Talk About Marriage banner

1 - 20 of 43 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
8 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
My husband and I have been married for 13 years.

We have had many issues in the past with him lying about drinking and drugs. But this stopped years ago.
Recently, a little over a year he started a new job. The work schedule is 3pm to 1130pm but he does alot of OT to 4am sometimes 7 am.

While we is at work he is very hard to get ahold of by phone he was so tired he would pass out everywhere so I told him this OT has to stop..anyway during these crazy work schedules he started to act weird and say things like his phone was being hacked and he reset his iPhone password constantly he literally had to go to the Apple store 4 different times to get it reset.
He is so overprotective with his phone and wallet.
He changed all his passwords for everything. His reasoning is because of “hackers”..

I thought maybe it’s the lack of sleep causing him to hallucinate or giving him this anxiety.

He no longer does that much OT but he still crazy overprotective with his phone.
He always has it on silent when he is home.
He also acts very secretive about his truck for example if he is in it and I walk out the house to him he literally jumps out of his truck as if avoiding me getting in or near it. I haven’t been in his truck since.

On two different occasions he took my car to work and when he picked me up from my moms after a late party he had sprayed hella deodorizer in my car. It’s was so weird I freaked he called me crazy and said he just “farted”. Like we’ve been married for so long and we don’t care about that dumb stuff.

When he gets home he literally runs to the shower he doesn’t even make eye contact with me and avoids
It’s so weird but when I say anything he always calls me crazy.. am I? Lol is it just me? Or is likely possible something is up? I need a different perspective and have no one to talk to about this.

Also, all these behaviors are new as of his new job. He wasn’t that secretive and communicated way better. We shared phone and he would leave it out in front of me all the time I knew all his passwords. And he always communicated like called and texted me all the time while at work.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,817 Posts
Your post reads like a compendium of various posts detailing different clues that someone was being cheated on. Obviously you need to get a VAR and hide one in his truck. It won't take long to get the evidence you need. Or just hide a few in the house for when you're gone and he's there without you. Sooner or later he'll call his girlfriend.

I don't think there really is a "different perspective" available.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,273 Posts
We have all seen this story a thousand times .... almost detail for detail and word for word. It is like a script for a play that is read over and over ... just by different people. The play is called “ The Classic Cheater”

If he isn’t cheating then I’m Jesus Christ
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
A VAR in his truck idk if I’m willing to take that step..

I mean we use to have the find my iPhone on for each other’s phones all the time. For safety reasons. But when he was having this crazy hacker issue he turned it off and now it’s just never on I ask him and he turns it on and then it just doesn’t work again. I just don’t bother with it anymore.

I don’t want to do no spying stuff.. so idk what to do? I kinda feel like nervous and scared to find something out that I’m not ready to deal with.. idk I’m just being honest.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,030 Posts
He is totally lying about the hacker stuff.

stop protecting him and place a VAR in his truck. Demand he keep his find my iPhone on. Start making demands - and don’t believe any of those stupid lies he’s telling you!

Do you work? Have kids?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8 Posts
Discussion Starter #8
He is totally lying about the hacker stuff.

stop protecting him and place a VAR in his truck. Demand he keep his find my iPhone on. Start making demands - and don’t believe any of those stupid lies he’s telling you!

Do you work? Have kids?
I do demand it.. he just turns it back off. I just gave up on that already. Every time I bring up these issues he says I’m pushing him away.

We have 3 kids and one on the way.
I work full time.

We fight a lot too. I feel like giving up. Sometimes it just feels like I’m trying hard to just be happy together with our family that I just ignore all his bs and it feels like he finds something to complain something why he is just not happy it’s so stupid.
I’m tired and don’t want to try anymore.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8 Posts
Discussion Starter #10
Your worn out and defeated because you have too much on your plate. When is the last time you actually relaxed or had a few hours of undisturbed down time ?
I just had my 3rd she is 19 months and recently found out I’m expecting again so I haven’t had any time to relax since even before then.
We are always dealing with bills and responsibilities and he hates to deal with that so I’m always stressed With all of it he says I nag him and I should trust him to get things done but when I do the bill will go over due for months. We get into huge fights because of this. He is irresponsible and feel like he is very immature still although we are the same age. He has grown up a lot but still has a long ways to go atleast I think so lol.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,030 Posts
Have him take a drug test. Make sure you watch him while he takes the test. You need to know what he’s hiding!

do you think he was bringing home the overtime money he should have been earning when he said he worked a lot of overtime? Was it a lot more money or could he have been spending some on drugs?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,819 Posts
Has your husband been a smoker in the past? The deodorizer and showers made me think of smoking, too. Although doesn't address the phone thing. There was a similar scenario shared here before where the husband was secretly smoking.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,962 Posts
Has your husband been a smoker in the past? The deodorizer and showers made me think of smoking, too. Although doesn't address the phone thing. There was a similar scenario shared here before where the husband was secretly smoking.
Hiding the phone could be to hide whoever he is texting about drugs, or whoever is texting him if he's somehow selling, or maybe what sites he's looked up. Maybe a bit of a stretch, but this one just doesn't scream cheating to me.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,819 Posts
And it coincides with the new job, maybe more stress / late shifts and coping mechanisms.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,819 Posts
Or could be that he just likes to shower when he gets home, and had very bad gas in the car..!
Who says chivalry is dead?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8 Posts
Discussion Starter #19
Thanks all I agree I felt strongly that maybe it’s drugs and alcohol again.
I asked him a for a drug test his words were if you make me take a drug test I will loose a lot of respect for you. And I felt bad for asking so I didn’t bring it up anymore.

He got new debit cards and uses those sometimes I have no access to those. I did tell him that it’s weird for him to have his own accounts if we been married and always shared everything. He says he bearly uses them and that he has nothing in those cards.. but his direct deposit goes straight to one of them.

He never likes to show me his paystub I asked for it once for something and he took some parts out I wanted to add up his OT with what he was telling me but since he cut it I couldn’t check. I told him and he said it wasn’t intentional...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8 Posts
Discussion Starter #20
...I used to do this as a teenager if I was still high when I got home.
I did too which is why I questioned this he also sprays hella body spray on him before coming home for lunch sometimes..even our kids notice. He calls me crazy.

I feel like I’m dealing with a teenager rather than a husband.
 
1 - 20 of 43 Posts
Top