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Ok, but I still get the feeling that his needs are more important and most posters here agree with that. Fine. I'll leave it to that.
I don't get this attitude at all. Like it's a contest and you are labelling his needs "more important" because he's interested in sex with his wife after being away.

No wonder so many married men are beaten down and unhappy.

"No, we're not going to have sex unless you sit there and listen about 4 year old Johnny's home lesson FIRST."

Ugh.

No wonder men's testosterone levels are plummeting in today's world, probably a biological defense mechanism because these are the kinds of relationships they have.
 

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I don't get this attitude at all. Like it's a contest and you are labelling his needs "more important" because he's interested in sex with his wife after being away.

No wonder so many married men are beaten down and unhappy.

"No, we're not going to have sex unless you sit there and listen about 4 year old Johnny's home lesson FIRST."

Ugh.

No wonder men's testosterone levels are plummeting in today's world, probably a biological defense mechanism because these are the kinds of relationships they have.
I'm out.
 

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It’s a shame the OP got banned. She needs to figure out how to reach out and make friends. She seems really lonely and needs someone to talk to so she isn’t so isolated. It’s got to be really miserable when the only people you have to talk to are children, and it has to feel really bad to know no one is interested in your life. She’s doing something so invaluable by homeschooling her children; I understand there are huge support groups for homeschooling moms, that would help her make friends and decrease her feelings of isolation. I hope she’s able to find some support somewhere and figure out how to get through this, at least until the kids are out of school. Then she can go find someone who cares about her and get on with her life.
 

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I too am not sure why you think I’m saying because you’re a woman you should behave differently. As a spouse you should be behaving differently instead of the way you’re being. But since you claim you realize it wasn’t handled well then that’s really the main thing many posters were attempting to get through to you on.

I do feel like you could have gotten a better response from your husband with a different mind set. That’s all. So while you’re saying but this.. and Him that, I’m saying BUT you were also dismissive of him as a man who’d been gone. Men operate differently and once you’re aware of that… girl, you can take him places and he will do the same albeit at times unknowingly simply because you laid your pride and exhaustion down for his needs before your own. It’s a give and take is all I’m saying.

I am a single mother, I was practically a single mother before my husband died okay. I get you’re tired, I.GET.IT. I was married for 15 years, believe me, I know what I’m talking about. I’m coming at your strong but it’s from experience and trying to help you save yourself and your husband unnecessary pain.
I am just curious regarding specifically what you think OP should have done when the husband came home. Just dropped everything that was going on and f**ked the guy? I am genuinely wondering what people are getting at. His approach....I don't see that as any more helpful than hers....
 

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The husbands sounds like a little child that stomps his feet when he doesn't get what he wants. Are you saying that his needs (d!ck) are more important than hers (talking about the children)? He sounds like a caveman to me. In a good marriage you balance both partners' needs. His behaviour is totally immature.
That was kinda my take as well. People are saying when they are gone they miss their family and want to be welcomed, but sounds like her husband missed sex more than he missed her specifically.
 

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I am just curious regarding specifically what you think OP should have done when the husband came home. Just dropped everything that was going on and f**ked the guy? I am genuinely wondering what people are getting at. His approach....I don't see that as any more helpful than hers....
I don’t think his approach was appropriate either. I do think, his response may have been different if her too had been different in the beginning. That’s a ll I’m saying. But then her responses on here were also defensive at times and just furthered my suspicion on her in general. Just my outsider view. Could be totally wrong, without being there we don’t truly know.
 

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I don’t think his approach was appropriate either. I do think, his response may have been different if her too had been different in the beginning. That’s a ll I’m saying. But then her responses on here were also defensive at times and just furthered my suspicion on her in general. Just my outsider view. Could be totally wrong, without being there we don’t truly know.
Ok. Just from this line--When he got home mid-day he was instantly all over me-- made me think of some sex-starved thug he really cares little about his wife. I may be wrong too. That is the sense I got though....'instantly all over me'....is not always appreciated. Maybe a more subtle approach on his part, and a more welcoming on hers.
 

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Ok. Just from this line--When he got home mid-day he was instantly all over me-- made me think of some sex-starved thug he really cares little about his wife. I may be wrong too. That is the sense I got though....'instantly all over me'....is not always appreciated. Maybe a more subtle approach on his part, and a more welcoming on hers.
I can get behind this totally. As a female, I anticipate my husband who’s been gone to be all over me to some extent and honestly, there is a balance to it. It’s a delicate kind of thing for some couples and she seems super sensitive.
 

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This is a huge problem. It immediately freezes everything if a W doesn't welcome home a road warrior. And the guy remembers every time that happens.
He doesn't even care enough about his family to ask what's been going on while he's been gone. What's to welcome home?
 

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He doesn't even care enough about his family to ask what's been going on while he's been gone. What's to welcome home?
She has a tough choice to make, and neither are great options. She can either keep her problems to herself or divorce, because he's made it clear he's not interested in hearing about the children or homeschooling or any of her stuff. If she pushes and tries to make him listen to her, it will just lead to more fights and eventually he'll take off. Then she'll have to get a job and stop homeschooling the kids, and with the state of public education today that's often not really even a choice. That's why I would encourage her to connect with local homeschool moms for advice on the kids, and to make friends so she has adults to talk to, I'm sure as much as she loves her children she's pretty lonely and isolated. Unless he's physically hurting her, which she doesn't make it sound like he is, it's something she'll just have to tolerate for the kids. The years pass very quickly, it won't be long before the kids are done with homeschooling and she can get a job and start putting money together. She'll also have a strong network of support, if she had someone who she could talk to who cares about her it would make her feel much better about everything. Loneliness can lead to depression, she should take steps to fix that by making friends.
 

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I had to travel for work and the first thing I wanted to do is snuggle my dog when I got home, but first I went and checked her water, let her out, and got her some food. Duh.
Yeah but you didn't have staff you paid with room and board to do those things. This guy does; that's why he has a wife, to take care of those things. He doesn't want to hear about them, he just wants them done.
 

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He doesn't even care enough about his family to ask what's been going on while he's been gone. What's to welcome home?
Did you miss the part where she said he came home mid day, was excited to see her then had to finish working from home for the day, then they as a family all had dinner together and they put the kids to bed together? It isn't like he came home and just tried to take her to the bedroom. They had been together for hours before he tried to get intimate with her and presumably there must have been some talking going on at dinner and while putting the kids to bed. I don't get why he is being accused of being selfish and only thinking of himself.
 

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Did you miss the part where she said he came home mid day, was excited to see her then had to finish working from home for the day, then they as a family all had dinner together and they put the kids to bed together? It isn't like he came home and just tried to take her to the bedroom. They had been together for hours before he tried to get intimate with her and presumably there must have been some talking going on at dinner and while putting the kids to bed. I don't get why he is being accused of being selfish and only thinking of himself.
"Presumably", isn't that the key word? She said: "aside from tasks we didn't talk". A patient husband - especially when your wife is stuck at home all day on her own homeschooling and looking after toddlers when her husband is away for days - is the key word.
 

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Did you miss the part where she said he came home mid day, was excited to see her then had to finish working from home for the day, then they as a family all had dinner together and they put the kids to bed together? It isn't like he came home and just tried to take her to the bedroom. They had been together for hours before he tried to get intimate with her and presumably there must have been some talking going on at dinner and while putting the kids to bed. I don't get why he is being accused of being selfish and only thinking of himself.
He came home mid-day and was instantly all over her.
 
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