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I struggle with a lot of insecurity issues. I know I do. Some days I am all fine and dandy, while other days, I really struggle. I do not know if a person can suffer post traumatic stress over a past relationship or not but I know sometimes the past haunts me.

My ex husband, whom I was married to for 14 years, was a serial cheater and an emotional abuser. He was a liar and a master manipulator.

In the two years since our separation/divorce, I have tried many self-help ways of coping with my insecurities. I cannot afford to go to a real person. I have read books, I have talked to like-minded people online.

I have a live in boyfriend now and I am happy with him. However, I will often find myself wanting to leave him. Not that I actually want him to leave but because I feel I need to run before he does. To spare my heart type of thing.

I have a tendency to over-think everything. I imagine the worse.

I have to constantly remind myself that my current BF is not my XH and I cannot punish him for the sins of my ex.

I do greatly fear my BF leaving. He tells me he's happy and he's not going anywhere but I know I heard that line before! My mind twists things like that.

I don't tell him about my insecurities or talk about them because who wants to live with someone who has those kind of issues? I put on a front. I'm all smiles in front of him and when I am with him. When he is not around, I often cry in the dark.

How have you or anyone you've known dealt with their insecurity issues?
 

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Sounds tough. My insecurities are different to yours but I think we all have them.

My approach is to busy myself with other things, take my mind off my insecurities.

I do not think these problems ever go away for ever but over time they may reduce , be easier to see in perspective.

Avoid getting 'stuck' in a situation where they become obsessive. I have had minor problems with obsessions in the past. They are surmountable. But they can come back. Nowadays I try just to think to myself 'there is that unwelcome thought again!'.

best wishes
 

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In the past I have not handled insecurities very well. Anyway, I guess it's more of rejection for me than insecurities. You are being much more positive than me, even if you think you are not doing well. At least you are not looking to anyone else to handle your insecurities, you are doing it yourself. I think you will work through this somehow, even if you have to "cry it out" alone. Eventually you will tire of crying.

I hope you don't end up telling your boyfriend about these insecurities. That is not a good look. Men don't want to handle baggage left from other men. It seems your relationship may be promising. If you are thinking long-term, make sure you have faced this problem and overcome it.

I hope everything works out GREAT for you!
 

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See, I think that you SHOULD talk to him about your feelings. Maybe he wonders what is going on with you sometimes, he may think HE is doing something. The two of you can work together to take steps to keep your insecurity to a minimum, and hopefully eventually resolve it. After all, you ARE partners. :)
 

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I've had so many failed relationships that I still continue to have a lot of insecurities and anger, but I've learned not to let them affect my relationship. Whenever I used to talk about them, it had bad effects. Going the opposite route and not talking at all wasn't much better.

I've found that it's ok to be matter-of-fact about it, and only to the degree necessary. For instance, last week and this week, I have felt disconnected and distant from everything, sort of in a fog. I believe it's because of the stress of the lawsuit I'm dealing with - I don't have money to settle, and don't have money to fight it even though I'd probably net about half a million bucks if I could.
(It's not a personal injury case so attorneys won't touch it on contingency!)

Anyway, my husband noticed and asked me what was wrong. I said, "Nothing. What makes you ask that?" He replied that I seemed distant.

The next day, the same convo repeated. I went a little further and told him I think my mind's pre-occupied with the lawsuit. Since then, he's been in a bit of a funk himself. He saw an article in the paper about seasonal affective disorder and said, "Maybe that's why I've had no energy lately." Then he fell asleep during the movie we were watching.

My mind went for the worst. "He's depressed. He's not happy. He wouldn't feel this way if I was feeling more energetic. I need to be more energetic. Is he getting bored of our relationship?" You name it, I thought it. When he finally woke up and was ready for bed, my panic had turned sullen and pouty a bit. He came to kiss me goodnight and asked if I was coming. I said I hadn't decided, I was feeling a little out of sorts and needed to think about a few things.

He knew immediately what I meant. When I did go to bed, he woke up, pulled me close to him and said that he felt loved by all I do for him. Today will be better, and it didn't take a long discussion to get there.
 
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