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Discussion Starter #1
This is gonna be long:
Before I met my husband he was "the nerd that always got friend zoned". Women liked him but they were still in their "bad boy phase" and my husband was just not what they were looking for however they stayed friends. Years later he's now married to me and it seems like after series of crappy guys, being left single mothers and drug addictions here they come. They aren't the problem though...its my husband and how he treats these relationships. He has three main female friends that sometimes I wonder about:
1. She was the first friend he met when he moved to where we live 10 years ago. They tried dating but again my husband was "boring" so they broke up after 6 months. After a month of being single my husband started dating me. She texted him hurt asking if "they had a future"...he showed me i cursed her out(I have a bit of an anger problem). We haven't heard from her in years until she contacted him a year ago apologizing to me and him for her behavior. Saying that he was "the one that got away" and accepts that. However she doesn't want to speak with me at all. And now everytime she contacts him its for money for her drug habit(long story but she wasn't an addict when they were dating). He asks me and I've agreed to give her money a couple times but stopped after a while but she won't stop asking! Its making think my husband may be giving her money on the side without telling me
2. He liked this girl in HS however again he was too nerdy. She married some hood dude had two kids and je left her. I knew they were friends but what I didnt know until years into our relationship is that my husband and I her had sex and he got her pregnant. He paid for the abortion. NOW he claims he doesn't want her but he will call her for hours on end. He's gone to her house a couple times. I want to trust my husband but its just this feeling. He refuses to let me speak to her(my anger problem). Also she keeps asking 'why not me"(we look similar)...
why is she asking a married man that question?! Why doesn't my husband shut it down?!
3. This woman is VILE. She has stolen from my husband, used his SSN without his permission and called me his "fat wife'(I cursed her out as well). Shes apologized for all of it BUT she's constantly being disrespectful but my husband just will NOT stop talking to her! It doesn't matter what she does. I told him to please stick up for me around her he just says "well I can't control her'...then I end up cursing her out again.

Like I dont think want to be the jealous wife and try to control his friendships(no matter how bad they are) but why doesn't my husband let these women go?! They didn't want him then but now that he's married and they are miserable they want him now?! Is he getting an ego boost? What should I do? Leave these women alone or confront all of them?
 

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I think it's inappropriate for him to have these "friendships", especially if you don't have any. Both spouses should be on the same page about that. I have no guy friends (just acquaintances from work) and he has no girl friends. You need to put your husband in his place. You shouldn't be confronting anyone. He is the one who needs to put the fire under his a** and get rid of them.
 

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I'm not sure if your husband has a white knight problem or a wanting to be a bad boy desire...either way he is behavior in a very immature and destructive nature...these women are leeches and i would tell him he can decide if he wants to continue keeping them in his life or he can be with a wife who does not play these games. i am truly sorry you are here but he needs a kick in the ass.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
I think it's inappropriate for him to have these "friendships", especially if you don't have any. Both spouses should be on the same page about that. I have no guy friends (just acquaintances from work) and he has no girl friends. You need to put your husband in his place. You shouldn't be confronting anyone. He is the one who needs to put the fire under his a** and get rid of them.
I dont mind him having female friends because I can have male friends. Unfortunately all my male friends I had to get rid of or they stopped talking to me because I'm married now and the chances of sleeping with me is gone. Its heartbreaking but it is what it is.
I want him to confront them but he seems not to want to damage these crappy one sided friendships
 

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Discussion Starter #6
I'm not sure if your husband has a white knight problem or a wanting to be a bad boy desire...either way he is behavior in a very immature and destructive nature...these women are leeches and i would tell him he can decide if he wants to continue keeping them in his life or he can be with a wife who does not play these games. i am truly sorry you are here but he needs a kick in the ass.
I really think my husband is getting off on the attention. Hes getting pleasure out of seeing them suffer....no matter how much I hate these women that is a bit sadist.I asked him that one day and he laughed it off.
 

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It sounds like your husband could have kind of an "ugly duckling" thing going on. Wasn't "hot" or "desired" in the past, which played on his self esteem. Now he's getting "attention" from the women in his past that rejected him and he's getting some kind of pleasure from it. It doesn't matter that the attention is not good attention, or that it's attention that's hurting his marriage. He's just happy he's getting the attention.

This is a problem in SO many ways.
 

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Having "friendships" like this not acceptable. There is nothing wrong with opposite sex friends, if they are respectful of the marriage and spouse. These women are toxic and should be cut out. Your husband probably is loving the attention he's getting now but that attention is a very slippery slope. He would be wise to end it.

Your husband should not only be standing up for you, but also protecting his marriage. Saying he can't control what someone else says is true, but he can stand up for you and he can decide who to let into his life.
 

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Jee whiz your H knows some crappy people. This is a major red flag on many levels. So this is the guy that was "nice" to girls he had crushes on and now likes having them in his orbit. I would never stand for this. No way. You need to give him some very hard choices.

Either these ladies are going to continue to bleed your FAMILY money dry, or one of these times he is going to break down and have sex with one of them.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
It seems to me that you keep cussing out the wrong person. The women aren't married to you.
And it doesn't matter if they're not married to me. Its common decency, you're not gonna be calling me out of my name and not hear from me especially when I've done nothing to you. They haven't done it again, at least not to my face.
I've talked to him multiple times about it. I get the "you're overreacting/mean so ill just keep them away" speech.
 

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Discussion Starter #15
You said your male friends quite your friendship because they were no longer able to think about you sexually.

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR HUSBAND IS THINKING ABOUT?
Very possible but that's speculation.
Jee whiz your H knows some crappy people. This is a major red flag on many levels. So this is the guy that was "nice" to girls he had crushes on and now likes having them in his orbit. I would never stand for this. No way. You need to give him some very hard choices.

Either these ladies are going to continue to bleed your FAMILY money dry, or one of these times he is going to break down and have sex with one of them.
I've asked him why does he have these friends...multiple people in his family have asked but he says he doesn't have to explain his friendships if we don't have to explain ours so IDK.
 

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Apparently your husband is quite aware that you are bothered by these friends. But he does nothing to remedy the situation. Sounds like he doesn't care if it bothers you. But it does bother you. So the ball is firmly in your court. Set a boundary. Issue an ultimatum. If that's not to your liking, I guess the only thing you can do is stay with him and suck it up. Sorry.
 

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I really think my husband is getting off on the attention. Hes getting pleasure out of seeing them suffer....no matter how much I hate these women that is a bit sadist.I asked him that one day and he laughed it off.
Problem is he is disrespecting you. No man who is in love with his wife ever does this. He stops or you go. Simple.
 

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This is gonna be long:
Before I met my husband he was "the nerd that always got friend zoned". Women liked him but they were still in their "bad boy phase" and my husband was just not what they were looking for however they stayed friends. Years later he's now married to me and it seems like after series of crappy guys, being left single mothers and drug addictions here they come. They aren't the problem though...its my husband and how he treats these relationships. He has three main female friends that sometimes I wonder about:
1. She was the first friend he met when he moved to where we live 10 years ago. They tried dating but again my husband was "boring" so they broke up after 6 months. After a month of being single my husband started dating me. She texted him hurt asking if "they had a future"...he showed me i cursed her out(I have a bit of an anger problem). We haven't heard from her in years until she contacted him a year ago apologizing to me and him for her behavior. Saying that he was "the one that got away" and accepts that. However she doesn't want to speak with me at all. And now everytime she contacts him its for money for her drug habit(long story but she wasn't an addict when they were dating). He asks me and I've agreed to give her money a couple times but stopped after a while but she won't stop asking! Its making think my husband may be giving her money on the side without telling me
2. He liked this girl in HS however again he was too nerdy. She married some hood dude had two kids and je left her. I knew they were friends but what I didnt know until years into our relationship is that my husband and I her had sex and he got her pregnant. He paid for the abortion. NOW he claims he doesn't want her but he will call her for hours on end. He's gone to her house a couple times. I want to trust my husband but its just this feeling. He refuses to let me speak to her(my anger problem). Also she keeps asking 'why not me"(we look similar)...
why is she asking a married man that question?! Why doesn't my husband shut it down?!
3. This woman is VILE. She has stolen from my husband, used his SSN without his permission and called me his "fat wife'(I cursed her out as well). Shes apologized for all of it BUT she's constantly being disrespectful but my husband just will NOT stop talking to her! It doesn't matter what she does. I told him to please stick up for me around her he just says "well I can't control her'...then I end up cursing her out again.

Like I dont think want to be the jealous wife and try to control his friendships(no matter how bad they are) but why doesn't my husband let these women go?! They didn't want him then but now that he's married and they are miserable they want him now?! Is he getting an ego boost? What should I do? Leave these women alone or confront all of them?
I don't know that I can give you advice. Sorry to say your husband is at his level with these women. You are the company you keep.
 
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I dont mind him having female friends because I can have male friends. Unfortunately all my male friends I had to get rid of or they stopped talking to me because I'm married now and the chances of sleeping with me is gone. Its heartbreaking but it is what it is.
I want him to confront them but he seems not to want to damage these crappy one sided friendships
In most cases, men want to sleep with women, you're right. The same applies to your husband. It's very rare a guy is hanging out with females because he wants to be just friends. That's not to say he'll cheat, but at one point or another, has slept with or wanted to sleep with them. Not okay in my book. My husband has even said he has no female friends b/c if he did it means he wants to sleep with them. So, if you're not comfortable with the situation...DO SOMETHING to alter it. DO NOT "keep the peace".
 
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