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Quite honestly I want to be the SAHH. However, I don't think that having a stay at home anything is usually a consideration in and of itself, unless the person is trying to be one. Then that, to me, seems more the cake and eat situation.

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Obviously, you don't value what a stay at home parent/partner provides in a relationship. Given your lifestyle, it isn't surprising.
 

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Obviously, you don't value what a stay at home parent/partner provides in a relationship. Given your lifestyle, it isn't surprising.
Quite the opposite. I highly value my one wife for what she can do at home. Having medical issues, however limits her, which is one reason, but not the only, I would rather be a SAHH. But when it comes to my partners, I am not looking at whether they are going to be a SAH or not. My view is that if you are looking to be or not be SAH for specific reasons, and not willing to be the other, that is the cake and eat it situation. IOW, SAH is not the issue, but the reasons behind it.

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I'm going to reply by asking what happens when a spouse loses their sexual desirability? What happens if they lose sexual interest? What happens if they develop mental health issues? What happens if they get fat? What happens if they stop practicing the religion that both shared? What happens....( Insert attribute)? Will you still love them or simply divorce them as they are no longer 'compatible'. If they answer is no or you are not sure, why get married at all?

All we can do is hedge our bets with those people with whom we are compatible in the areas that are important to us. **** happens but why enter into a relationship with someone who is obviously not on the same page financially?
What if a spouse becomes abusive? Why get married at all, given the many things that can go wrong. Everyone needs an out for intolerable circumstances. But, sure, no one NEEDS to get married, so why bother?

If you know before marrying that there is a real or potential problem, then don't. After the fact, people and circumstances change, so the relationship may have to change as well - even if that means ending it.
 

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What if a spouse becomes abusive? Why get married at all, given the many things that can go wrong. Everyone needs an out for intolerable circumstances. But, sure, no one NEEDS to get married, so why bother?

If you know before marrying that there is a real or potential problem, then don't. After the fact, people and circumstances change, so the relationship may have to change as well - even if that means ending it.
I'm not disagreeing with you at all. Notice I said "relationship" and not marriage. **** can still happen in non-marriage relationships which brings me back to the original post that brought this entire thread jack about which I shamefully participate. If people want to reduce the financial fall-out after a break-up from a marriage, long term dating, casual dating, or even a one night stand, it is best to get permanently sterilized. Children and the associated child support and lifetime of responsibility is a huge financial burden, moreso than splitting assets.
 

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The meaningfulness or meaninglessness is a subjective value that has no objective measurements. It is true that anything other than a legal marriage holds no weight for legal purposes now, but such was not always the case. While there were laws dealing with those who were married, there were no laws defining marriage. In fact, the couple getting married often did so by the expediant of the woman moving in with the man.

Marriage basically comes in three forms; legal, religious and social. All three forms are independent of each other, but can exist simultaneously. Furthermore, the recognition of one type in one area does not guarantee recognition of that same type in other areas, nor of recognition between types.

The lack of legal recognition does not make a marriage any less of such, especially since marriage was established long before there were ever laws about such. Somehow I doubt that if the US were to suddenly stop recognizing marriage on a legal basis, you would think all those couples were suddenly "playing house".

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We live in the present, not some distant past before laws governing marriage were a thing. And considering laws governing marriage existed before the founding of Ancient Rome, that's a very distant past, indeed.

In modern times, religious marriage isn't actually recognized as marriage. As far as law and greater society are concerned, a religious only marriage isn't a thing. At least, not in the US. For all intents and purposes, the people involved are single with no legal or even any real social obligation to each other, free to walk away with no repercussions other than, perhaps, child related. Just like all the other non-married people.
 

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Out here in Cal there's Sun City. It's for senior citizens, and they call it Sin City for a reason. And there are a couple of places in the Palm Springs area they call "meat markets." I have seen them (but didn't participate)
and the average age has to be North of 65. Also, I have been told that there are party sites for oldsters who want to fool around minus the spouse, or simply beside the latter.
 

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I'm not surprised. Gray Divorces (55+) are on the rise. Their rates have doubled since 1976. To put it in perspective, the rates for younger couples have halved. I'm sure infidelity plays a role in many of those divorces.
Which gives rise to the argument that, even in themselves, "gray" relationships and marriages are getting even farther from being trustworthy and secure institutions!
 

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The meaningfulness or meaninglessness is a subjective value that has no objective measurements. It is true that anything other than a legal marriage holds no weight for legal purposes now, but such was not always the case. While there were laws dealing with those who were married, there were no laws defining marriage. In fact, the couple getting married often did so by the expediant of the woman moving in with the man.

Marriage basically comes in three forms; legal, religious and social. All three forms are independent of each other, but can exist simultaneously. Furthermore, the recognition of one type in one area does not guarantee recognition of that same type in other areas, nor of recognition between types.

The lack of legal recognition does not make a marriage any less of such, especially since marriage was established long before there were ever laws about such. Somehow I doubt that if the US were to suddenly stop recognizing marriage on a legal basis, you would think all those couples were suddenly "playing house".

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It is interesting that you and I are on far different sides of the spectrum where it concerns monogamous marriage but we see eye to eye on this.
 

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It is interesting that you and I are on far different sides of the spectrum where it concerns monogamous marriage but we see eye to eye on this.
I'm glad we have a point of commonality, but could you expand a little on the being on far different sides of the spectrum with regards to monogamy? I have a feeling we might not be as far apart as you might think.

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Infidelity is problematic for many reasons. It can destroy a marriage or create new ones. And the damage it can do to a child is profound. According to law, infidelity is defined as any sexual intimacy other than marriage between an active spouse and another partner within the same wedding. Affairs aren't always necessarily physically abusive, but emotional, financial, and legal relationships can be. The reasons why people cheat are diverse and complex. If you feel unsafe, you can contact the guys from private-service.best. They will determine if your love cheats on you.
 

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I mean your word IN GENERAL, although that does include wedding vows. IF you never told your wife/husband that you wouldn't cheat, then I guess if you want to parse the hell out of it, you didn't break your word.

Seems like we are heading (VERY QUICKLY) to where people are just out for themselves these days and don't really care at all about anyone else.
Absolutely. Faithfulness and commitment to your husband or wife are rarer sadly.
People out for what they want regardless of how many get hurt.
 

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I'm not surprised. Gray Divorces (55+) are on the rise. Their rates have doubled since 1976. To put it in perspective, the rates for younger couples have halved. I'm sure infidelity plays a role in many of those divorces.
hmmmm. one factor has to be the frequency of sex and how eager both partners are to sex.

One HD and one LD...after decades of marriage....it can get pretty exhausting for the HD spouse. one day they just might say "f*** it, i ain't getting any younger....i am going out to get laid! and they do. then the divorce happens in a fair percentage of these cases, since monogamy is all we knew from back in the 1960's on.

i know one mature couple, where the guy simply could not get his wife to put out or do any sex. well he found a kinky divorce' at a church group, and almost overnight they were shacking up as his divorce went thru. well, he quickly learned that kinky sex is NOT enough for a mature couple's relationship, and soon he and the affair partner were living apart, then he came back to his original wife, and begged to be let back.

there simply has to be a sexual outlet for an HD partner. even in a 55+ spouse, those raging sex hormones have to be sated!
 

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Discussion Starter · #78 ·
Since, I started this post over a year ago, I thought I might add a little bit to the original article that quoted from and linked to.

Well, we have seen the Covid-19 quarantining of people, huddling in their living space without much freedom from each other. There has been a lot of discussion on people having to face who their spouse really is or has really grown into, since most have not been able to get some escape time by going to work or going shopping, like pre-Covid.

Covid has also put incredible financial strain on marriages with job loss and work hour reductions for some. For others it has destroyed plans for retirement and travel. In short there are a lot of stressed unhappy people.

We have also seen people with seemingly endless resources and long term marriages divorce: Bill and Melinda Gates or Jeff Bezos and his wife, MacKenzie Bezos. You would have thought that spending a few hundred thousand dollars on marriage counselors would have been a lot less traumatic than those high profile divorces and their attorney costs.

I would also point out that there as 60 becomes the new 40, people expect an active sex life. There are lots of jokes about grandma and grandpa still having sex? Perhaps more telling is the rising STD infection rate in nursing and assisted living homes.

There are probably as many reasons as they are couples, but it does appear to be a trend. A trend that my wife and I were lucky to dodge, even if we can close.
 

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Since, I started this post over a year ago, I thought I might add a little bit to the original article that quoted


We have also seen people with seemingly endless resources and long term marriages divorce: Bill and Melinda Gates or Jeff Bezos and his wife, MacKenzie Bezos. You would have thought that spending a few hundred thousand dollars on marriage counselors would have been a lot less traumatic than those high profile divorces and their attorney costs.
Since the OP has come back to thread and added to it, I will consider this thread open and fair game.

As I am closer to 60 than I am to 50 I can relate to the topic in a number of ways.

I think a big part of the gray divorce saga is after a certain age and reaching a certain station in life, you simply don’t give a crap what other people think and you realize that if other people are urging you to do something, it’s usually for their own agenda.

As far as the billionaires divorcing, two trains of thought on this - it’s usually the wives that initiate the divorce. In the case of the Gates and the Bezos, those women didn’t have anything to lose and they had billions to gain so in that sense I’m surprised it took them as long as it did to do it.

Now they are some of the richest women in the world and they can do whatever they want with the money.

In other cases you can look at it as MC being cheaper than divorce, but MC is not a panacea of marital content and it certainly is not a character transplant on a spouse with bad character.

In younger days with young children and and a mortgage, one may have sucked it up and tolerated a cheating spouse or an alcoholic or a dead bedroom.

But at 55 when the kids are grown and there is enough money in the pot to divvy out and at least be able to have a roof and food in the belly once the lawyers are paid? Some will consider it money well spent.
 

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I'm not surprised. Gray Divorces (55+) are on the rise. Their rates have doubled since 1976. To put it in perspective, the rates for younger couples have halved. I'm sure infidelity plays a role in many of those divorces.
More likely due to younger men no longer getting married much.
If no young men got married, there would be no young couples getting divorced.
 
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