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Hi @Mary1234 Welcome to TAM.

Its really hard to tell from your post what is in his mind. It could all be perfectly legit, or not.

How about just talk to him? Tell him you’re feeling a little confused about your relationship and want to get his take on some things.
Thank you for your reply! Yeah it is confusing. I just can’t tell if it’s normal for a guy to completely go from seeing eachother once a week to not seeing eachother for 2/3 weeks. I get he has been busy these past few weekends but I feel like he isn’t putting a lot of effort into us right now. :(
Some of my friends are telling me to reach out and be forward and the other half our telling me not to bc his actions should speak for himself. So I really don’t know
 

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Thank you for your reply! Yeah it is confusing. I just can’t tell if it’s normal for a guy to completely go from seeing eachother once a week to not seeing eachother for 2/3 weeks. I get he has been busy these past few weekends but I feel like he isn’t putting a lot of effort into us right now. :(
Some of my friends are telling me to reach out and be forward and the other half our telling me not to bc his actions should speak for himself. So I really don’t know
Consider a reverse example where maybe you are unexpectedly being pulled many different ways to for one reason or the other. Suddenly your bf breaks up with you because he thought you were acting funny and not spending time with him.

That is how miscommunications happen.

Talk to him and then watch to see if his actions match the words. Don’t skip the talking part. He can’t read your mind.
 

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it could be that he is playing games with you to get you in bed ,the game of Reverse Psychology
It's a form of manipulation (although not always). It occurs when someone says something or acts in a way opposite to what they actually want. As a result, the other person will often do what they really want or need to do. Most people won't know that they were manipulated, but deep down inside they may feel like they want to give in.
 

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it looks like he is not that interested in you you seem to be doing most of the running and he is happy to take you up on it if he is free and if there is a chance of getting lucky, that is all the better on a night there is nothing going on,
THERE ARE 2 types of men there and because the men are the ones that do most of the putting themselves out there to get knocked down or excepted be women , they split into two groups the ones that get knocked down so each time they get pushed down by a woman it takes away a bit of their courage,

to the day just don't do it and stop asking women out , then you have the second guy that he gets pushed back by women so he used tec and goes all out and asked all the women his app has matched with in the hope one fish will bite

the app are just today's dance halls where the women are lined up waiting for a man to come and sweep them off their feet , but they don't just want a man he has to be Mr Right , if the right guy does not pop up women just stay lined up waiting

men on the other side are lined up and hoping to pick a woman that will except him and his contact like in the old days man goes up and ask a girl to dance , he is the one putting himself out there and if he gets no too often he can go one way forget about the app or go the other way and use it to it full ,
your guy is using the app as much as he can and chatting with many girls to spread the risk , he is fishing with his biggest net ,
 

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If I were you, I wouldn't have any heavy conversations about what's going on or what his feelings are. He's told you (truthfully or not) that he's still interested, he's just really busy. So all you need to do is sit back, relax, and WATCH HIM and what he does next to see where his feelings are.

I wouldn't chase him, or even text him again...just wait to see what HE shows you he wants. If he's interested in you, then he will contact you. It might take a few weeks for him to do so, and you have to decide if you are going to wait around for that long if he does, but you will certainly get your answer of how he feels if you let him SHOW YOU. A man's actions never lie...they will always show his real feelings.
 

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5 dates, including overnights, in one month. And no sex?

He probably figures you aren't into him and has stopped trying.
sorry day if people think there should be sex in the first 5 dates , if he thinks that way she is best off without him
 

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If I were you, I wouldn't have any heavy conversations about what's going on or what his feelings are. He's told you (truthfully or not) that he's still interested, he's just really busy. So all you need to do is sit back, relax, and WATCH HIM and what he does next to see where his feelings are.

I wouldn't chase him, or even text him again...just wait to see what HE shows you he wants. If he's interested in you, then he will contact you. It might take a few weeks for him to do so, and you have to decide if you are going to wait around for that long if he does, but you will certainly get your answer of how he feels if you let him SHOW YOU. A man's actions never lie...they will always show his real feelings.
This is spot on... 👌
 

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sorry day if people think there should be sex in the first 5 dates , if he thinks that way she is best off without him
Agreed. We didn't have sex for 3 months.....if he'd been blowing me off because he didn't get any after 5 dates he could've jumped off a bridge in my book.

3 1/2 years on we're at 3-5 times a week.

I agree with @LisaDiane......if he's interested he'll make some effort. I wouldn't contact him at all until you hear something from him and if it's excuses as to why he doesn't see you I'd move on. Men make time for women they really want.
 

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I just don't get this 3 date rule , seems to me to be no different to one night stand , some men seem to think that they just have to charm the legs off a girl for 3 dates and at the end of the 3 date it is my place or yours, seems like escorting
just when you book a escort you pay an agreed sum , and then you get what you pay for ,

3 date rule is I pay for dinner 3 times and i get payed back after so the only difference is one you pay first and get service the other you pay first and wait for the cake to cook ,

It is sad to think there is a set time to have sex I see nothing wrong with a girl that is happy to have sex with a guy on a first date , please don't get me wrong , but there is nothing wrong with the same girl waiting for the right time , even if she has a truck load of experience, , dating should not be about sex ,
 
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I just don't get this 3 date rule , seems to me to be no different to one night stand , some men seem to think that they just have to charm the legs off a girl for 3 dates and at the end of the 3 date it is my place or yours, seems like escorting
just when you book a escort you pay an agreed sum , and then you get what you pay for ,

3 date rule is I pay for dinner 3 times and i get payed back after so the only difference is one you pay first and get service the other you pay first and wait for the cake to cook ,

It is sad to think there is a set time to have sex I see nothing wrong with a girl that is happy to have sex with a guy on a first date , please don't get me wrong , but there is nothing wrong with the same girl waiting for the right time , even if she has a truck load of experience, , dating should not be about sex ,
And it doesn't need to be a lot of money. Our first date was a $5 planetarium show.

You should spend a little time getting to know each other and if sex happens organically then great.

If you haven’t had sex in 6 months that might tell you something unless there's a reason you're waiting (like religion). Bur a 3-5 date "rule"? Get outta here.
 

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You are putting too much stock in the texting / communication between dates. You have seen each other 5x that's it. There is no commitment here. IMO you crossed some boundaries by staying at his place & having him over to yours. Going to someone's house is generally a signal for sex. No sex happened because you didn't want it to happen which is fine but he may think you are being a tease & he's never going to get sex so he's moving on to greener pastures. I am NOT saying you have to have sex before you are ready but I am giving you a possible explanation for his disappearing act.

I can understand why he didn't take you to a wedding. Weddings are expensive & he may not have been invited with a +1 but there was no reason you could not have been included in the friends get together. The fact that you were not indicates lack of interest IMO.

What do you want? If you would like to see him again, you may have to reach out & organize the next date. On the date ask about the wedding & begin discussing your expectation. You need to find out if you are on the same page. If you don't take action to see him, I have no reason to believe he will reach out to you. If he does pop back up in September after he's had his summer fun, what does that tell you about where you rank?
 

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I’m a guy and pretty dense about some stuff.
If you (as my gf) make decisions about how I think and feel without talking to me, then that’s on you.

All the “watch and see what he does” stuff is just games in my opinion.
Be an adult and have an adult conversation if you want to know something.
”are we on the same page” is a perfectly valid question.
 

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I’m a guy and pretty dense about some stuff.
If you (as my gf) make decisions about how I think and feel without talking to me, then that’s on you.

All the “watch and see what he does” stuff is just games in my opinion.
Be an adult and have an adult conversation if you want to know something.
”are we on the same page” is a perfectly valid question.
You don't make an effort for a woman you're interested in?

Serious question.

I don't see it as playing games, it's just that IME men who don't make much effort aren't that interesting.
 

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Some people seek partnerships and relationships and some people seek dates.

Sounds like you are at least interested in seeking a consistent partnership where you are a part of each other’s lives and are at least seeing each other on a somewhat consistent and ongoing basis.

But for him it might be that he likes getting out of the house and going out with this cool chick when time and his schedule allows.

I don’t see any foul play here. I think you two are just on different levels of what you want at the moment.

It doesn’t sound like he is a player or a womanizer or just trying to score some tail and then move on.

But it doesn’t sound like getting into a serious relationship within a month of meeting is on his agenda either. Sounds like he is cool with going on some casual dates with you for now.

He may be casually be seeing other people as well.

From a guy’s perspective, I think it’s ok to shoot him a txt if you are wanting to get together on a particular day if you have the time available and are wanting to something and either he’ll be available or he won’t.

But I do think you need to ratchet back your expectations and slow it down a bit and see where things go organically.

For the moment shift your outlook from riding off into the sunset with Mr Right to getting out of the house for a fun Saturday night date.

And if he’s not meeting your requirements as a potential relationship that you want, then go back on the market yourself.
 

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You don't make an effort for a woman you're interested in?

Serious question.

I don't see it as playing games, it's just that IME men who don't make much effort aren't that interesting.

As a guy, we need to see interest and initiative too.

It’s not about not wanting to make effort. It’s about wanting to see some interest and reciprocation in return.

The crux is what men and women see as “effort” can be night and day different from each other.

What men see as effort is building pyramids and launching rockets to the moon.

What women see as effort is a subtle smile or an eye pop.

In a man’s world, “wait-and-see” means nothing will happen but waiting for something that will never happen.
 

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You don't make an effort for a woman you're interested in?

Serious question.

I don't see it as playing games, it's just that IME men who don't make much effort aren't that interesting.
My perception of effort and my woman's perception of effort may not align perfectly. How many times did I buy the bestest most awesome gift in the world only to hear "meh". I was 35 before I learned not to buy things that plug in!

Communication closes those gaps.

The more comfortable I feel around her, the more comfortable I might feel to go visit my friends or have other activities. But if she took that as a bad sign, I might be unaware of her concerns.

I've personally acted in ways that seemed harsh or uninterested when the complete opposite was true. I was just blissfully unaware of the impact it had. It took some training before I learned how to communicate better with actions. And I also find that how much action/communication each woman requires is different. So what is ok with one is not ok with another. Communication helps with that gap too.

Rather than sort through all that "maybe this, maybe that, lets just see" stuff I value simple/straightforward communication so I can respond (or not). Maybe that's just me though.
 

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I’m a guy and pretty dense about some stuff.
If you (as my gf) make decisions about how I think and feel without talking to me, then that’s on you.

All the “watch and see what he does” stuff is just games in my opinion.
Be an adult and have an adult conversation if you want to know something.
”are we on the same page” is a perfectly valid question.
It's not a game at all...she's already shown him her interest by reaching out several times when he's said he's too busy, and she's already had adult conversations about wanting to get together and he hasn't given her any definitive answer about what his plans are when he gets back. That's why she's still confused.

It's not a "game" to give someone the space to decide what they want to do without constantly asking them...that's how she can tell if he is really interested too, if he wants to see her again once he isn't busy anymore.
 
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