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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
How many people have a spouse who has done a flip flop while being married to them? Example. the woman I fell in love with and married worked out, wanted to look good, had confidence. She gained over 100 lbs. I have done everything under the sun to get her help. I dieted, worked out with her, motivated and so on.

Once we got married and I was hooked then it went downhill from there. Sex has gotten less and she is insecure about herself. Me I am the opposite. I am six feet tall @225 lbs. Thick and trim. I take care of myself and look my best. I do 90% of the work load around the house. Cook and clean, do yard work, clean the litter box, feed the cat, work out, do repairs to the house, while she sits and watches me work my butt off.

I made a ham dinner for her family and they are the same way. Heavy and lazy Christians. I know she is a product of her environment growing up in that. I just feel I am at a dead end here. No where to turn but away. My family sees it even. they approached me about it. Saying I can't be the husband and wife. I can't do it all. I am doing that though. She does a little here and there. Mostly make messes I clean up. I am not saying I don't make messes. I do. In fact I get tired of working and cleaning sometimes.

I can't even enjoy myself when going out. She is either too hot, or winded because she sits most of the day and evening. Trust me I have expressed my concerns in love and with fire too. Nothing budges her.

I am exhausted and alone I feel. I feel like our relationship is more of a roommate situation.
 

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That sounds horrible :(

What does she say when you talk to her about the fact you feel this way? Have you told her that if things don't change you will divorce her?
 

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Sorry, pleiades, sounds miserable!

I was in a one-sided relationship, but my STBXH was selfish. Everything had to be HIS way. It got real old. I left in May 2012 and have NEVER been happier.

New job, bills paid, joined a gym, reconnected with old friends, made new friends, see my family, life is GOOD. I am HAPPY and HEALTHY and excited about LIFE (something I hadn't been in YEARS).

You have my sympathy!
 

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So 2 years ago you told her you'd divorce her if nothing changed. Nothing changed. You didn't divorce her.

Do you see the problem here??
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Sorry, pleiades, sounds miserable!

I was in a one-sided relationship, but my STBXH was selfish. Everything had to be HIS way. It got real old. I left in May 2012 and have NEVER been happier.

New job, bills paid, joined a gym, reconnected with old friends, made new friends, see my family, life is GOOD. I am HAPPY and HEALTHY and excited about LIFE (something I hadn't been in YEARS).

You have my sympathy!
Thank you. I bet you look great and feel great. I am trying.
 

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That nothing will ever change? I do.
:banghead: No.

You didn't follow through. You didn't divorce her. Why should she change?? She knows you don't mean what you say, so what impetus does she have to change anything?

You have to be willing to follow through on your threats. DO IT. File for divorce. If perchance that DOES wake her up you can stop the proceedings. Or else come up with something that you WILL follow through on.
 

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Unless you want a sloppy winded roommate for the rest of your life, you're going to need to follow through with your divorce. She is not the same woman you married.
 

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No mention of the possibility of a thyroid condition or depression as an explanation for why she's changed so drastically?

In my situation, my wife became disinterested in sex, gained a lot of weight, lost all motivation to do much more than sit on the couch. Even told me that she through she was pretty much done with sex and thought (hoped) I was in the same boat.

Turned out that she did have mild depression brought about (most likely) by a thyroid condition. Before we knew that she had polyps on her thyroid, she began treating for the depression - which sadly also added to her weight gain and ironically, while her mood was improving, her self-esteem was being eroded by her weight gain...

We finally discovered the thyroid issue and after her surgery, she changed significantly for the better, mood-wise. As I have learned here - and through my own research - her weight may not come off very quickly until her hormones (synthetic) are stabilized - and even though she is MUCH better now, there are still some residual issues between us (mostly mine) that stemmed from some overly effective coping mechanisms I developed to try to deal with her loss of drive and interest - but that's an entire other thread...

But the crux is that there could be a very real, clinical explanation for why she's changed so much.

BTW, I *love* how so many people are so quick to support divorce as both a threat and solution... It's really no wonder so many marriages fail when people treat divorce as a top 3 option for solving complicated marital issues...
 

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:banghead: No.

You didn't follow through. You didn't divorce her. Why should she change?? She knows you don't mean what you say, so what impetus does she have to change anything?

You have to be willing to follow through on your threats. DO IT. File for divorce. If perchance that DOES wake her up you can stop the proceedings. Or else come up with something that you WILL follow through on.
Yep. She needs to WAKE UP.

Something needs to click which will pull her out of her funk and realize you are serious.
 
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