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Im not talking about looking (but it does bother me), im talking about following them. Especially after 2020 when i gained 20pounds from stress eating (two small kids, pandamics, low money and stuff, no seep bc one kid had night panic), i dont have self esteem for it not bother me.
Wouldn't it be better for you to work on yourself?
Isn't gaining 20lbs disrespectful to your partner?
 

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Discussion Starter · #25 ·
Wouldn't it be better for you to work on yourself?
Isn't gaining 20lbs disrespectful to your partner?
If he stays with the kids so i can exercise once in awhile (i ALWAYS enjoyed sports) i would probably lose some of my 165 for my 5,4 and go back in shape. I dont complain about his weight, though.

Im over my old weight, but not THAT overweight.

I can better myself, but with a 1 and a 4 year old im pretty busy.

ANYWAYS, you went outside the question and i can feel your bitterness from here. I wqsnt talking to you or bitter toward you, no need for this.
 

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If he stays with the kids so i can exercise once in awhile (i ALWAYS enjoyed sports) i would probably lose some of my 165 for my 5,4 and go back in shape. I dont complain about his weight, though.
I find it really hard to lose weight just through exercise.
Cycled 20Km this morning, using a little over an hour, only 600Kcals, that's 1/2 a Big Mac combo.
The only way I can lose my extra weight is by eating less, doesn't take any time, doesn't cost me any money.
It's not easy, but if you put in a little effort and a lot of determination, it's worthwhile for your self esteem.

You can't change your husband's behaviour, but you might be able to make him a little more secretive. You can only change you.

Sorry if my previous post seemed a little insensitive, I could have worded it better.
 
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QUOTE="moon7, post: 20382174, member: 58060"]Dp you believe its disrespectful for a husband to keep adding hot instagram "models" or wanna-bes with hot pictures?
)[/QUOTE]


Nope.

QUOTE="moon7, post: 20382174, member: 58060"]

How would you react?

)[/QUOTE]

I would check them out with him. To be fair, I workout 6 days a week and I’m fit. I think it bothers you because you don’t like the way you look. I’m not trying to be mean. Just offering a different perspective.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

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In a general sense, no, it’s 100% not disrespectful. We all have people we are attracted to, even if it’s not our spouse. It’s unreasonable for one to assume the single person on God’s green earth we can be attracted to is our partner. That’s just jealousy. I speak to my spouse about our celebrity “passes” as a joke. I know they’re attracted to that person. But it’s harmless all being said.

In a specific sense, it depends on reasonable circumstances. Does the other person KNOW this bothers you? If so, a talk should happen. There’s got to be some leeway. That’s just the reality. If they know and do it anyway, then yes, that’s disrespectful. If they do it behind your back and try to be sneaky/hide it, that’s disrespectful.
 

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Dp you believe its disrespectful for a husband to keep adding hot instagram "models" or wanna-bes with hot pictures?
No

How would you react?
I would be indifferent.

I deleted and we had an argument long ago, but i had to go behind his back and delete again and aagain, but im just tired to have any talk about it.
If I were married to you, I would tell you "I like it, I am not going to stop doing what I like, and you should feel free to do as you like as well". How you would take that is entirely up to you of course, since people should be free to do as they like (as long as it's adult, consenting and legal). In the same way I don't tell my wife what she can or can't do, I don't humour my wife telling me what to do either. So my wife and I are married because we continue to choose to be. For us there is no compulsion in our marriage.

That said going back to the hypothetical, if I were your spouse and you deleted things without my permission. I would remove any access you have to all of my devices and usernames etc. And I would also literally tell you to "**** off, and leave my stuff alone" (as I would to anyone doing that). Since as far as I am concerned one forfeits access privileges, if they cannot be trusted to not delete or destroy things without explicit and specific consent.

(And dont come talking "his privacy bla bla". I dont care about hia privacy. If any husband wants privacy, then he can start by washing his own socks and underwear, do his dishes, cook his food and clean his bathroom. After that we can TALK about privacy 🙄)
As to privacy, I'm all for sharing. And do so generously with my wife, because she continues to behave in a manner that affords both of us my trust.

On chores my wife and I both take turns sharing washing, dishes, cooking and cleaning. Since that is just something that needs doing that we both share responsibility for, with neither of us being each others servants.

If you don't want to wash your husbands underwear, then don't. On the other hand if you do want to wash his underwear, then do. It's that easy, so on and so on.

I think it's both disrespectful and inconsiderate. He knows how you feel about it, yet doesn't care about your feelings enough to adjust his behavior.
That is an interesting perspective, since my wife and I share the opposite perspective. Where we both find it is disrespectful and inconsiderate to expect and or demand that sexual partners ought to change to conform to their partner/s wants.

My wife and I accept each other as we are, knowing it is poor form to expect the other to be someone they are not. While being cognisant that it is a fools errand, to think that one can make somebody be someone they are not.

Likewise using your logic the same could also be said that moon7 is disrespectful and inconsiderate of her husband, and doesn't care enough about his feelings to adjust her behaviour.

It is worth understanding that great marital relationships, aren't built upon wanting ones spouse to behave as if they were someone else.

At the end of the day if if someone wants their spouse to behave like someone else. Then they would do well to divorce them, so that they are better placed to find someone else who may be closer to who they actually desire as a partner.

Do you want to keep having to look over your shoulder and discipline him? There's no nice way to address this.
Yes she would do well to get over herself, and address her own insecurities, rather than project them onto him. Or of course instead end her marriage, if she is unwilling to accept her husband as the man he actually is.

No one says you can't look, but if you want to pull this crap, best be single. Maybe OP should start following a bunch of muscled half-naked men on Instagram too and liking all their provocative pics, see how he likes dem apples.
Who made you the arbiter of who ought to be married or not?

Since although I'm not @OnTheRocks, I'm 25 years and 3 months into a splendid ongoing sexual relationship with my wife, (who I've been happily married to for 21 years and almost 5 months.

As to looking at half naked (or even naked) men, I don't see how that ought to be an issue either. Some men are great to look at, so she should feel free as anyone else to enjoy such sights as she likes.

As an aside, I have a bookshelf full of books in the bedroom I share with my wife. That is filled with picture books featuring adult; pin ups, erotica, hardcore pornography and nudity. Also as someone who produces nude and erotic art amongst other illustrative and photographic work. I have clothed female models, nude male and female models, and women sex workers, pus two brothels (one many hours drive away and the other overseas), follow me on some social media and I follow some of them back as well. Especially the ones who I have paid to model for me or they have paid for me to depict them (as encouraged by my wonderful wife).

Btw, you truly must have very limited experience with women, because most would punt you instead of dealing with immature shenanigans, or drool over men in front of you to give you a dose of your medicine. It's way easier for women to get sex than men, btw, so who do you think would win that stupid game?
I've had plenty of women as sexual partners including two marriages, one other longer term relationship, and several shorter ones. That said admittedly I have never been with any women from North America. Yet I have been with women from various countries in Britain, North Western Europe, Eastern Europe, South America, East Asia, South East Asia the Mediterranean, Southern Africa and Australia.

Of which none had an issue with my liking pornography, erotica and nudity. In my experience owning what I enjoy, not being shy about it, not hiding it and not being anything but true to myself, has seen the women I have been with be perfectly fine with it.

In my experience if a man acts like such things are shameful, his interest in such things will be treated as shameful by his sexual partners. On the other hand if a man chooses not to be apologetic about such things, they often find themselves with sexual partners who will accept and or embrace such things as well.

And the same also applies to women, be true to yourself and don't be ashamed of being who you are, however you are.

I'm glad I haven't men "most men" like this, most men I've met are decent enough and fairly respectable to keep that **** on the down low.
It's probably very difficult for moon7's husband to keep it on the down low, with a wife who is looking for it so that she can have reasons to be upset about it. Perhaps she would do well to, stop looking for it. Or if that isn't satisfactory for her, then she should feel free to divorce him.
 

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I am curious why you care so much about your husband just looking at pictures of attractive women. If he isn't interacting with them in any way, simping for them, or spending money on them, what's the big deal? I think the bigger issue here is you logging into his IG account and controlling what he can and cannot see by deleting people he follows online.
 

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I don't understand nor care to understand this "following" ******** thing. I just ask why do people need to validate their **** by "following" someone? I think of myself as a leader rather than a "follower".
I guess is true that the masses are lemmings "following" while the few lead.
Imagine how stupid it is to virtually follow someone that you don't know nor never will.
Now on the topic of looking at pictures of hot women, if I want to watch I do, period. If my wife were to object (she doesn't), I would put a stop to her nagging immediately. I could care less if I'm deemed a male chauvinistic pig. Also if she were to want to look at pictures of naked men, she can go ahead. I'm not one of those insecure individuals that anything material or immaterial is a threat. Nor I'm one of those puritanical (which abound specially in the US) individuals for whom everything is a sin, while being nothing but hypocrites.


As for the OP: if you don't like it: GET OUT. Not one is stopping you. Whatever you say to the contrary you're coming across as an insecure, controlling nag.
 

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Discussion Starter · #33 · (Edited)
I don't understand nor care to understand this "following" * thing. I just ask why do people need to validate their * by "following" someone? I think of myself as a leader rather than a "follower".
I guess is true that the masses are lemmings "following" while the few lead.
Imagine how stupid it is to virtually follow someone that you don't know nor never will.
Now on the topic of looking at pictures of hot women, if I want to watch I do, period. If my wife were to object (she doesn't), I would put a stop to her nagging immediately. I could care less if I'm deemed a male chauvinistic pig. Also if she were to want to look at pictures of naked men, she can go ahead. I'm not one of those insecure individuals that anything material or immaterial is a threat. Nor I'm one of those puritanical (which abound specially in the US) individuals for whom everything is a sin, while being nothing but hypocrites.


As for the OP: if you don't like it: GET OUT. Not one is stopping you. Whatever you say to the contrary you're coming across as an insecure, controlling nag.
Im not talking about watching, im talking about following/being instagram friends and people grom my family and his family seing he is following those "models" (i mean, its almost porn) at his instagram.

Everybody knows its for masterbation and stuff. I feel embarrassed. I feel its disrespectful toward me. It definitely humiliates me publicly. He has my mom, my aunts, brother, sister, even my SIL and cousins there. Not to mention he doesnt ever had me at his facebook (he hardly uses), but did a instagram and the FIRST people he followed were soft-porn models (women shaking asses with bikini and panties).

Sorry, NOT SORRY, i got upset and since then i look at his instagram once in awhile. Im not cold blooded, he always knew this, never lied.

If HE wanna get out he gets out, IM SATYING HERE!!! And he choses: happy wife=happy life or he choses not to be a very happy man. He can look at his own wife all he wants and be a happy man with a happy wife, or he can be instagram friends with women who will never care for him and have a nagging wife. His choice.

And i wont downgrade myself adding hot half naked men at my social media. Ew, what a loser move 🤢

Ps:
Im wasnt talking about if its morally wrong (even though it is! Doesnt matter how much you lie to yourself saying it isnt!).
Ps2:
I dont know why people read one thing and answer about OTHER.
 

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Discussion Starter · #34 ·
You know what???

Thank you all people from your insights, the good and the bad.

It made me notice im acting like a loser.

Now im gonna NAG and complain for real.

Next time a see a ho there IM GONNA DELETE HIS INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT AND BREAK HIS PHONE😡😡

Hahahah

Im not kidding!!!

No nice girl here 😂😂😂
 

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Please come back in a week and tell us how things worked out.
 
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Moon, I'm glad you found a solution, hopefully, it works for both of you. I don't think some posters understand the cultural implications of having their spouse follow some of these "models" publically in view of your family. Is that a cultural thing? People outside your culture may not be able to understand that.

I grew up in the Caribbean, in a very sexually open culture, we have a Carnival likes Brazil's. Sexy models are everywhere, there's even a local magazine sold alongside newspapers readily available. However, the men I grew up around (family and friends) were discrete, they didn't rub their wife's noses in it.

That is an interesting perspective, since my wife and I share the opposite perspective. Where we both find it is disrespectful and inconsiderate to expect and or demand that sexual partners ought to change to conform to their partner/s wants.

My wife and I accept each other as we are, knowing it is poor form to expect the other to be someone they are not. While being cognisant that it is a fools errand, to think that one can make somebody be someone they are not.

Likewise using your logic the same could also be said that moon7 is disrespectful and inconsiderate of her husband, and doesn't care enough about his feelings to adjust her behaviour.

It is worth understanding that great marital relationships, aren't built upon wanting ones spouse to behave as if they were someone else.

At the end of the day if if someone wants their spouse to behave like someone else. Then they would do well to divorce them, so that they are better placed to find someone else who may be closer to who they actually desire as a partner.

Yes she would do well to get over herself, and address her own insecurities, rather than project them onto him. Or of course instead end her marriage, if she is unwilling to accept her husband as the man he actually is.

Who made you the arbiter of who ought to be married or not?

Since although I'm not @OnTheRocks, I'm 25 years and 3 months into a splendid ongoing sexual relationship with my wife, (who I've been happily married to for 21 years and almost 5 months.

As to looking at half naked (or even naked) men, I don't see how that ought to be an issue either. Some men are great to look at, so she should feel free as anyone else to enjoy such sights as she likes.

As an aside, I have a bookshelf full of books in the bedroom I share with my wife. That is filled with picture books featuring adult; pin ups, erotica, hardcore pornography and nudity. Also as someone who produces nude and erotic art amongst other illustrative and photographic work. I have clothed female models, nude male and female models, and women sex workers, pus two brothels (one many hours drive away and the other overseas), follow me on some social media and I follow some of them back as well. Especially the ones who I have paid to model for me or they have paid for me to depict them (as encouraged by my wonderful wife).

I've had plenty of women as sexual partners including two marriages, one other longer term relationship, and several shorter ones. That said admittedly I have never been with any women from North America. Yet I have been with women from various countries in Britain, North Western Europe, Eastern Europe, South America, East Asia, South East Asia the Mediterranean, Southern Africa and Australia.

Of which none had an issue with my liking pornography, erotica and nudity. In my experience owning what I enjoy, not being shy about it, not hiding it and not being anything but true to myself, has seen the women I have been with be perfectly fine with it.

In my experience if a man acts like such things are shameful, his interest in such things will be treated as shameful by his sexual partners. On the other hand if a man chooses not to be apologetic about such things, they often find themselves with sexual partners who will accept and or embrace such things as well.

And the same also applies to women, be true to yourself and don't be ashamed of being who you are, however you are.

It's probably very difficult for moon7's husband to keep it on the down low, with a wife who is looking for it so that she can have reasons to be upset about it. Perhaps she would do well to, stop looking for it. Or if that isn't satisfactory for her, then she should feel free to divorce him.
Wow, you have more to say to me than OP! Impressive. I get it, you're like CatholicDad's nemesis, and get sensitive to any negative comments about anything to do with porn. Like you, I'm a product of my culture, upbringing and experience, so my perspective is naturally different to yours.

I agree no one should ever expect anyone to change to conform to them! It's a pity more people don't show their true selves more when they're courting so you can make a more informed decision about a spouse. Unfortunately, many disagreeable habits show up when rings are on and complacency sets in.

Anyway, this is moon and her husband's marriage, not yours or mine, and she's not happy with what he's doing. She said nothing about telling him he shouldn't look at other women or porn, but don't follow these kinds of women on his very public social media for her family to see. I don't think you understand this, because you share details about your non-mainstream sex life on a public forum, many people don't.

I don't know where you got that I'm an arbiter of marriage, I simply cannot understand why people bother getting married if they're going to focus their sexual energy on external parties. Watching porn is one thing, actively following "models" on social media is quite another. There's another thread where this lady's husband messages the models, where do you see this train headed next?
 
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