this morning to help a guy that when he was heading into work his car broke down so he left the house at 6.15 the other guy would have left his home a good hour before , they will be luck to be heading home from worm this evening by 6

so I understand well if someone does not give long advance notice , and you have the advantage in that you talked to the guy you can tell a lot by how someone talks to you , we are not all lucky to have a 9 to 5 job with weekends off , our world is 7 day weeks and we make time when we can ,

now I don't know why you were late each time ,
tonight is Friday night , I have made plans with my wife to take her out with the last 3 weeks each Friday something came up and we put it off a week, so hopefully we will go out tonight , but she was feeling sick yesterday and we will see how things work out
 
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u feel if someone hits you up one day In advance you’re a plan b?
Maybe not Plan B always but in this case absolutely.

I just don’t like to play games. If someone asks me to do something a day in advance and I’m want to then sure. That’s what everyone my age does for the most part. I was asking for advice earlier before I knew how much me being late came across as uninterested.
I'm not suggesting you play games & say no on principle because the ask came on the wrong day. That is a silly part of the book The Rules.

Maybe this is a generational thing / life stage thing -- I'm busy & have responsibilities. Even when I was dating, I didn't have a great deal of free time. For example when I met my husband I had a F/T job running the start up company I had just founded. I had a PT job. I was the caregiver to my elderly parents. I was the President of a large women's group for entrepreneurs and I served on 3 boards of trustees plus I had friends & a social life. My life was planned & packed so there was rarely room to squeeze in a last minute date. My life has calmed down since then. I jettisoned some of that to spend more time with my husband & obviously Covid curtailed things but my initial point remains. Your level of availability signals lack of value. In your shoes I would not have room to slot this guy in at this point. Two weeks ago I would have already had a fully planned weekend for this weekend without him so some request today (Friday) to hang out sometime this weekend would not work, unless it was a more open thing where he could tag along to what I was already doing but that is hardly a proper date.
 

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I just don’t like to play games. If someone asks me to do something a day in advance and I’m want to then sure. That’s what everyone my age does for the most part. I was asking for advice earlier before I knew how much me being late came across as uninterested.
Ok, whatever....but I am pretty sure that based on his actions, he isn't interested and he's not going to ask you out this weekend. I don't think it's because you were late or "flaky", I think it's because he has lost interest. I might be wrong, and I HOPE I AM.

You might think that we are all too old to remember what it was like when we were younger and dating, but human nature never changes. And you do know that some of us are dating now even though we are in a different generation than you, right? Some of us are using the same dating apps and dating methods that you are using right now. Trust me, WE GET IT.

You can make all the excuses you want to yourself and us, but if he's not into you, his actions will show it and all the texts that you send him won't change his mind...in fact, that might drive him further away. It's up to you if you want to spend your time chasing him and taking crumbs of attention from him, while he is most likely chasing someone else.

I hope it works out for you, but I don't think it will with him.
 

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Discussion Starter · #115 ·
Thank you for your reply! Idk why everyone on this thread thinks I’ve been too available for him. A lot of the time I’ve been the one having to say I’m busy. Sometimes I’d be late bc I would be trying to squeeze in another obligation and other times I would just be late.
 

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Discussion Starter · #116 ·
Idk why everyone on this thread thinks I’ve been too available for him. A lot of the time I’ve been the one having to say I’m busy. Sometimes I’d be late bc I would be trying to squeeze in another obligation and other times I would just be late.
 

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@Mary1234

I don't think you have been too available to this guy (past tense). I am saying that when you last spoke to clear the air, which was a good thing, I am concerned because he did not set a definitive plan at that time. You then said you would be open to seeing him, presumably this weekend, if he popped back up & offered at least 1 day's notice. I am say that possible future behavior would be you being too available now.

I am also of the mindset that you probably won't hear from him. For your sake I hope I'm wrong.

In the end it boils down to your time management. Once you get a handle on that & stop being late for dates you willl be able to build better relationships.
 

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How old are you? And how old is this guy?
 

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That’s what everyone my age does for the most part.
How is this working out for 'everyone your age?' Hooking up without boundaries and such? Honest question.
I think that it isn't, working out. A word of advice; if you were to study history you would understand that it repeats itself.
At some point in the future you will grasp in a way you don't understand now that some things never change.
He is not into you but will most certainly take every thing that you give. You haven't done anything wrong, your manners could us a little help. That isn't why you are shook. You are shook that he isn't in to you and rather than accept this and let it go, you want to win, for validation. You think this dude calling you is an indication of your worth. It isn't.

How old are you? And how old is this guy?
Good question, these days, it may be a person in their 30's at least, lol.
 

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So Friday Noght has come and gone. With your 1 day notice rule.

So did he make plans yesterday? If not that means prime weekend nights Friday and Saturday are used up for your own rule. If he hits you up today for tonight then you are his plan B or C.
 
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