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Discussion Starter #41
OMG. Is that really how you feel right now? That's a really big deal. How would you feel if you knew your husband was heartbroken over women he couldn't see?

I think both of you have some extreme boundary issues to deal with. He shouldn't be around those semi-ex's... AT ALL... and you shouldn't feel heartbroken about past guys you can't sleep with. You know about his issues, but does he know about yours? Which brings up privacy issues as well.

The clock is running on your marriage. You're young; if things don't work out, you can start over. But you gotta figure this stuff out, quickly. Insecurity is going to destroy both of you.
Please. If I wanted those men I could have had them. I was not heartbroken because I can't sleep with them. I called some of these men my brother. I was heartbroken bc I thought they were my TRUE friends, that even if i got in a relationship they would still be my friend. I supported their relationships because we were FRIENDS. But I guess I was projecting my female ideas of what friends were on males.
 

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Please. If I wanted those men I could have had them. I was not heartbroken because I can't sleep with them. I called some of these men my brother. I was heartbroken bc I thought they were my TRUE friends, that even if i got in a relationship they would still be my friend. I supported their relationships because we were FRIENDS. But I guess I was projecting my female ideas of what friends were on males.
Then skip the "heartbroken" stuff and deal with the privacy and boundary issues I brought up. Because those men who apparently deserted you when you got married... they were respecting the choice you made (to marry your husband) and had their own sense of boundaries. Your husband could perhaps learn something from them.
 

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They're all real. At this point I really don't think anyone can't make my life up. What's left? Hm I guess love(at least on my part), security he's a good provider and we have a lot in common the main reason I fell for him is that we could sit and laugh for HOURS. Never get tired of talking. Idk if I missed the signs or what but I NEVER thought I would be on a forum complaining about him.
Honey, you need more than love to have a successful relationship.

He's your financial security (the reason he's so attractive to his female friends.) Do you work?

You have a lot in common? Well, you are not happy with his friendly relationships and that's a big deal.

Personally, I would not live with someone who is not only friendly with other females, but also a bank to drug addicts who were part of his emotional and sexual past. No thanks!

Figure out what you want for yourself and your future.You can't force him to change, specially if he downplays his need for female attention. This is not going to stop until he decides to stop.

Don't have kids with him.

Good luck!
 

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There's no way to know for sure, but my decades if personal experience have taught me that nerds who had trouble getting women will cheat the first chance they get and feel justified doing it.

My first knowledge of this was a friend of mine who pretended to be my friend for a long time before he made his move and got rejected. He was one of those who was never direct in just asking a woman out but tried to sneak up on them either by befriending someone who had just broken up with someone he knew who was one of his friends or by circling them like a buzzard where they worked for months or even years trying to see if he could get assured that they would say yes, which never ever worked.

Then one year he got a woman interested in him and started dating her and then a miracle happened and the second woman turned up and he just didn't even think twice before he was cheating on the first woman with the second. He was completely laughing and gleeful about it. Whenever I said something like so you finally get a girlfriend and then you're just going to cheat on her, he said he finally got to do what other guys got to do. And of course it's true that all of his male friends were more successful with women than he was. So of course he lost both women.

Guys who have been rejected by women build up a resentment for them that will justify any of their bad behavior particularly in the department of cheating. I'm sure you're inclined to save your marriage, but if it were me I would probably just let it all implode rather than feeding his ego fighting over him.

He's very likely making something out of nothing anyway.
 

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Discussion Starter #45
Honey, you need more than love to have a successful relationship.

He's your financial security (the reason he's so attractive to his female friends.) Do you work?

You have a lot in common? Well, you are not happy with his friendly relationships and that's a big deal.

Personally, I would not live with someone who is not only friendly with other females, but also a bank to drug addicts who were part of his emotional and sexual past. No thanks!

Figure out what you want for yourself and your future.You can't force him to change, specially if he downplays his need for female attention. This is not going to stop until he decides to stop.

Don't have kids with him.

Good luck!
I know love isn't enough. If it was I wouldn't be on here.
I work and make ok money but he makes more. I would be fine if we broke up but Im provided a lifestyle that I'm not able to have on my own.

And yes we like the same music, movies, we have the same views on a lot of religious and political. We've had a lot of great times, we still have great times. Its all these bad things in between.
I wish he would just leave. It would make hating him easier.
 

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Discussion Starter #46
There's no way to know for sure, but my decades if personal experience have taught me that nerds who had trouble getting women will cheat the first chance they get and feel justified doing it.

My first knowledge of this was a friend of mine who pretended to be my friend for a long time before he made his move and got rejected. He was one of those who was never direct in just asking a woman out but tried to sneak up on them either by befriending someone who had just broken up with someone he knew who was one of his friends or by circling them like a buzzard where they worked for months or even years trying to see if he could get assured that they would say yes, which never ever worked.

Then one year he got a woman interested in him and started dating her and then a miracle happened and the second woman turned up and he just didn't even think twice before he was cheating on the first woman with the second. He was completely laughing and gleeful about it. Whenever I said something like so you finally get a girlfriend and then you're just going to cheat on her, he said he finally got to do what other guys got to do. And of course it's true that all of his male friends were more successful with women than he was. So of course he lost both women.

Guys who have been rejected by women build up a resentment for them that will justify any of their bad behavior particularly in the department of cheating. I'm sure you're inclined to save your marriage, but if it were me I would probably just let it all implode rather than feeding his ego fighting over him.

He's very likely making something out of nothing anyway.
You're onto something. I like nerdy men so he was my cup of tea but one thing I notice is that a lot of them have this pent up resentment towards women. I mean you can feel some type of way about rejection but after a while you need to let that go. A lot of them turn into Incels. But the issue is that NONE of this came up in the dating phase with my husband. He was cool and calm and he made it seem like he moved on from them. I guess not
 

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He may have been happy as a clam but now the new has worn off and could be restless. Hope things turn out for the best. Keep your boundaries so you don't hate yourself at the end of it.
 
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You're onto something. I like nerdy men so he was my cup of tea but one thing I notice is that a lot of them have this pent up resentment towards women. I mean you can feel some type of way about rejection but after a while you need to let that go. A lot of them turn into Incels. But the issue is that NONE of this came up in the dating phase with my husband. He was cool and calm and he made it seem like he moved on from them. I guess not
Are you sure you're not looking for excuses to move on from your husband? In a prior post you mentioned that you "hate" your husband. I can see disappointment, sadness, frustration, feeling it's time to move on because he's not going to change. But "hate"? Why would anyone have a discussion about a marriage with someone they hate, unless they were looking for the best way to leave?
 

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OMG. Is that really how you feel right now? That's a really big deal. How would you feel if you knew your husband was heartbroken over women he couldn't see?

I think both of you have some extreme boundary issues to deal with. He shouldn't be around those semi-ex's... AT ALL... and you shouldn't feel heartbroken about past guys you can't sleep with. You know about his issues, but does he know about yours? Which brings up privacy issues as well.

The clock is running on your marriage. You're young; if things don't work out, you can start over. But you gotta figure this stuff out, quickly. Insecurity is going to destroy both of you.
I think she meant it's heartbreaking to lose someone you thought was a friend. Friends don't leave because they can't sleep with you.
 

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I really think my husband is getting off on the attention. Hes getting pleasure out of seeing them suffer....no matter how much I hate these women that is a bit sadist.I asked him that one day and he laughed it off.
I think this is a big part of it. You nailed it. he's getting that validation he's always craved years later. It's fake of course from the users who still see him as the awkward guy. This guy has head issues. He's a passive-aggressive beta. Leave his sorry ass. You can do better.
 

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im surprised your attraction level for him hasn't sunk to ground zero. Is this a man who you can count on to make decisions; to provide leadership; actions of a father for your children? Some people never get over this HSchool stuff.
 

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Discussion Starter #52
im surprised your attraction level for him hasn't sunk to ground zero. Is this a man who you can count on to make decisions; to provide leadership; actions of a father for your children? Some people never get over this HSchool stuff.
My physical attraction for him has never left but I definitely could see myself leaving him. I dont want to BUT I've thought about it more and more lately.
I know he would be a father he loves kids and kids love him. But him being a good partner is the issue.
 

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I ditched hanging out alone with female friends when my first wife and I got serious and kept it that way. Same for my second wife. I know the younger generation sees it differently, but I consider it to be disrespectful to my wife. I don't need or want another woman's company alone.
 

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This is who he really is and he’s definitely not who you thought he was. Since you aren’t legally married and don’t have kids, would you both just walk away with whatever you brought into the relationship? No property, etc. to split up?
 

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I ditched hanging out alone with female friends when my first wife and I got serious and kept it that way. Same for my second wife. I know the younger generation sees it differently, but I consider it to be disrespectful to my wife. I don't need or want another woman's company alone.
I think disrespect is the crux of the matter. If you care about someone, you wouldn't hurt them by disrespecting them that way. If you don't have respect with another person, you really don't have the foundation for a relationship.
 

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Discussion Starter #56
This is who he really is and he’s definitely not who you thought he was. Since you aren’t legally married and don’t have kids, would you both just walk away with whatever you brought into the relationship? No property, etc. to split up?
Im assuming so. It would take a bit to split due to having a car we own mutually and who's gonna keep that, who's gonna stay in our apartment but we could just walk away.
 
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