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My wife has a birthday coming up in April and discussed with me going away to celebrate it in a foreign country.

However I explained that I will not be able to take time off and we would have to celebrate or go away later
In the year when I am more free from work back in Jan.

I just found out yesterday she has booked it without my knowledge after I categorically instructed that it would
not be feasible. The icing on the cake is that there is no refund available and we still cannot go and now we end up
losing $5000 and no holiday.

Before I blew a gasket she did apologise and accept that she screwed up so I have to just accept it and move on.
The only thing that now gets me is that she is still expecting an expensive birthday present after pissing away
Money on holiday we cannot go on!

I mean how would you react? What is the best I way I can be assertive and demand that this behaviour is simply not acceptable and will not be tolerated but without getting angry, I am still seething that she would have done such a stupid thing and lose so much money!!! Especially when I have to work my butt off for the money and provide a good life for my family
 

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Just accepting it and moving on is nothing but rugsweeping. It is difficult to learn from mistakes when there are no consequences.

If it were me, I would get her a nice brochure of the holiday locale that you will not be enjoying and wrap that up for a present.
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Has she done this before?

Does she often not listen?

Can you really not take the time off? Or is it more of a choice and you feel you can't take it off? If you can't why not?

Does she often spend lots of money without first talking to you?
 

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Print out the receipt for the holiday you cannot go, put it in a birthday card, that's her birthday present.
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Accept a $5,000 mistake... Really? I agree she's definitely rug sweeping this situation. Why does she feel so entitled to expensive gifts? You can't buy love. It's greedy and selfish.

Personally, I would have her return the 5,000 back into the bank. I'm not sure if she's working, but if not, she'd have to get at least a part time job. Money just isn't handed to anyone. I'm sure you work very hard to support your family.

This type of spending would be a deal breaker for me. I went through this with my ex h. He would spend money like this and I was the breadwinner at that time. I don't know if he ever stopped spending. He committed identity theft in my name after I left. Thank God for statue of limitations, my credit is again restored.
 

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... she did apologise and accept that she screwed up so I have to just accept it and move on.
Please clarify.

1. she apologised and she accepted that she screwed up, so her take is that, having apologised, she expects me in return to just [rugsweep] it and move on; or

2. she did apologise and accept that she screwed up. So, my take is that what's done is done and I have no practical alternative to just accepting the loss of $5K and moving on.
 

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A $5000 birthday present? Really...
can she atleast go by herself or with a friend so the money is not completely wasted?

You might can sell the trip to someone else and get some of your money back.

Based on your previous posts... your wife feels entitled to your spending money on her.
 
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