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Mistake - an error in action, calculation, opinion, or judgment caused by poor reasoning, carelessness, insufficient knowledge, etc.

So you’re saying that it is a mistake because the cheater is mentally challenged?

That the cheater is insufficient in the knowledge of their actions? That they don’t know they chose to have sex with someone else?

That a cheater is so careless that they fell is bed with another person and just started ****ing them? Oops sorry didn’t mean to do that.

That there judgement is impaired to the point that they don’t know right from wrong?

That their reasoning is impaired so they can’t make sound decisions.

If these conditions were in every aspect of the cheater’s life, it could be a mistake. I have yet to see a story where the cheater lacked in any of this areas except once. The girl had no clue how to function in a relationship or life. It has been years ago since she posted about her marriage problems.

Intelligent mentally sound people make a choice to cheat on their SO. They cheat because that is what they want to do at that time. It is a choice they may regret later, it was still a choice.
 

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Discussion Starter · #102 ·
It is a choice that they make. They don’t call it a mistake until they are caught or guilt leads them to confess. Them calling it a mistake is to minimize what they actually did. Like saying it’s only sex they meant nothing to me.
“You say tomato, I say tomahto, you say potato, I say potahto. Tomato tomahto potato potahto, let’s call the whole thing off” …. Like the old song suggests, I’m done here. Time to move on.
 

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“You say tomato, I say tomahto, you say potato, I say potahto. Tomato tomahto potato potahto, let’s call the whole thing off” …. Like the old song suggests, I’m done here. Time to move on.
It is a bit of semantics, but it is a valid point.

Mistake vs. poor choice has to do with intent. A mistake is unintentional while a choice is deliberate. Buying the wrong candy bar is a mistake, stealing the candy bar is a poor choice. So, a cheater makes poor choices to engage in everything that lead to the affair, the affair it self and all the lying required to hide it. The mistake is thinking they could get away with it, that their spouse will never know, maybe even that it won't hurt anyone.
 

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Well ... what about the fact that a choice can sometimes turn out to be a mistake? Is there no room for that in your world? There is in mine. Choice/mistake/whatever. I would forgive. Be hard, but I would.
Something you do that you know is wrong is not a mistake.

But Judge, it was a mistake. I only want scare him off by shooting at him. I did not mean for him to die as a result of his multiple gun shot wounds. I just made a mistake!!!
 

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Something you do that you know is wrong is not a mistake.

But Judge, it was a mistake. I only want scare him off by shooting at him. I did not mean for him to die as a result of his multiple gun shot wounds. I just made a mistake!!!
There is reality of; at the convention, after free drinks all night, and two booth bunnies saying let's go to your room, after the MIL has been staying with H and W for two weeks, causing rifts, and either sex can go why not. Mistake yes.
 

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It is a choice that they make. They don’t call it a mistake until they are caught or guilt leads them to confess. Them calling it a mistake is to minimize what they actually did. Like saying it’s only sex they meant nothing to me.
We'll have to agree to disagree, as I don't thing your view is always the case.
 
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There is reality of; at the convention, after free drinks all night, and two booth bunnies saying let's go to your room, after the MIL has been staying with H and W for two weeks, causing rifts, and either sex can go why not. Mistake yes.
No... Choice.....Wrong choice.....but an intentive choice none the less. to commit adultry. Drinks only take away inhibitions of what you really wanted to do in first place
 

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Discussion Starter · #108 ·
Something you do that you know is wrong is not a mistake.

But Judge, it was a mistake. I only want scare him off by shooting at him. I did not mean for him to die as a result of his multiple gun shot wounds. I just made a mistake!!!
[/QUOTE)
Pretty sure comparing first-degree murder to a one-nigh stand is apples to oranges.
 

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Discussion Starter · #109 ·
No... Choice.....Wrong choice.....but an intentive choice none the less. to commit adultry. Drinks only take away inhibitions of what you really wanted to do in first place
so we can't forgive someone and move on?
 

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Discussion Starter · #111 ·
Of course we can. That is the up to the the person doing the forgiving. You can forgive anything you choose. The issue is without consequences you can expect the behavior to repeat.
Of course we can. That is the up to the the person doing the forgiving. You can forgive anything you choose. The issue is without consequences you can expect the behavior to repeat.
I know people who've been through this when the behavior you talk of did not repeat. Hoping I don't have to make this decision one day. Don't think I will. Again - as i said way back when - this was a speculative conversation after watching a movie in which infidelity was part of the plot.
 

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I know people who've been through this when the behavior you talk of did not repeat. Hoping I don't have to make this decision one day. Don't think I will. Again - as i said way back when - this was a speculative conversation after watching a movie in which infidelity was part of the plot.
I truly hope none of us have to make that decision. I would hazard a guess that since you and your wife are able to talk about it and you've been married so long I doubt you have anything to worry about. Nothing to really back that up than a gut feeling. We've had conversations about it pop up thanks to a movie. I actually try not to watch anything with infidelity, it just makes me uncomfortable to see, even a fictional character, get betrayed like that.
 

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Discussion Starter · #113 ·
I truly hope none of us have to make that decision. I would hazard a guess that since you and your wife are able to talk about it and you've been married so long I doubt you have anything to worry about. Nothing to really back that up than a gut feeling. We've had conversations about it pop up thanks to a movie. I actually try not to watch anything with infidelity, it just makes me uncomfortable to see, even a fictional character, get betrayed like that.
Yeah, I think after 27 years, we should be okay in that department. Our guts do agree ... and some of those movies can be difficult to watch. Like that one with Richard Gere where he accidentally kills his wife's lover, hides the body. I think she was bored, sought excitement, he found out, etc. etc. etc.
 

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so we can't forgive someone and move on?
You can forgive most anything....dont mean there will not be repercussions. I would forgive my ex-wife after a while.

But saying it was a mistake is minimizing it. It is like saying that fine little thing said she was only 14 but, i made a mistake because she was built like a 26 yr old.

When i was early 20s there was that fine blond that used to go to the club, she was 🔥 and i always thought this girl is 26/27 and way outta my league. One night club closing and going to afterhours poker place that you have to know someone to get it. I asked her if she was heading over there. She said owner will not let her in because she was only 14. This girl looked more mature than my female classmates in their 20s.

That being told, if i had pursued this girl after knowing she was 14....just like adultry...
It would not be a mistake....it would be a very bad choice.
 

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Yeah, I think after 27 years, we should be okay in that department. Our guts do agree ... and some of those movies can be difficult to watch. Like that one with Richard Gere where he accidentally kills his wife's lover, hides the body. I think she was bored, sought excitement, he found out, etc. etc. etc.
She should have done time for it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #116 ·
You can forgive most anything....dont mean there will not be repercussions. I would forgive my ex-wife after a while.

But saying it was a mistake is minimizing it. It is like saying that fine little thing said she was only 14 but, i made a mistake because she was built like a 26 yr old.

When i was early 20s there was that fine blond that used to go to the club, she was 🔥 and i always thought this girl is 26/27 and way outta my league. One night club closing and going to afterhours poker place that you have to know someone to get it. I asked her if she was heading over there. She said owner will not let her in because she was only 14. This girl looked more mature than my female classmates in their 20s.

That being told, if i had pursued this girl after knowing she was 14....just like adultry...
It would not be a mistake....it would be a very bad choice.
Okay, okay, okay, i get it already. Folks are not happy with the word "mistake" even though having an affair can be considered a mistake. Quit beat a dead horse. Jesus. I'd forgive her. It would be difficult, but if she had an affair I would focus on saving the marriage. I'm not talking about underage ********. either. My gosh, it's like I'm the President dealing with the White House Press Corps.
 

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This is not a good conversation to have with your SO. The answer should always be "you can start packing your sh!t now", even if there are circumstances where you might consider staying. Anything less comes across as weak at best, and a hall pass at worst.
 

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This is not a good conversation to have with your SO. The answer should always be "you can start packing your sh!t now", even if there are circumstances where you might consider staying. Anything less comes across as weak at best, and a hall pass at worst.
Yeah, I don't see it that way.

It's like the 5th commandment. If the only reason I'm not killing someone is because I have been told not to by someone who can make me regret that choice, then I haven't internalized that morality (sorry, Maslow was a LONG time ago). It is being applied to me, externally, possibly against my wishes. I am behaving no better than a child on his best behavior because mom is looking.

If my partner tells me they could forgive an infidelity, and I use that as an excuse to have an affair, what does that say about my views? Who wants to be married to someone who is only being faithful upon pain of ugly divorce?
 

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Yeah, I don't see it that way.

It's like the 5th commandment. If the only reason I'm not killing someone is because I have been told not to by someone who can make me regret that choice, then I haven't internalized that morality (sorry, Maslow was a LONG time ago). It is being applied to me, externally, possibly against my wishes. I am behaving no better than a child on his best behavior because mom is looking.

If my partner tells me they could forgive an infidelity, and I use that as an excuse to have an affair, what does that say about my views? Who wants to be married to someone who is only being faithful upon pain of ugly divorce?
And I think you are absolutely oblivious to human nature.
Yes, internalized morality is important and highly valued, but it’s only half of the equation.

Virtuous behavior is usually driven / reinforced by a combination of positive morality, as well as desire to avoid negative consequences of bad behavior.

if there are no consequences for bad behavior, or serious doubts that they will be enforced, you have only half the equation.
And most people will be more likely to forget the importance of their positive morality from time to time, especially when there are aggravating circumstances involved.

That’s why weak men get walked on all the time, surely you’ve noticed.
It’s not JUST that they chose poorly in a partner, they also enabled and fed their partner’s worst tendencies with their weakness and lack of clear boundaries / enforcement.
 
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