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Hi, my name is Francisco and I'm 34 years old. I'm in a relationship for 12 years, married for 5 years and have a 10 month baby. In all this years my wife had to endure all the my stress, negativeness, lack of empaty and bad communication skills.. all which ended in a marriage on the brink of a breakup.

She told me about this forum as an attempt for me to communicate my situation and see the feedback I get.

I'll be posting my relationship story soon and hope to get some feedback. :)

Thank you all!
 

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Well we are pretty honest here so that is good. Does she post here?

So I will start you call yourself clueless but from your post you seem to know what you are doing. As long as you think of yourself as clueless you give yourself an excuse to not do better. Clueless means you actions were no fault of your own but only because you didn't know any better.

all the my stress, negativeness, lack of empaty and bad communication skills
Sounds like you know this is a problem but you have not fixed it. So why is that? Is it just because you didn't care enough to do so until it's got to this point? Where she has forced your hand because she is ready to leave you? Or is it because you don't know how to communicate and don't know how to fix it? The first one is worse in my mind. Probably is a combination of both.

So first off you have to really decide if you want your marriage? If you do then you have to start to value and cherish your wife. I mean to me a women who is willing to give her life to you is a special person and worth working with. You need to start seeing her as your teammate and helper, and you hers. You are building a life together. She is not there to provide you with a way to relieve your stress and negativity, at least not in an unhealthy way. Find another way to do that.

Next your lack of empathy and communications skills. Now a lot of guys suffer from that, but that doesn't mean we can't do it, it's mostly because we have not been taught that. You can learn those sills though, but you have to be willing to learn, that means reading books and probably marriage counseling were you put in an effort.

Did you play sports at one point? Play an instrument? Are you a gamer? It works exactly the same. You read and learn techniques you put those into practice and you slowly get better to the point where it comes easier to you. But just like the 3 things I listed if you never put the work in it won't get better. Everyone can do it, but yes it is hard at first. It also takes being vulnerable in a way that may not come natural to you. You many have even been taught that you shouldn't do that.

Really how motivated are you to change? Do you understand why you must? Do you think it's fair to your wife to stay with you it you don't?
 
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