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Discussion Starter #42
The cultural aspect may be lost on many of us.

If someone kept taking shots at my wife, I would fire back.
I am not disagreeing with anyone here, but looks like my point is being missed!
I mean, just out of the blue, while we are in a different conversation, someone says “you don’t look dark today!” And my Husband did feel bad about it, only thing is, from what he told me, he would have replied back next time our Friend made such a comment again.And my concern was, why wait for a third time, just tell him “thank you, but I don’t know what you mean by saying that!” That’s All I was saying.
 

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Discussion Starter #43
I don't think there was any problem with you defending your H with his friend.
I DO however think you should not blast your H because of it! He is entitled to react any way he wants. He may be non-confrontational, etc., and just deals with things differently.
So, Kudos to you for defending him, Bad for you attacking HIM about it.

I think you should talk with your H, explain why YOU got so mad (you were actually mad FOR him), and apologize for trying to tell HIM how to feel/react. You CAN say that if he is, in your view, attacked, then you WILL defend him.
I DID not attack him🤣I only told him that he should have said something about it, because he did Feel BAD about the comment that was made!
 

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Discussion Starter #46
I don't think there was any problem with you defending your H with his friend.
I DO however think you should not blast your H because of it! He is entitled to react any way he wants. He may be non-confrontational, etc., and just deals with things differently.
So, Kudos to you for defending him, Bad for you attacking HIM about it.

I think you should talk with your H, explain why YOU got so mad (you were actually mad FOR him), and apologize for trying to tell HIM how to feel/react. You CAN say that if he is, in your view, attacked, then you WILL defend him.
Yes, I agree with you, He is entitled to react the way he wants, but here, it was an entirely different situation.
M
 

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🙏🙏🙏
A couple of things. Why is this in the "sex in marrage" section? It doesn't seem to have anything to do with sex at least from the first page.

Secondly, and I say this from experience not as a mod or similar, but don't eliminate or edit your OP save for grammatical/mechanical correction or additional info. The reason behind this is that your situation may be similar to another, and in removing the OP they will not see it to know to look through the thread to see if the advice would apply to them.

Ultimately, you did overreact. Defending your spouse is a good thing, but only when it is needed. He wasn't feeling put upon or insulted. And if you think about it, you would probably be upset if he stepped in if it was you and your girlfriends messing with each other and he jumped down their throats when you knew they were not doing anything wrong.

Edited to add: I see in subsequent post that he was feeling insulted, which was not clear in your OP. Even so, allowing for cultural difference, many men would rather handle things in their own way. Otherwise he would not have been upset with you at first.
 

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Yes, he is also Indian, our American Friends don’t pass such obnoxious comments! He is from India and from the North, just like us.
If i were in hubby shoes i would say "Well you are ugly, at least i can get some sun and get my tan on" more sun the darker he will be, depends on what is going on, outside alot? Inside more during covid...he will be lighter complected.
 

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Discussion Starter #52
A couple of things. Why is this in the "sex in marrage" section? It doesn't seem to have anything to do with sex at least from the first page.

Secondly, and I say this from experience not as a mod or similar, but don't eliminate or edit your OP save for grammatical/mechanical correction or additional info. The reason behind this is that your situation may be similar to another, and in removing the OP they will not see it to know to look through the thread to see if the advice would apply to them.

Ultimately, you did overreact. Defending your spouse is a good thing, but only when it is needed. He wasn't feeling put upon or insulted. And if you think about it, you would probably be upset if he stepped in if it was you and your girlfriends messing with each other and he jumped down their throats when you knew they were not doing anything wrong.

Edited to add: I see in subsequent post that he was feeling insulted, which was not clear in your OP. Even so, allowing for cultural difference, many men would rather handle things in their own way. Otherwise he would not have been upset with you at first.
Sorry, I am new to this site, and noticed where I posted my question, only after I did.

He wasn’t upset with me for standing up for him, I did mention that in my replies.
Messing up, joking around with girlfriends, is something very different than INSULTING each other! And to answer your question, I haven’t been through anything where I have been insulted, so I don’t know how he will react!
 

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Discussion Starter #53
If i were in hubby shoes i would say "Well you are ugly, at least i can get some sun and get my tan on" more sun the darker he will be, depends on what is going on, outside alot? Inside more during covid...he will be lighter complected.
I am sorry I didn’t understand your message:(
 

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Discussion Starter #55
Sorry, I am new to this site, and noticed where I posted my question, only after I did.

He wasn’t upset with me for standing up for him, I did mention that in my replies.
Messing up, joking around with girlfriends, is something very different than INSULTING each other! And to answer your question, I haven’t been through anything where I have been insulted, so I don’t know how he will react!
 

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I am at wit’s end.We had 2 couple Friends over last Friday,we were sitting at the dining table.One of the Husbands, out of the blue tells my husband, “Hey you aren’t looking dark today!”, meaning complexion wise, that same guy once, at his house, told my husband “Hey you look dark today!”
So, I just couldn’t take it and stepped up for my husband and said “No matter how dark he is, he is & will always be my hero!”And also told him, not to say that again,it hurts me!
After they left, I told my husband that he should have shut that friend up by saying “what do you mean?”
To which,my husband replied “I have a different approach to things, am not like you,I don’t react so easily!”
I told him, Yes, as humans, we are all different, but standing up for the right thing, is something EVERY single human being should do!
He got mad and said “Who are you to tell me how and when I should react,you should respect my feelings!
I am so so hurt, almost 20 years of marriage and am asked “who are you?”
What are your thoughts?Did I do or say anything wrong?
Sorry, this is long! I spoke for him and this is what I get to hear from him in return!
I would be pissed if I were your husband also. I can handle things myself. My friends and I take shots at each other all the time. It was likely a joke and it seems your husband took no offense. Also your response was odd. "No matter how dark he is, he is & always will be my hero" frankly makes it sound like you are saying being dark is a negative.
 

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Discussion Starter #58
I would be pissed if I were your husband also. I can handle things myself. My friends and I take shots at each other all the time. It was likely a joke and it seems your husband took no offense. Also your response was odd. "No matter how dark he is, he is & always will be my hero" frankly makes it sound like you are saying being dark is a negative.
It WAS NOT A JOKE!!!!
And my Husband agrees to that!He didn’t like it either!And I have already explained that in my previous posts!
Thank you 🙏
 

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Perhaps some introspection on why you are getting so very upset about this might be of assistance.

It seems that this issue has really struck a nerve with you, and whilst you're Husband may have not liked what was said, your reaction speaks to something deeper than what you've alluded to.
 

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Having read this entire thread, I am still trying to figure out why that comment was demeaning if color or social standing isn't an issue.

As to the "Who are you..." statement made by the husband, he seems to be saying that you don't get to decide for him how he should handle a 'demeaning' comment made to him. He would prefer to handle it in his own way. You're his wife - not his mama. With that said, it is very hard to not want to protect a loved one.

Your friend could use a lesson on manners. What guys rib each other about in private probably shouldn't be done in public.
 
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