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Discussion Starter #1
Hi people,

I never thought I would be on a forum talking about this.

Long Story Short:


Wife and I got along fairly well. Didn't argue very often. I thought things were great, and apparently she was unhappy. I'm not perfect and made some mistakes relationship wise such as expecting too much of her or pressuring her to be better with her money, but I never cheated, lied, or anything like that. I'm 29. She's 26.


We had dated once when we were both younger. I broke up with her because she was still quite immature.

The we dated again a few years later for about a month, but then she got back with her ex. I kind of understood. She had helped raise his child since he had a job where he was never home except weekends. Some time later after then had been split for half a year or so, we started talking and dating again. Over the next 4 years, got married, had a kid, got a house. You know the deal.


We are married with a 3 year old child.

Wife said she was unhappy one day, but not going to leave me.
During this time she secretly got an apartment and moved out one weekend.
Said she wanted to work things out but needed space.

I then discovered she had been cheating on me with her ex from 5 years ago. Law breaking, drug doing, in and out of jail type of guy.
Her ex from 5 years ago was eating out with his ex at a restaurant and my wife suspected it, drove by, and caught him. Instant Karma. She told me that he hurt her way worse than what she ever did to me. WTF?


I filed for divorce, everything was agreed upon with no arguing. It will be final in August.

Even her own family is all on my side due to her actions as of late. They voluntarily said would support me if I wanted to try to get full custody. But I in no way want to fight a bunch in court or take my child away from her mother.


After 2 weeks of being broke up with her ex, she has already started dating another guy, a guy that her ex works with. In my divorce papers, I have that our kid is not to be around another spouse from 90 days after signing. She is planning a vacation with her new man, our kid, and his kid (same age as our kid) exactly one week after the 90 days is up. Absolutely ridiculous. 2 weeks together, not even divorced and recently out of the other relationship where she was cheating and she is planning family vacations with this guy.



Anyway, this is where I am left. Betrayed. I hate her, yet I miss her. I'm trying my best to move on, and she's been in 2 "serious" relationships.


My problems are, I dislike my career choice (accounting/ sitting in an office all day), but it pays well. Accounting was supposed to be temporary. I want to start a business, but have no idea how I'll ever get the kind of money I need to start it. I was well on my way to saving it all up, but in the divorce I got the house and all the associated bills. My monthly expenses doubled. It's cheaper than rent, and the housing market is crazy in this expanding area. I could sell and buy smaller, but there isn't much available. To be honest though, my bills are reasonable and the value of my home will definitely go up a lot in the years to come.

I could get a roommate, but none of my friends are looking and I don't want or trust a stranger in my house or around my young kid.

My biggest problem is, I don't see the point in anything anymore. I've tried new hobbies, old hobbies, socializing, etc. If it wasn't for my child, I'd probably quit my current job and move into a cheap shack in the woods to live out my days smoking weed and playing video games. I've lost all love for life. I don't feel deeply depressed anymore like when all of this first started happening 5 months ago, but I'm not happy with my life.

I'm still pursuing goals, losing weight, and getting back into dating shape to try and get some of my confidence back. I don't even want to date, but I would like a confidence boost.

Time heals all wounds, yada yada. But I don't know that time will, as my entire perspective on life has changed. My only joy is my child, and I know that one day she will be grown and living her own life where I will just visit with her or see her once or twice a week or something.
 

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best thing to do is take it one day at a time.. thats all you can do.. I can recommend a site- meetup- they have many groups and activities across the US.. try some and it's less about the activity and more about meeting new people in general to help get you out of your funk. The best way to do that is zone out and get your mind off of it by doing other things...
 

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Reading your post text, you express well.
You sound like a smart guy.

That is a plus.

Keep on, keep on doing what you are doing. Get in shape, go at dating and life slowly. Stay away from alcohol.

The thing about life....

It changes every day, from good to bad, back to good, to neutral, to OK.

We all get into slumps.
After what she did to you, if you did not feel down, let down, you would have to be a potato.

What sort of business {starting} did you have in mind?





[THM]- Lilith
 

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You sound pretty together....I think what you're feeling is normal.

Let the anger against her go, its not good for you. But remember that she isn't marriage material.

One suggestion for the future: you mentioned getting into dating shape. That implies you let yourself go.....big no no and never good for a marriage. You should maintain yourself all the time.....its good for you.
 

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These feelings are all completely normal. You are still very fresh into all of this, so you still have a lot of emotions and stages to work through. This place you are at is not permanent, I promise you. Let yourself feel it, then keep moving.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
best thing to do is take it one day at a time.. thats all you can do.. I can recommend a site- meetup- they have many groups and activities across the US.. try some and it's less about the activity and more about meeting new people in general to help get you out of your funk. The best way to do that is zone out and get your mind off of it by doing other things...
Thanks. I've gave this a try. There is no real activity or any groups in my area.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Reading your post text, you express well.
You sound like a smart guy.

That is a plus.

Keep on, keep on doing what you are doing. Get in shape, go at dating and life slowly. Stay away from alcohol.

The thing about life....

It changes every day, from good to bad, back to good, to neutral, to OK.

We all get into slumps.
After what she did to you, if you did not feel down, let down, you would have to be a potato.

What sort of business {starting} did you have in mind?





[THM]- Lilith


I've ran through a thousand ideas over the years, but I've finally settled on an idea. I want to start a local excavation service. I've noticed there are none in the immediate area for at least an hour and a half drive to the major cities in either direction, and even then there are only a couple. This is a fast growing area, as in 30+ major stores restaraunts and businesses have moved in over the past year with a lot more in the works.

To start, I need quite a bit of assets. Nothing astronomical, but certainly not easy at my current salary and expenses. Minimum: 1 dump truck or 1 dump trailer (pretty close in cost), a larger personal truck, heavy equipment trailer, and the excavator itself (will start with a mini excavator). Insurance etc is no big deal. After I can get these things together I want to work nights and weekends to buy a skidsteer. Then hopefully go full time, hire someone to run the skidsteer purchase a backhoe, and go up from there.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
You sound pretty together....I think what you're feeling is normal.

Let the anger against her go, its not good for you. But remember that she isn't marriage material.

One suggestion for the future: you mentioned getting into dating shape. That implies you let yourself go.....big no no and never good for a marriage. You should maintain yourself all the time.....its good for you.

I'm not in terrible shape. I've lifted pretty steadily for a few years now, much stronger than years ago.

I gave up running due to a bad knee. I just packed on a few pounds from when we met the first time a decade ago.

But, I'm probably 20 pounds lighter right now than when we last started dating again 5 years ago, before we got married etc. When we met way back when I was a skinny young punk with a 6 pack at 130 lbs. Currently, I've got about 25 lbs to lose and I will have a 6 pack at 150ish lbs. I'm only 5 8'. I've put on a bit of muscle. I would just like to get lean and see my abs again.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
These feelings are all completely normal. You are still very fresh into all of this, so you still have a lot of emotions and stages to work through. This place you are at is not permanent, I promise you. Let yourself feel it, then keep moving.
It looks like I don't really have a choice in the matter. I just want to feel a point in all my goals and tasks.
 

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Hey SW,

Your plan sounds like a good one. I had an uncle who did the same thing.

Here is a bit of a modification to your plan.

Start with a Ditch Witch. You can do the earth work that appeals to you without the need for external equipment. Build capital with that first. The best way is to get contracts
with your city for running street light and utility wiring. Fiber optics works great as well and a certification for fiber optics work is easy to get.

Otherwise:

Start with a skid steer that has a brush clearing attachment and get a contract with a pipeline company to keep the right of ways clear.

Each of the above options start with only one piece of equipment.

You can secure a bank loan easily if you have a contract in hand.

If you decide to do the brush cutter I recommend you go with the Caterpillar equipment. The foreign made competitor runs a Deutz engine that does not hold up well for that application.
 

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Discussion Starter #16
Hey SW,

Your plan sounds like a good one. I had an uncle who did the same thing.

Here is a bit of a modification to your plan.

Start with a Ditch Witch. You can do the earth work that appeals to you without the need for external equipment. Build capital with that first. The best way is to get contracts
with your city for running street light and utility wiring. Fiber optics works great as well and a certification for fiber optics work is easy to get.

Otherwise:

Start with a skid steer that has a brush clearing attachment and get a contract with a pipeline company to keep the right of ways clear.

Each of the above options start with only one piece of equipment.

You can secure a bank loan easily if you have a contract in hand.

If you decide to do the brush cutter I recommend you go with the Caterpillar equipment. The foreign made competitor runs a Deutz engine that does not hold up well for that application.

A mini ex and skid-steer puts me in the same realm of needing a bigger truck and trailer, but it would allow me to postpone a dump trailer/ truck.

I like the ditch witch idea more, and it was an original consideration of mine. It does limit the work I can do though.
 

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@SunWhiskey this is a great business idea. But unless you have had previous experience I feel it would be a potentially risky venture from a financial and a safety point of view.

Could you get get some experience with a contractor before you go into this business?

You will almost certainly need licences to operate the equipment and you would need proper training.

I'm not trying to burst your bubble but it's not an easy business to operate in and it is certainly not a business for people with no experience. It's also very seasonal and not suitable for winter work.

There aren't many operators in your area? There may be a very good reason for this. Try to find out why before you make a financial commitment.

What on earth could go wrong, you might be thinking?

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5732015/Mother-four-crushed-death-dumper-truck-tipped-garden.html
Mother-of-four is crushed to death by a dumper truck when it tipped over in her garden while she was building a ramp for her elderly neighbour
and even the professionals get it wrong, sometimes:-
https://www.ioshmagazine.com/article/pc-fined-600-000-after-worker-was-killed-by-dumper-truck
Principle Contractor fined £600,000 after worker was killed by dumper truck
 

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You have a good plan. That's the best way to get started in business.

And, you've been struck by lightning......I'm sorry to hear of you wife's awful treatment she doled out on you. I'm not a bit surprised that you feel depressed and "what's the use ?? " after all that's happened to you.
 

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Glad you are rid of her. You will feel better once you start dating a good woman!

The business idea is great. Our friends that did this had to rent equipment at first and then buy the pieces slowly (geez they are expensive!) but now they are set. If your property has a lot of equity, you could possibly do what you said and move into a much smaller place in the meantime, or perhaps do a home equity line of credit to get your equipment.

You are going to do great. Forget her, you have a bright future. Now have fun planning and living it!
 

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Discussion Starter #20
@SunWhiskey this is a great business idea. But unless you have had previous experience I feel it would be a potentially risky venture from a financial and a safety point of view.

Could you get get some experience with a contractor before you go into this business?

You will almost certainly need licences to operate the equipment and you would need proper training.

I'm not trying to burst your bubble but it's not an easy business to operate in and it is certainly not a business for people with no experience. It's also very seasonal and not suitable for winter work.

There aren't many operators in your area? There may be a very good reason for this. Try to find out why before you make a financial commitment.

What on earth could go wrong, you might be thinking?

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5732015/Mother-four-crushed-death-dumper-truck-tipped-garden.html


and even the professionals get it wrong, sometimes:-
https://www.ioshmagazine.com/article/pc-fined-600-000-after-worker-was-killed-by-dumper-truck

To operate the dump and pull a large equipment trailer, I will need my cdl.
I was previously in the military, and have ran much larger trucks, so I'm not worried at all about operating a small dump.


I've used mini excavators, ditch witches, and skid steers in the past. No licenses are needed to operate any of this equipment.

I haven't ran a backhoe, but controls are relatively the same depending on the model.


It slows down in winter, but isn't seasonal work such as mowing. Water lines, etc, burst more often in the winter, and construction goes on year round. This is one reason I would like to get a model with a cab on it.


There are some large operators in my area, but there are not many smaller outfits. I can operate with a much lower overhead cost than these 25+ dump truck operations and take smaller residential jobs they typically avoid. I've got 2 friends with some equipment and each operates within his own niche. One of my friends is a one man operation with a dozer, who will certainly refer work my way. Another of my friends is a plumber with a mini ex, but has no way to haul material off as that typically isn't needed in his business. When he digs a hole, he fills it back in.

There are always risks of giving up a financially secure job, but I like to think I've done a decent risk analysis and hit it from all angles. I'm typically an over-thinker.
 
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