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Discussion Starter #1
Instead of going with the flow, I decided to be more serious about what I want. The side trip was 'educational' but fruitless. For the first time in my life I'm able to see clearly what it is I want and inwardly do not believe it's unfeasible and will focus my dating/social activities towards that. What I want is a marriage, and a family life, and all that this entails...then good, the bad, and even the ugly (at times.)

I got back onto eHarmony which I believe is more specifically subscribed to by those who are serious and motivated towards marriage. And decided to go back more often to my dance classes since I love dance and that would be a priority, finding someone who loves to dance as much as I do.

Marriage and family life isn't the *only* thing I want but it's a part of the big picture, and on all other counts I'm satisfied with how things are going.

I truly believe that whatever you visualize and can imagine, realistically, is what guides your behavior not just consciously but subconsciously as well. I'm hoping that by being honest with myself and being true to my mindset, my behaviors will change even if subtly, to reflect what it is I really want, and lead me in that direction.

Being on here and having access to what really goes on in the minds of men, has moved me from thinking that what I wanted was unrealistic, to being reasonable and achievable in that it seems to be what some men want too. Thanks, guys!

I have much more confidence in what I want, and my ability to actively participate in it. Having left a relationship because my boundaries were violated made me more confident in my ability to navigate the more serious side of dating towards marriage...I have the fun part down, no problem, could even use a bit less of that, I'm too open-minded and ready to waste my free time when I could be spending it more on myself than in useless forays...

What I'm looking for on here is a dating buddy (or a few)...who are dating with the same thing in mind, to keep things honest and to discuss issues...
 

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*waving* Buddy, here!

I make a darn good wife. Even when my ex sucked I knew I was a good wife. I love caring for someone, being a helpmate, part of a team. I've looked at myself and the dynamics of my marriage and I am not co-dependant. I AM a people-pleaser which carries over into my relationships but not to the point of sacrificing self. In a way, it's really quite selfish because of the satisfaction and joy I get out of doing things to make others happy.

I want to make a favorite dinner, snuggle in front of the TV, take interesting weekend trips, walk hand-in-hand, make love most nights and cuddle the rest. So I am definitely a candidate for marriage again. I'm not in a rush, per se... but I am lonely sometimes and really miss the connection. The inside jokes, winks, whispers.

Unfortunately I just was kind of broken up with by my boyfriend who I really felt could be my second and last husband. I think we could be very happy but he's having a difficult time right now and I am giving him space. I hope he decides he misses me a lot. It makes me very sad to distance myself and the last 2 days I've spent crying a lot. He's the only man I've felt this way about. I've been divorced 7.5 years, was separated 1.5 for a total of 9 years apart from ex.

I have found the free dating sites are full of people who are either cheap, not serious about marriage or want a hook up, none of which appeal to me. I have always had better luck with match.com than eHarmony but I tried both and OKCupid (no luck).

My issues w/ eHarmony are: 1) forced communication path prevents an easy exchange to determine if you want to proceed unless you send them the "go straight to email" message. 2) there is no place for body type so you can waste time communicating with someone only to find out they aren't interested in someone who is built like Adele at size 16. Match allows you to put physical preferences in so I know all of the guys I communicate with are OK with "a few extra pounds" (although I wish there was something between "a few extra pounds" and "BBW").

Wish you were closer so we could be "wing-men"!
 

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Discussion Starter #3
I liked Match because it gave me more access to guys who were local...on the other hand it involves some loss of privacy...it's a trade-off. My now ex-boyfriend is on there and I don't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that I am looking...lol. I thought I would take the money I could put towards Match and go instead to the local gym and see if I can meet somebody local there, and also get back in shape, at least go for a couple of months and give that a shot. I have neglected the gym and put on a few pounds I'd rather be without so I can kill two birds with one stone and also weed out guys who don't like the way I look straight out of bed more or less. But I need to check and make sure my ex-husband isn't still going to that gym. I really don't need to be bothered with running into him there...although maybe it would be good for me, when he leers at me I can practice eye-rolling and my stiff upper lip.
Honestly, he is history.

I'm still in shock of how angry and mean my boyfriend turned. I guess he was hiding all that behind his 420 use. Which was more extensive than just 'recreational' use. He would be really upset and depressed without it, so I'm guessing it was a serious addiction...he used it in lieu of Zoloft and therapy.

I guess I could mention to my landlord next time I see him, and my downstairs neighbor, that I am looking around. I really wish an eligible guy would just walk in the door of my Quaker Meeting some Sunday morning, lol. What a miracle that would be. I'm going to a pot luck in early November at a different Meeting where there will be Quakers from all over my state, so it's a good chance to see what's available within my own core belief system, which would be the best bet for me.

We could still be wing-men on here...
I need someone or a group of someones to keep me true to my values. I do an okay job of it but I think I'm on the slow side, not quick to judge, when I should be just a bit quicker, if you know what I mean.
 

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Hi

Short background:
Separated/divorced for almost 3 years, very amicable and friendly situation with my ex.
Very happy with life although apart from marriage ending the last few years have been hard with other major life issues to deal with.

I went on eharmony and had a blast dating various men, met a great guy and we became FWB which was fun.

My eharmony account ran out so I joined a free sit because all I wanted was some fun. Strange thing though is that I have met a man that I think is the one for me.
We were both just looking for fun, his life is a bit complicated with his ex and some mental health issues she has.

We have been dating for about 8 months and I am in love with him, we are more compatible that ex and I, we laugh non stop, sex is amazing and we share some common interests.

I don't know about marriage again. I have kids, he has kids and I am not keen on blended families. It is way too soon anyway, would have to be at least 2 or 3 years down the track for me to really think about marriage and TBH at the moment I am really enjoying living on my own with shared care of my kids.

I like looking after people too. I believe in marriage and enjoy being part of a couple. I am good wife material :)

When I reflect back on my first marriage (together about 17 years all up) I don't think I actually put any great thought into it. I just got married because we were together, we were great friends and it seemed like the natural progression.

Now I am in my 40's, been married/divorced and kids I find that I am much more mature in my thinking about marriage. Finally I am a grown up and it feels good.

Yes I would like to marry again, to do it with the right person and to be part of a real team.
 

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Being single for 8 months now, I think I "might" be ready for a relationship, but marriage, nah, no where ready for that.

I did meet someone shortly after my separation, we really clicked, seemed to be at the same place in life, had kids the same age etc. But, and a big BUT, he is emotionally unavailable, and was probably like that with his ex wife. I guess I fell in love with him after several months, was tired of the games, the disappearing, the text only communication. I have ended it twice now, and recently had a "relapse"....grrrr. I think if I met someone who was ready for something serious, and we really clicked, I would probably jump in and enjoy the ride, but at the same time, I think I also have some walls put up, afraid of getting hurt.


Dating is strange though, I realized that when you meet someone without the "baggage" of my previous relationship, it's more relaxed, more fun....make sense?
 

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I started seeing someone shortly after separating. Like weeks after. It was just supposed to be wild monkey sex. We're coming up on two years in a few months.

Can't say I'm chomping at the bit to be married (to her or anyone). To me, marriage would be more relevant if there were kids involved. And since I've been snipped, and we're both in our mid forties, that not a consideration. So I'd be happy with a "committed partnership". But I'm willing to negotiate, with the right partner. I'm not against marriage, I'm just against marriage with the wrong person.

C
 

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More communication with the non-boyfriend. I think it will be a good while before I want to jump back into the dating pool. Trying to date through the holidays will be tough.

I'm thinking since I won't have my daughter for Christmas this year (she goes to her Dad's 10pm Christmas Eve through the day school resumes) that maybe I'll take myself alone on vacation somewhere. Not sure yet. Maybe I should volunteer somewhere like go to South America. I need a stamp on my passport.
 

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I was a really good wife,I made it my mission to be the best wife I could possibly be to that man.

It drained me.

The more time that passes the more I become unsure of what I'll end up doing.I go from a firm "f**k NO I will NEVER do that sh*t again!" to a "well maybe I would for the right man"

Depends on the day I guess...which tells me regardless of what my mind and heart say,I am not ready to make any choices regarding my marital future.
 

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Married 30 years, xw had affair with my good friend, (they are now married). Been divorced 13 months, separated for 16. Marriage? I have a contract with the government, whereas Seal Team 6 is on call 24/7, with orders to take me out should I ever start walking down an aisle! 52, single, dating is more than enough for me currently. PBear and I agree....why ever again? Not necessary, I am not opposed to a committed relationship, but marriage? NEVER!
 

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I think I might marry again. I've been dating a guy for a year, and I think he would make a good partner for a marriage. Right now though I think it's good to just date. He's in no hurry, and neither am I. In fact, we could date indefinitely until my kids are out of the house in 15 years......I do know a couple that did that and did not marry until kids were gone. I think it would be better for my kids if I didn't remarry while they are at home. Their dad did, and the kids are unhappy with the step-mom and new sister on the way. I'm not able to have more kids, and he doesn't have any, which is a plus. I'm not keen on blended families, either.

So, the short answer to the question is yes, dating with thoughts of marrying again. I think I've learned how to be a better wife. I will hopefully not ever take my significant other for granted again.
 

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Never ever ever getting married again. Relationships maybe but my trust for women and their intentions (especially when there's the possibility of material gain) has sunk so low it's just not going to happen.
 

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Married 30 years, xw had affair with my good friend, (they are now married). Been divorced 13 months, separated for 16. Marriage? I have a contract with the government, whereas Seal Team 6 is on call 24/7, with orders to take me out should I ever start walking down an aisle! 52, single, dating is more than enough for me currently. PBear and I agree....why ever again? Not necessary, I am not opposed to a committed relationship, but marriage? NEVER!
I can't even think of a committed relationship, i think i have really gone off men, i can't seem to find any of them attractive, i mean not just physically but emotionally.

I would rather just play GW2
 

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If I ever get married again, I'm doing it in Vegas....lol
:smthumbup:

Married? I have a contract with the government, whereas Seal Team 6 is on call 24/7, with orders to take me out should I ever start walking down an aisle!
Omg I love this! :rofl:

Don't you guys just love how jaded divorce makes us? LOL

Ain't love grand? :p



********************** | ***************************************** | ***************************************
 

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I know I'm married now, but I was divorced prior not wanting to remarry. I was attending college for a good career to raise my daughter on my own. I did like being by myself. I was very independent back then.

It did cross my mind that I may date, but I was so set against not to. I had really raised my standards beyond my normal expectations. My husband met every standard on my list and he's so much more even 12 years later. He's still as attentive as he was the day we met.

I almost said no to giving him my number. My old supervisor set us up, she thought we'd be a great match. She's a tough supervisor to please, so I was a bit taken back. Something was nagging inside me to try one date. We went on that one date and the rest is history.

I have friends who use eharmony. I never visited the site or other dating sites, but eharmony is one of the bests dating sites. My friend who's very successful met others who were very decent men.

I do not think this list is unrealistic. You lower your standards is when you run into trouble. I took my first marriage as a huge learning lesson. I ignored the red flags which I paid for my mistake in doing so. Usually the true colors of the other person comes out after a few months. My husband now never changed, he stayed true to himself.

Good luck y'all. I hope you all find the man/woman your looking for. I never expected my marriage to be this good, especially going through what I did with my ex h.
 

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Discussion Starter #18
I have seen so many good step-dads and adopted dads and so many involved men/fathers/husbands in my community and growing up that it is impossible to ignore that what I want in a man/husband is available (at least in theory.) If there is any town on earth where I could have the life I wanted, this is it. Keeping positive is sometimes a problem. I do make sure I am living the life I want to lead, but leave enough room/flexibility in it to allow for another person (i.e. dating).

I updated my match profile to reflect that I do want a committed, exclusive relationship, but that I intend to 'date around' until that happens. I don't want to scare anyone off, lol.

My kids are FOR having a stepdad, because they know so many dads and stepdads and adoptive dads already in this town. They know how fun it can be, being a family, because they spend time with their friends' families. We function together well as a family without a man, but when my now-former boyfriend was available and not all toked up, he was very much involved and fun with the kids, also concerned about them. So we had a small taste of how it could be. It is really too bad former boyfriend is not more serious about dealing with his problems.
 

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My ex is such a bastard I'd love to have a good male role model for my daughter. I'd hoped/thought I'd found it.

I realize at my age men (AND me) already have some assets they may not want to risk and I would not be offended AT ALL by being asked to sign a pre-nup.

I would still like a real wedding. Nothing over the top. But I was married at the courthouse the first time for practical reasons. I know it shouldn't make a difference in the success of a marriage but I'd still like it. I'd like it to be more special vs. practical.

Not the reason I would like to be married, just the way I'd like to do it if I had the opportunity again.
 

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Craiglist, unbeleivably, brought into my life a light which shines just as bright now as it did almost 9 months ago.

This person, her entire make-up of personality, career, familly, etc fits too perfectly into my life.

She is from an entirely different culture than I, suppose it would be called inter-racial by some but I am not a racist. We all bleed red. Even though we are from different worlds, we have so much in common, it is actually spooky!

And the communication between us regardless of her cute and subtle accent or the fact she speaks english as a third or fourth language, is incredible. We speak all the time, have plenty of conversations and find time to engage without argument or lack of regard for the other's opinion.

And so, in part due to the fact that in her culture ( which is more than an Ocean away from here ) does not allow for "dating" and beyond that my desire to honour her family and respect her Mother and Father, Brother and her Sons...I have committed already to marriage.

Why? Becasue this woman will in every fibre of her body and soul love me and will always be honest and caring. She herself said,"..if we cannot have intimacy at least 3-4 days a week...then leave me....if you love someone you want them, all the time and desire, passion and intimacy are true signs of love that works between two people...". That is at least for the two of us important enough to beleive in.

At my age (almost 44) I don't wish to enter into a life of "dating". My goals of enjoying the second half of my life with travel, watching the kids grow up and Grandchildren and such are shared by my dearest. I have too much to do and plan for to waste getting in and out of relationships. I have no problem meeting woman and can engage anyone well enough to strike up a friendship or more.

Besides, this woman, everytime I am near her or think of her brings about a sensation of pure joy, such that nothing else matters even though life throws at me constantly stressors and conflict.
My feet tingle when she is looking at me, and I care for her so desperatly, I would give my life to see her happy.

So Marriage for me; this will be the 2nd and it will happen just beyond a year after my separation.

Craigslist was extremely effective at providing me the extreme good fortune of meeting what I can only say, was a God-Send, a soul-mate. I have no problem of settling into a marriage because I see no problems with doing so at all.

I consider myself, to be at the very least...beyond fortunate!!
 
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