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Discussion Starter · #62 ·
I guess I would just be surprised because I really did not get that impression whatsoever. Don’t get me wrong I am not naïve I have had guys that I realize were only after one thing but this guy did not seem like that. If he just wanted sex then I feel like he would stick around if anything because we were getting close to that point


QUOTE="frenchpaddy, post: 20588599, member: 349847"]
I would assume that he is looking for sex and not an actual relationship.
[/QUOTE]
 

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Well if that were the case then I would assume that he is looking for sex and not an actual relationship.
If he were just wanting sex, he would be trying to have sex. His intents would be more focused.

I think you’ve simply put a lot more emotional investment and visions of a future together than him so far.

I don’t think there’s any malfeasance here,, you’re just not on the same page.

You’re in car driving on the interstate towards a relationship and possible life together,,,, while he is on a moped poking around on some back roads through the park.

You’re simply not on the same path together.
 

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Wait what?
depends on how you are with things , if your up for a fun romantic evening , I would say go for it and enjoy yourself ,
if you have any feeling that it was wrong , invite him out and do some straight talking , see what he is made of both ways you get to know what is on his mind ,
you sound a fun couple and what ever happens I wish both well
I guess I would just be surprised because I really did not get that impression whatsoever. Don’t get me wrong I am not naïve I have had guys that I realize were only after one thing but this guy did not seem like that. If he just wanted sex then I feel like he would stick around if anything because we were getting close to that point


QUOTE="frenchpaddy, post: 20588599, member: 349847"]
I would assume that he is looking for sex and not an actual relationship.
[/QUOTE]
 

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Yes I agree that’s what I meant with point B. Do u feel that is the case in this situation?
I feel like others here have given more in depth advice than myself.. I am usually a one liner.... But I feel like you're giving this way more attention than it deserves. Personally, if it were me, I wouldn't continue wondering. I would've moved on. But that may stem from having been married and putting up with things I now know I didn't need to. While I have a boyfriend now, in the beginning, I cut him zero slack to make sure he indeed was interested in me... I didn't chase, I wasn't too available, I barely called...

When a guy wants to be with a person, he will be with her. Like someone else on here posted, they will move mountains for the one they want.
 

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yeah I get that it’s just frustrating bc he was showing consistent interest in the beginning and out of nowhere kinda stopped trying and I wonder why.

some of my theories are:

A: he thought he was ready for a relationship and then thought more about it and decided he wasn’t ready for that and he can sense that what we have going on currently is heading in that direction and now he is trying to slow it down by pulling away or he is just going to stop trying to see me and hopes I’ll back off bc he can tell I’d want a relationship and he doesn’t want us both getting too attached.

B: he has someone else that re entered the picture or he met someone else.

C: he right now only wants someone to casually date and he noticed that things were moving fast and is trying to slow it down or he feels I want a relationship and wouldn’t be down with casually dating so is going to not even try seeing me again

D: he has some commit issues

E: he just wants to hook up or decided that’s what he wants and realizes I’m not like that so is going to stop wasting time.

F: He literally has no idea how to date and doesn’t think there is a problem
Let me use your post here to illustrate my point above.

Take a look at how much thought and significance and brain energy you have put into this.

If someone were to ask him about you and what he thought of you, his response might very well be - “ Mary1234?? Oh yeah, I went out with her a few times a while back. She seemed pretty nice.”

Do you see the disparity in thought process?
 

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Discussion Starter · #70 ·
Going to have to agree. I feel like the ball is in his court. I could be straight up though and make sure there isn’t a misunderstanding because to me it’s weird to be so consistent with someone in the first month and then to just disappear. Then again maybe that is common


Why would she do that? she needs to let him be the one seeking her, if he's really interested.
 

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I feel like others here have given more in depth advice than myself.. I am usually a one liner.... But I feel like you're giving this way more attention than it deserves. Personally, if it were me, I wouldn't continue wondering. I would've moved on. But that may stem from having been married and putting up with things I now know I didn't need to. While I have a boyfriend now, in the beginning, I cut him zero slack to make sure he indeed was interested in me... I didn't chase, I wasn't too available, I barely called...

When a guy wants to be with a person, he will be with her. Like someone else on here posted, they will move mountains for the one they want.
Going to have to agree. I feel like the ball is in his court. I could be straight up though and make sure there isn’t a misunderstanding because to me it’s weird to be so consistent with someone in the first month and then to just disappear. Then again maybe that is common
I agree with @Works ...I also feel that you're giving this way more attention than it deserves and also wouldn't continue wondering if I were in your shoes. And I agree with her other sentiment. Adding from my personal stance, I met my (now) husband in the olden days. It was a time of phone calls from the landline or pay-phone, long before text messaging and snap-chat were around. We were pretty smitten with one another from the get-go. Yet within our early days of dating, he was partying with his friends and phoned me. I could hear them chuckling in the background, and he asked in a jovial way if I would go over to cook for them / bring food. My answer was an agitated NO. He then switched gears '...but I want to see you...' I responded, 'Get a photograph'. A short time later, he was at my door with pizza for us to share and said, 'A photograph wasn't cutting it, I wanted to see you.'

If he wants to see you and continue dating, he'll figure it out to make that happen. Just as you'll figure out whether you're still interested. From my perspective, I wouldn't bother being straight up to ensure there's no misunderstanding. Instead, he's stated that he's busy. You had made last contact (I think). End of. If he's into you, he'll figure it out. And if he doesn't figure it out, or isn't that into you... oh well! Please don't twist yourself into a pretzel over him (anyone) though.
 

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@Mary1234 you are obviously smitten with this guy otherwise you wouldn’t be on here looking for advice. Just call him and ask him if he wants to get together this weekend. He either says yes or no but at least you’ll know where you stand.
By the way you saying you didn’t get the impression that he was looking for sex shows me that you are a little naïve. Men are always looking for sex, some of them are able to create the impression that it’s the last thing on their mind. These are the really successful players.
Speaking as a former player.
 

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@Mary1234 you are obviously smitten with this guy otherwise you wouldn’t be on here looking for advice. Just call him and ask him if he wants to get together this weekend. He either says yes or no but at least you’ll know where you stand.
By the way you saying you didn’t get the impression that he was looking for sex shows me that you are a little naïve. Men are always looking for sex, some of them are able to create the impression that it’s the last thing on their mind. These are the really successful players.
Speaking as a former player.
now you let all women know the truth and men all over the world keeping the secret for thousands of years :p
he does seem to be better at controlling himself
I am with you in saying grab the bull by the horns and phone him ,
stop playing games , nothing wrong with a woman that asks a man out , no need to wait and let the guy like pass you because he might think because of the hard to get game thinks she is not interested
 

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@Mary1234

That wasn't to say I haven't had my share of feeling like you do when I thought a guy was into me. I was playing the pick me dance with them, meanwhile they were dancing with someone else. You can continue to wait around, try and get your answers so there are no misunderstandings. But I think inside of yourself you already know the answer.
 

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@Mary1234

That wasn't to say I haven't had my share of feeling like you do when I thought a guy was into me. I was playing the pick me dance with them, meanwhile they were dancing with someone else. You can continue to wait around, try and get your answers so there are no misunderstandings. But I think inside of yourself you already know the answer.
I love the way you say the pick me dance just why not go ask the guy
we have come a long way on equality ,
 
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I agree with @Works ...I also feel that you're giving this way more attention than it deserves and also wouldn't continue wondering if I were in your shoes. And I agree with her other sentiment. Adding from my personal stance, I met my (now) husband in the olden days. It was a time of phone calls from the landline or pay-phone, long before text messaging and snap-chat were around. We were pretty smitten with one another from the get-go. Yet within our early days of dating, he was partying with his friends and phoned me. I could hear them chuckling in the background, and he asked in a jovial way if I would go over to cook for them / bring food. My answer was an agitated NO. He then switched gears '...but I want to see you...' I responded, 'Get a photograph'. A short time later, he was at my door with pizza for us to share and said, 'A photograph wasn't cutting it, I wanted to see you.'

If he wants to see you and continue dating, he'll figure it out to make that happen. Just as you'll figure out whether you're still interested. From my perspective, I wouldn't bother being straight up to ensure there's no misunderstanding. Instead, he's stated that he's busy. You had made last contact (I think). End of. If he's into you, he'll figure it out. And if he doesn't figure it out, or isn't that into you... oh well! Please don't twist yourself into a pretzel over him (anyone) though.
This made me laugh... get a photograph!! I said the same to someone I caught staring at me many years ago from across a night club. But my line was more like, take a picture it'll last longer... rolled my eyes and walked away. 🤣

I'll also add, which I saw this in myself now that I am looking back after everything I've gone through, and where I am today. Lack of self-esteem and self-confidence is a great recipe for putting up with crap one doesn't have to.
 

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I love the way you say the pick me dance just why not go ask the guy
we have come a long way on equality ,
I learned that from TAM.. I know we have come a long way as far as "equality." She still seems to be stuck with, does he like me, yes, no, yes, no.. There would've been a difference if he was showing interest, instead of always being busy when she tries to reach out. At some point, one must take their dignity and ball and play somewhere else.
 

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Going to have to agree. I feel like the ball is in his court. I could be straight up though and make sure there isn’t a misunderstanding because to me it’s weird to be so consistent with someone in the first month and then to just disappear. Then again maybe that is common
I do not necessarily disagree with that but I doubt he is spending hours and hours wondering what you are thinking. So, maybe just ask him, since you are. You will be able to move forward pretty quickly then.
 
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