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Why (and How) Sex is Important to Men

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I think this is a good one, at least it gives the general ideas why chronic rejection won't do any good. Well, maybe some of you sexless husbands could ask your dear wives to read this article. Maybe it will do the trick. If not, tough luck.

:smthumbup:
 

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I totally agree. I've told my wife that me wanting sex is just about being horny. Having sex is about being close to her and one of the few things we can do where its just me and her and nothing else for as long as we do it.

That being said, last night she walked out of the shower in a little towel and that really turned me on. I told her I wanted her and she told me no, she was tired and wait till next weekend when we go on vacation.

That seriously pissed me off. You know what pissed me off even more? The fact that she wasnt to tired to stay up later than usual to finish watching the oscars. Needless to say, i'm not a happy man right now.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I think sex is very important but if thats what it took to get my husband to treat me with a bit of respect I wouldn't have any respect for him.
Mrs. Mildly,

Interesting thought!

Care to explain further? I believe this type of reaction usually happens if there were not much respect given at the first place. In what way(s) do you think your husband has disrespected you, or not giving you enough respect?

I think no amount of sex would solve the problem of being disrespectful, if there are no mutual respect within a marriage.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I totally agree. I've told my wife that me wanting sex is just about being horny. Having sex is about being close to her and one of the few things we can do where its just me and her and nothing else for as long as we do it.

That being said, last night she walked out of the shower in a little towel and that really turned me on. I told her I wanted her and she told me no, she was tired and wait till next weekend when we go on vacation.

That seriously pissed me off. You know what pissed me off even more? The fact that she wasnt to tired to stay up later than usual to finish watching the oscars. Needless to say, i'm not a happy man right now.
Mr. Hawk,

I understand why you're upset, and rightfully so,

Why don't you e-mail this article to your wife, and see how she reacts?

If her reaction are negative, at least by then you will know her opinion about her priorities.

If her reaction are positive, and she's making better efforts to make you happy (and vice versa), surely you'd feel better.
 

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I handed my H the laptop the other night to read this article.

He handed it back after he read it. I asked if he could relate to it, he said no, and not to believe all the stuff I get "fed" on here.

He did not offer any other thoughts at the time and I did not get chance to ask so I don't know how he actually feels apart from little bits he has said in the past which contradict each other.

I guessed he would not relate because I am the higher drive spouse rather than him.

No point asking because he says one thing then the next week he will say he did not mean it, and feels the opposite.

*shrugs*
 

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I handed my H the laptop the other night to read this article.

He handed it back after he read it. I asked if he could relate to it, he said no, and not to believe all the stuff I get "fed" on here.

He did not offer any other thoughts at the time and I did not get chance to ask so I don't know how he actually feels apart from little bits he has said in the past which contradict each other.

I guessed he would not relate because I am the higher drive spouse rather than him.

No point asking because he says one thing then the next week he will say he did not mean it, and feels the opposite.

*shrugs*
I asked my husband a few weeks ago that if sex is an emotional need then why do men feel a physical need for it when they are not emotionally involved with anyone. He stared at me for a minute and asked if that was a trick question.
Posted via Mobile Device
 

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I asked my husband a few weeks ago that if sex is an emotional need then why do men feel a physical need for it when they are not emotionally involved with anyone. He stared at me for a minute and asked if that was a trick question.
Posted via Mobile Device
It's both a physical and emotional need. It certainly starts out as purely a physical need in puberty, with zero emotional component. That physical urge is what turns boys' attention to girls.

And, just my opinion, I think because their interest in girls starts out as physical and then they discover emotions when they get involved with girls, they learn to associate getting their physical urges met with getting their emotional needs met.

Men (and women) don't masturbate to fill an emotional need. That's just physical.

And sex is not the only way men's emotional needs are met.

So sex = filling emotional needs is not the only equation; it's one of many.
 

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I believe it is an emotional need for both men and women. It is how we feel that close bond that we share. For a man sex is the way that his wife or SO shows their love for them. Come on everyone, show the love....
 

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Just be glad you're not in my situation. We were having sexual issues/lack of sex before I become unemployed. Six months with only a few freelance jobs, despite all of my best efforts to land full time work, and I'm in no position to make any demands, or even requests.
I remember a year ago I realized why being sexually rejected hurt so much. (we were at a point when even a gentle touch would cause her to look at me in complete and utter disgust) It felt like such a deep, primal rejection of who I am as a person. Even though I would put on a strong face, inside it was as if I was being stabbed. This article clarifies what's going on with that.
I know it's going to be a long climb back to a healthy physical relationship, even when I do get work. I just hope my future job covers therapy, because I'm really going to need it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Just be glad you're not in my situation. We were having sexual issues/lack of sex before I become unemployed. Six months with only a few freelance jobs, despite all of my best efforts to land full time work, and I'm in no position to make any demands, or even requests.
I remember a year ago I realized why being sexually rejected hurt so much. (we were at a point when even a gentle touch would cause her to look at me in complete and utter disgust) It felt like such a deep, primal rejection of who I am as a person. Even though I would put on a strong face, inside it was as if I was being stabbed. This article clarifies what's going on with that.
I know it's going to be a long climb back to a healthy physical relationship, even when I do get work. I just hope my future job covers therapy, because I'm really going to need it.
Mr. 88,

I am sorry to hear about your situation, and how your wife treat you.

If her behavior caused you deep resentment, there are possibilities that you won't be able to forget about it, even after you're getting a better job.

Indeed, you need counselling and therapy.

It's also not good if you are basing your self-worth in your work, or lack thereof. In a marriage, respect should be mutual.

If you're unemployed, and just sitting your ass doing nothing, earning nothing, making no efforts...it is understandable that your family's respect towards you will be lessened.

But the fact is that you are actually making serious efforts to get a job, even freelance jobs. Therefore you wife should be giving you a little more credit for that.

I think, a marriage where there are no mutual respect, is a failed marriage, and should be treated accordingly.
 

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Why (and How) Sex is Important to Men



I think this is a good one, at least it gives the general ideas why chronic rejection won't do any good. Well, maybe some of you sexless husbands could ask your dear wives to read this article. Maybe it will do the trick. If not, tough luck.

:smthumbup:
I've read this before. Passed it on to my wife. Didn't help us but she passed it onto a friend who was in a separation and she took it to heart ... she is no longer separated.
 

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Mrs. Mildly,

Interesting thought!

Care to explain further? I believe this type of reaction usually happens if there were not much respect given at the first place. In what way(s) do you think your husband has disrespected you, or not giving you enough respect?

I think no amount of sex would solve the problem of being disrespectful, if there are no mutual respect within a marriage.
I was responding to the end of your article:

Things start to happen. He becomes more apt to ask you how your day has been, or to offer to cook dinner. He becomes more inclined to romance you a bit more (in your way, rather than his, which is unsurprisingly probably sexual). You might stop having to ask four or five times for him to take out the trash (he might do it on the first request now!).
I would not be at all happy if sex was a prerequisite for my husband to make small talk or do a few small chores in a shared house without nagging. I think it would show he had no respect for me as a person. I am not just a vessel to service his physical needs and I would not put up with being treated that way.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
I would not be at all happy if sex was a prerequisite for my husband to make small talk or do a few small chores in a shared house without nagging. I think it would show he had no respect for me as a person. I am not just a vessel to service his physical needs and I would not put up with being treated that way.
:iagree::smthumbup:

Indeed! If sex is a requirement before respect is given, then it is not right! Mutual respect should always exist from the beginning!
 

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Although perhaps being sexually satisfied makes a man feel naturally more mellow, and hence inclined to notice these things that need doing, as he's no longer quite so inwardly focused ...?

And he might feel more loved as well?

Just a thought
 

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I asked my husband a few weeks ago that if sex is an emotional need then why do men feel a physical need for it when they are not emotionally involved with anyone. He stared at me for a minute and asked if that was a trick question.
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Maybe it is my warped sense of humor but I found this really funny. I guess it is because guys sometimes find themselves thinking to themselves...ok...how do I answer this one. You know, like the question, "Does this make me look fat?"
 
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His Needs her Needs does a good job in explaining this IMO. Emotional needs for men may be typical for men. The same for women. Women can have similar needs but they may be in a different priority.

Not all men, but typically men's top two needs are :

1) Sexual fullfillment

2) respect / admiration

There are other needs but realisitically they do not make up for the lack of these.

Most men need sex to connect. Most women need to connect to have sex. Typically.
 

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I was responding to the end of your article:



I would not be at all happy if sex was a prerequisite for my husband to make small talk or do a few small chores in a shared house without nagging. I think it would show he had no respect for me as a person. I am not just a vessel to service his physical needs and I would not put up with being treated that way.
I think you are missing the point here. Sex is not a prerequisite for me to make small talk of do chores. However, when a man, or anyone, feels rejected he (or she) tends to close down emotionally. When that happens, there is no intimacy, translated the guy shuts off communication. When he feels loved and appreciated, he is more likely to become a better husband.

I am going to turn the tables here. I have read in multiple articles something like this: women spell intimacy T-A-L-K and men spell intimacy S-E-X. So if a man does not tend to the emotional needs of his wife she will likely not desire physical intimacy with him. So does that mean that if talking or doing chores was a "prerequisite" for getting my wife to have sex with me, that would be disrespecting me?

This has nothing to do with respect. It is about both partners seeking to meet the needs of the other so they feel loved and appreciated. For me, sex is huge in my feeling emotionally close to my wife. In fact, I just could not see myself having sex with my wife, or anyone for that matter, without a deep emotional connection. I know I may be different, but if I am really upset with her about something (which is extremely rare) I can't make love with her until it is resolved. But then again, I have no idea what it is like to have casual sex since she has been my only sex partner.
 

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I was responding to the end of your article:



I would not be at all happy if sex was a prerequisite for my husband to make small talk or do a few small chores in a shared house without nagging. I think it would show he had no respect for me as a person. I am not just a vessel to service his physical needs and I would not put up with being treated that way.
Women don't seem to understand that this works both ways.

Small talk and doing chores are important to YOU, so he should do them because he wants to be a good partner in the relationship and not just to allow him to use you as a 'vessel'.

Sex is important to HIM, so you should do it with him because you want to be a good partner in the relationship and not just because you want to use him as a ''insert need here" (wallet, carpenter, psychologist, etc.).

Bottom line is both have to be good partners. Your analogy only works if you believe that talking and sharing chores are part of a relationship that is a given and that sex isn't.
 

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Women don't seem to understand that this works both ways.

Small talk and doing chores are important to YOU, so he should do them because he wants to be a good partner in the relationship and not just to allow him to use you as a 'vessel'.

Sex is important to HIM, so you should do it with him because you want to be a good partner in the relationship and not just because you want to use him as a ''insert need here" (wallet, carpenter, psychologist, etc.).

Bottom line is both have to be good partners. Your analogy only works if you believe that talking and sharing chores are part of a relationship that is a given and that sex isn't.
Its polite to announce yourself when you come in, make at least a few sentences of small talk and to tidy after yourself. I expect this of anyone I live with whether I'm sleeping with them or not. It is absolutely a given for sharing a house.

BTW I'm not getting any ATM so should I stop cooking, cleaning, listening to his boring work stories... ?
 
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