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I have been told in some situations a hubby has to pay alimony to a wife who hasn't worked, or worked much during the marriage for a periodof time....I have also been told I am intitled to half of his 401k and any other investments that were created during our marriage..But Idk
This sounds correct... but talk to a lawyer.
 

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Discussion Starter · #24 ·
The hardest part is, my sin being caught up in the middle of this storm...My son loves me and his dad very much! He is deeply attached to both of us...my husband is an amazing father, I'll defend give him that! All I wanted was was to give my son something special, a gift...The gift of two parents staying married...I didn't want him to endure being in the midst of a broken family like myself...I can't imagine what this would do to him..This whole situation is so painful, confusing and unfair...I wished I could just shut down my obsessive thoughts for just a day...
 

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Actions speak louder than words. He will say whatever he has to say to keep his wife appliance and his girlfriend, because that is how he wants to live. It's up to you if that's something you can live with, but he won't stop, I'm sorry. There are no consequences when he cheats, so he will keep doing it.
Do you know her husband? Cause you sound like you know it all....
 

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20 years IS a long time. You say you know he loves you, but this is NOT love. Sorry. You say you were supposed to live and die by one another. That is a dream that you will have to mourn. YES. Losing him would be grieving the loss of a family member, but this family member is making your life hell inside your own head. You say you have "literally tried". It does not matter a rat's behind how much you try if you are trying alone - and you are. Not one partner can save a marriage, but they can put themselves in the grave or ruin the lives of their children trying.

Honestly, you sound like you are looking for validation that you should stay. I stayed after infidelity. ONE instance of infidelity, not repeated over years. Everything you are saying about the pain, the anxiety, the ups and downs....I get it, been there. No amount of hoping it will cease will make it cease. You have to start putting one foot in front of the other. I think you have been dealing with this for so long you don't even know how bad it is. It will get better once you put some boundaries down between you and this serial cheater. He says he loves you. He does not know what that means, apparently. What he does is not love. Love is a choice you make when you have an opportunity to do something that will give you short term pleasure but will devastate your spouse. Love is honoring your spouse, not torturing them and lying to them and making them think they are losing their mind so you can get your jollies.

As someone said to me when my husband was doing very similar things: "Save your marriage? You don't have a marriage."
This line here: Love is a choice you make when you have an opportunity to do something that will give you short term pleasure but will devastate your spouse.

These cheaters are selfish.
 

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I know he loves me too
This isn't love, Miss. It really isn't. Heck, how has he been acting since he confessed or since you found out the whole extent of his double life? Has he been trying to make amends or is he just love bombing you in the hopes you just fall back into it again with him?

He literally went to the trouble and combined effort with his first AP to hide this from you. That's just next level deceit. From an outsider's perspective, this guy is definitely not safe.

My heart breaks for you. I hope you can rebuild some semblance of a life in spite of him.
 

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The gift of two parents staying married...I didn't want him to endure being in the midst of a broken family like myself
As they say, better to come from a broken home than actually live in one. You give your son two parents, but an unhealthy model of a relationship. Do you really want him growing up thinking that he can treat his partners like your H treated you? Or to let himself be treated like you have? He can still have two parents, but he should also learn what's right and wrong about this kind of situation. He shouldn't grow up with this toxicity and think it's normal. Kids can model what they see.
 

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If you think this guy loves you, all I can say is you have something really amazing to learn about when you meet a man that truly DOES love you. Yes, you’re gonna hurt for a while. I think financially you’ll be fine. He will be screwed. This guy’s love is for himself.
6 yr affair? How many times did he come home from sex with her and treat you like trash? You haven’t had love from a man yet. Dump him
 

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The hardest part is, my sin being caught up in the middle of this storm...My son loves me and his dad very much! He is deeply attached to both of us...my husband is an amazing father, I'll defend give him that! All I wanted was was to give my son something special, a gift...The gift of two parents staying married...I didn't want him to endure being in the midst of a broken family like myself...I can't imagine what this would do to him..This whole situation is so painful, confusing and unfair...I wished I could just shut down my obsessive thoughts for just a day...
All your replies have a similar tone. The truth, as I read it, is that you are not happy with your situation, but you are not willing to trade what you think is a happy home and financial security for a different life. Plenty of woman do this math and don't leave philandering husbands. If you can come to some peace with it all, if you can look the other way and still feel valued in your life, then by all means, stay.

Your husband will continue to be a good father if you leave the marriage. I was in your situation - I had a lot of children and stayed at home (a decision we made together), so when the marriage disintegrated I had a lot of financial fears. I was told, as other have said, that I would get more than half of the assets and alimony since I had supported my husband's career and raised the children. My husband behaved very differently than yours. He was not a serial cheater, and had a genuine transformation before we reconciled. (I had thrown him out).

You are getting the reactions you are because your husband does not seem to be changing and you do not seem happy. You seem to be looking for a real, mutual respectful marriage. You do not have that and if you stay, there is nothing you have said to make anyone think you husband will change. Why would he? He has what he wants. His wife, cook, maid, stability while still free to seek the attention of other woman. Sure, he has to deal with you whining every so often, but he knows the tricks to shut you up.

One more think I think you should consider: You are showing your son how a woman should be treated. You are showing him that a woman must be dependent, must do what a man wants, and as he ages he will understand that his father is a cheat. Is that what a good home with married parents should teach a boy?
 

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One more think I think you should consider: You are showing your son how a woman should be treated. You are showing him that a woman must be dependent, must do what a man wants, and as he ages he will understand that his father is a cheat. Is that what a good home with married parents should teach a boy?
Kids are more in tune than people realize. He will know your husband neither loves nor respects you. He will see women as faceless, mindless, interchangeable slaves. The world isn't as it was for most of history; women have a choice, they don't have to stay in bad situations any more. The women your son will have to choose from if this is the kind of man he becomes will be limited, because the message to women now is different. Women make deliberate choices and having a bad marriage and an unloving husband who cheats is no longer an inevitable outcome women simply have to endure to survive. You are a good, kind, strong, smart woman who is staying in a bad situation for the sake of your child, but there are not many women like that and will be fewer still as time goes on. Teaching your son to treat women like it's 1950 is going to severely limit his options and that's very unfair. He won't know how to be a good man or a good husband because he has no model for that. So staying for "his sake" isn't the help you think it is.
 

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The hardest part is, my sin being caught up in the middle of this storm...My son loves me and his dad very much! He is deeply attached to both of us...my husband is an amazing father, I'll defend give him that! All I wanted was was to give my son something special, a gift...The gift of two parents staying married...I didn't want him to endure being in the midst of a broken family like myself...I can't imagine what this would do to him..This whole situation is so painful, confusing and unfair...I wished I could just shut down my obsessive thoughts for just a day...
@dianag78.dg , I know this is really heart breaking but you need to be strong for your son. Your WH is NOT a good father, good fathers do not blow up their families running around with other women.
You need to get rid of this POS, he is a serial cheater and sounds narcissistic.
1. Start doing the 180 for yourself to start emotionally withdrawing from him. Do not listen to anything he says. Cheaters lie all the time. He will tell you what you want to hear. Remember if he really cared about you he would not have done what he has done twice that you know of, could me many more.
2. Go see a lawyer as to what your options are and get your ducks in a row and plan your future
3. Try and get yourself some sort of job or go back to school so that you are not dependent fully on him.
4. Start taking care of yourself, exercise, gym, join clubs where you meet others
5. Tell all your family, his family and friends and blow up his world. You do not have to keep this secret for him. This stuff needs to be exposed as it only thrives in the dark.
6. Tell the OW's spouse of bf if any
7. Rely on one of two close friends for support.
8. Start working on getting him out of the house. See what your lawyer says
9. If your kid is old enough tell him what is happening. Kids will sense these things. Do not hide. it is better that your son is with a mother who is alone and confident and healed than a mother who is constantly looking over her shoulder waiting for the next catastrophe to arise due to her WH philandering ways, do not do that to him or to yourself.
 

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@dianag78.dg , I know this is really heart breaking but you need to be strong for your son. Your WH is NOT a good father, good fathers do not blow up their families running around with other women.
You need to get rid of this POS, he is a serial cheater and sounds narcissistic.
1. Start doing the 180 for yourself to start emotionally withdrawing from him. Do not listen to anything he says. Cheaters lie all the time. He will tell you what you want to hear. Remember if he really cared about you he would not have done what he has done twice that you know of, could me many more.
2. Go see a lawyer as to what your options are and get your ducks in a row and plan your future
3. Try and get yourself some sort of job or go back to school so that you are not dependent fully on him.
4. Start taking care of yourself, exercise, gym, join clubs where you meet others
5. Tell all your family, his family and friends and blow up his world. You do not have to keep this secret for him. This stuff needs to be exposed as it only thrives in the dark.
6. Tell the OW's spouse of bf if any
7. Rely on one of two close friends for support.
8. Start working on getting him out of the house. See what your lawyer says
9. If your kid is old enough tell him what is happening. Kids will sense these things. Do not hide. it is better that your son is with a mother who is alone and confident and healed than a mother who is constantly looking over her shoulder waiting for the next catastrophe to arise due to her WH philandering ways, do not do that to him or to yourself.
For all y'all experts on here just a lil FYI. We are working it out and have been doing great. Y'all act like someone can't change. FYI she has a great paying job making $19 a hr plus she has exercised her whole life and still does to this day. Y'all on here trying to act like y'all know the whole story and acting like y'all therapist. Me which is the (HUSBAND) y'all bashing without know both side and the whole story. I came to my wife and told her about the affair because I knew I was doing wrong and had to try to make things right and make a change in my life to save my family so I came clean to her. How many cheaters come clean to their spouse? Their are things that happened on the other end of this that caused me to loose focus of my marriage early on in it BUT I will not drag the other thru the mud in this post but just know she has had her ups and downs too but still I shouldn't have gotten lost and stayed on the course of our vows. To call me a POS of a father is way out of line considering the things I do with my SON on the daily and I'm always trying to include the wife in our activities even before all this and she wouldn't go cause she just doesn't care to do the things we do BUT I still ask. She has her freedom I let her go out to bars with friends and alone to a bar that she knows the owner so she can her ME time. Oh and to tell all our friends and family? Ha the jokes on you cause they all know even MY SON. We are a small family that is sticking this out and fighting for our lil family of 3. You know some people do make changes but from these comments I see y'all are the people that will turn your back on someone that has a drug addiction, in prison or a alcoholic instead of giving them chances to turn their life around. It's a damn good thing she doesn't listen to this ******** y'all couch therapist post on these ppls post. She is a fighter and has been her whole life. The one thing she has been taught in life is she makes her own decisions not what someone else tells her to do and yes I'm a very lucky man to still have my wife standing beside me thru this marriage of ours and helping me confirm that we have made it thru this together.
 

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For all y'all experts on here just a lil FYI. We are working it out and have been doing great. Y'all act like someone can't change. FYI she has a great paying job making $19 a hr plus she has exercised her whole life and still does to this day. Y'all on here trying to act like y'all know the whole story and acting like y'all therapist. Me which is the (HUSBAND) y'all bashing without know both side and the whole story. I came to my wife and told her about the affair because I knew I was doing wrong and had to try to make things right and make a change in my life to save my family so I came clean to her. How many cheaters come clean to their spouse? Their are things that happened on the other end of this that caused me to loose focus of my marriage early on in it BUT I will not drag the other thru the mud in this post but just know she has had her ups and downs too but still I shouldn't have gotten lost and stayed on the course of our vows. To call me a POS of a father is way out of line considering the things I do with my SON on the daily and I'm always trying to include the wife in our activities even before all this and she wouldn't go cause she just doesn't care to do the things we do BUT I still ask. She has her freedom I let her go out to bars with friends and alone to a bar that she knows the owner so she can her ME time. Oh and to tell all our friends and family? Ha the jokes on you cause they all know even MY SON. We are a small family that is sticking this out and fighting for our lil family of 3. You know some people do make changes but from these comments I see y'all are the people that will turn your back on someone that has a drug addiction, in prison or a alcoholic instead of giving them chances to turn their life around. It's a damn good thing she doesn't listen to this **** y'all couch therapist post on these ppls post. She is a fighter and has been her whole life. The one thing she has been taught in life is she makes her own decisions not what someone else tells her to do and yes I'm a very lucky man to still have my wife standing beside me thru this marriage of ours and helping me confirm that we have made it thru this together.
Yeah right, she makes her own decisions, pfft and that’s why you are on here hijacking her post and speaking for her like the abusive POS you most likely are. You haven’t made it through anything until you get of your high horse and look at who you are yourself for what you really are And the damage yiu have caused to your wife and family, not once but more than once. once might be a mistake, but not more than once and over a period of time so stop with your ********! Instead of trying to convince strangers on the internet about how wonderful you are what exactly have you done to rectify your absolutely ****ty behaviour and do the right thing by your wife? You are a **** father cause you are an awful example of how a good man should be And yiu are running around on your sons mother. Care to tell him when he’s older about how great a man u have been? You are so busy defending yourself, I can see right through your ********, and why should your wife be the one to carry you and your fragile ego and be strong when you have emotionally torn her to sheds? You can ******** all you want but you are a weak man. As for turning backs on addicts alcoholics, only if the refuse to get help and bring the whole family down with them. Then they deserve to be alone.
 

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For all y'all experts on here just a lil FYI. We are working it out and have been doing great. Y'all act like someone can't change. FYI she has a great paying job making $19 a hr plus she has exercised her whole life and still does to this day. Y'all on here trying to act like y'all know the whole story and acting like y'all therapist. Me which is the (HUSBAND) y'all bashing without know both side and the whole story. I came to my wife and told her about the affair because I knew I was doing wrong and had to try to make things right and make a change in my life to save my family so I came clean to her. How many cheaters come clean to their spouse? Their are things that happened on the other end of this that caused me to loose focus of my marriage early on in it BUT I will not drag the other thru the mud in this post but just know she has had her ups and downs too but still I shouldn't have gotten lost and stayed on the course of our vows. To call me a POS of a father is way out of line considering the things I do with my SON on the daily and I'm always trying to include the wife in our activities even before all this and she wouldn't go cause she just doesn't care to do the things we do BUT I still ask. She has her freedom I let her go out to bars with friends and alone to a bar that she knows the owner so she can her ME time. Oh and to tell all our friends and family? Ha the jokes on you cause they all know even MY SON. We are a small family that is sticking this out and fighting for our lil family of 3. You know some people do make changes but from these comments I see y'all are the people that will turn your back on someone that has a drug addiction, in prison or a alcoholic instead of giving them chances to turn their life around. It's a damn good thing she doesn't listen to this **** y'all couch therapist post on these ppls post. She is a fighter and has been her whole life. The one thing she has been taught in life is she makes her own decisions not what someone else tells her to do and yes I'm a very lucky man to still have my wife standing beside me thru this marriage of ours and helping me confirm that we have made it thru this together.
At this point I would show some humility and just be grateful that your wife is actually willing to give you another chance to work on your marriage. I hope you will reflect on your actions and realize the pain that it’s caused and that the trust can never come back fully. Infidelity is a terrible thing to do to somebody especially someone who loves you and who you are supposed to love as well. I don’t know if you can understand that type of pain unless you’ve been in their shoes.

Wishing you the best of luck to repair the situation.
 

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Yeah right, she makes her own decisions, pfft and that’s why you are on here hijacking her post and speaking for her like the abusive POS you most likely are. You haven’t made it through anything until you get of your high horse and look at who you are yourself for what you really are And the damage yiu have caused to your wife and family, not once but more than once. once might be a mistake, but not more than once and over a period of time so stop with your ****! Instead of trying to convince strangers on the internet about how wonderful you are what exactly have you done to rectify your absolutely *ty behaviour and do the right thing by your wife? You are a * father cause you are an awful example of how a good man should be And yiu are running around on your sons mother. Care to tell him when he’s older about how great a man u have been? You are so busy defending yourself, I can see right through your ****, and why should your wife be the one to carry you and your fragile ego and be strong when you have emotionally torn her to sheds? You can **** all you want but you are a weak man. As for turning backs on addicts alcoholics, only if the refuse to get help and bring the whole family down with them. Then they deserve to be alone.
Lmao you sound like you are mad
 

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Sometimes we write a really long, helpful post. Hit send and realise we posted it in the wrong thread by mistake. Oops! :)
Then copy/paste it here and re-edit it (or delete it) over on that thread.

There are so many rascal cheaters, and betrayed's, nowadays!

It is hard to keep up.
With the stories, and the proper advice.

That is why I have secretaries, some of them Leprechauns.



Are Dee-
 
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