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Ok, I went back and saw this is a sex thread. Well, I mean when we met it was about 3 weeks of intense 16 year old young love before we lost our virginity to one another. Our sex life over the years has evolved and progressed at a slow pace. But it continues to move forward. We are only 36 (almost) years old and neither of us are going anywhere. The nice thing about taking it slow is it doesn't get stale. 5,10,15x20+ years down the road, you will be doing different things if you just stay the course and keep meeting emotional needs. Find things that makes her desire you. Desire is key imo. It's not about just looking good, although that is a must also (hit the gym), but it's also about putting yourself in favorable positions. My wife gets turned on watching me work on cars, fixing things, playing with the kids, or any type of shirt off labor which is common in Texas heat. Shirt off labor puts her in heat.

Cant wait to see what is in store for us the next decade or so....
 

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So that was my wife when I met her in 1991.

Really hasn't changed at all. Not necessarily a bad thing - it's just very predictable.

Wanna have an adult beverage or --- hey weed is legal now... wanna try something new? Not happening.

Different strokes for different folks.

Sounds like I'm judging but is it odd never to have experienced these things or even be remotely curious about them let alone actively avoiding them?

June Cleaver vs. Nikki Minnaj.
I think its awesome that there are still people around like your wife. You have a good woman there and yet bizarrely you seem to want a woman who drinks takes drugs and watches porn. Many good men would love to have a wife like yours. Appreciate what you have and be grateful.
 

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My husband has never taken illegal drugs, smoked, rarely drinks, doesn't watch porn, has never had sex outside marriage and hates conflict as well. Rather than think that is 'boring', (its not), I LOVE being married to such an amazing awesome man of integrity and such strong moral values, and feel very blessed that he wanted to marry me. I think its great to have a partner who is so very different from the norm, who doesn't just go along with the flow, who is their own person.

Discontentment is deadly for a marriage. I feel pretty angry on her behalf that you see goodness as so very boring. Its really not. You are a very blessed man and I feel for her SO much that she must sense how disappointed with her you are. Some people will never be happy no matter what they have. Sheesh.:(

OH and BTW stop with the porn and treat your wife with more love and respect. Enjoy the sex you do have with her, and stop thinking of what other women in the porn films may do, its not real life, they are acting. Many women in porn films actually hate sex.
 

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I'm wondering if MC with a trained sex therapist would be helpful. Perhaps she would be more comfortable with her sexuality and you would understand her mindset. What is the norm in her mind may be more flexible if approached by a professional. She sounds like a special kind of lady and I hope you appreciate her.

Sometimes, in cases such as yours, there is shame associated with some of her concerns. Yet, not all folks think they need to try a bit of living of the edge to enjoy life. She leads a healthy life and expenses are less because of her preferences--what an advantage. She is loyal, doesn't follow the crowd--you can trust her and be proud. She is not likely to embarrass you. Be careful in dwelling on what isn't than what is...
Aside from MC, there are a HUGE number of Christian-based sites devoted to sexual pleasure being a gift from God and offering pretty specific ways one can go about enjoying that gift. I think it's very important to respect her boundaries, but at the same time, there are some areas where they might be able to be stretched a bit. I don't think pushing real dirty talk or porn makes any sense whatsoever. But leaving out oral sex (on her)? I think that's something that might be within slightly-stretched boundaries.

This is apparently a very honorable and decent woman who should be treated with respect and kindness, not ridicule.
 

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Thanks for the thoughtfulness and insight.

BTW how odd is this: There is never open mouth "French" kissing and rarely hand holding. " I love you" is very rare. I'm not good at saying it either. It's just not a phrase that is used by anyone in my house. (2 sons 15 and 13).

It's the vulnerability and emotional closeness that's not up to snuff. I sense it but My guess is she's ok with where things are or at least She wouldn't ever bring it up as a problem and would never dream of counseling. No money problems.

She is not unattractive to my physically- but
It's tough to imagine doing these things that have been suggested... we are more like legally linked cohabitating coparenting FWB than passionate lovers. Sometimes i question my feelings and catch myself taking for granted. She'll just put up with whatever and not complain... desperately avoids conflict. I seek it sometimes to address these things and she just shuts down and cries.
Not surprising. You are never going to have the physical intimacy that you crave without the emotional intimacy. Here is a tip, be the leader in your marriage and in your household. When you feel love say it. Often to your kids too, it's very important. Open yourself up emotionally to your wife and see what happens.
 

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I do understand all the criticism aimed at the OP and maybe some of it is justified - however - I do sense that his wife is wired very differently from the norm.

And I don't just mean not being into swearing, alcohol, adventurous sex etc. I was raised in a very strict household (Catholic) and TV was something that we were rewarded with not taken for granted. Also didnt drink a lot when I was young (and I was a male so we had more allowances than the girls). BUT there is something Stepfordian in her demeanour and behaviour from what the OP says and while that would appear sweet and endearing at first, would eventually wear on me and maybe even freak me out a bit.

So I would have to ask to delve deeper into her upbringing, family, close network growing up etc. There is something in there that shaped her into the person she is today.
 

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Guys,

Imagine you're 21 and you meet a very nice and pretty shy 19 yo lady in college. Early on you learn she:

Is Phi beta
hasn't ever been drunk or high
Hasn't ever had alcohol or coffee
has never stolen or lied
Never swears
Has Never seen porn or even sought it out
Doesn't have any interest or curiosity in any of the above
Is very naive
is a virgin and only ever had one relationship with a man (the height of its physical intimacy was him trying to feel her up and and her lying there confused and pushing his hand away)

Although it might seem religious based - her lifestyle choice behavior is so g rated just because she is so innocently naive and shy and seems embarrassed/turned off by all the vice like things described.


Absolutely ***ZERO*** drama - none whatsoever. Everything is just calmly blissfully PG rated and she is seemingly always agreeable and amenable to whatever messes around and but won't have sex though.

Mutual attraction but would any of the above be a red flag to you?
So that was my wife when I met her in 1991.

Really hasn't changed at all. Not necessarily a bad thing - it's just very predictable.

Wanna have an adult beverage or --- hey weed is legal now... wanna try something new? Not happening.

Different strokes for different folks.

Sounds like I'm judging but is it odd never to have experienced these things or even be remotely curious about them let alone actively avoiding them?

June Cleaver vs. Nikki Minnaj.
Also sounds a bit like the woman I married, except she would drink at times. While I love my wife and have been married to her for 48 years, I struggle with her LD nature.

In hindsight, I would say Yes the list sounds like red flags. The question I would advise others (or myself) to ask such a woman prior to marriage is if she has ever masturbated and why. Also ask her to describe what a perfect marriage entails.

Good luck and enjoy your wife.
 

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Is Phi beta
hasn't ever been drunk or high
Hasn't ever had alcohol or coffee
has never stolen or lied
Never swears
Has Never seen porn or even sought it out
Doesn't have any interest or curiosity in any of the above
Is very naive
is a virgin and only ever had one relationship with a man (the height of its physical intimacy was him trying to feel her up and and her lying there confused and pushing his hand away)

Mutual attraction but would any of the above be a red flag to you?
Most of the above would be red flags for me. I just couldn't date someone like that without being bored out of my mind.

I haven't read replies yet, so I'll be all :eek: if it turns out this woman was/is 1 in 1,000,000 and turns into the biggest kinster known to man.
 

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Mutual attraction but would any of the above be a red flag to you?
Were they to you, back in 1991?

Perhaps strangely, the Joni Mitchell lines popped in my mind as I read through this thread, '..don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you got 'till it's gone..'
 

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Sounds like I'm judging but is it odd never to have experienced these things or even be remotely curious about them let alone actively avoiding them?
I've taken drugs, drink alcohol, watched porn... I don't think it's odd not to have experienced such things. Unlike your wife, I rarely go to the beach, and have only painted once outside of school. From that very short description, your wife doesn't sound boring to me. There's a creative streak pulsing through her and brightening a canvas. That would be something I'd find most interesting!
 

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It all depends on what you want. I’m too naughty for her but she’d make a good mother. Be sure you’re willing to be a G-rated Ned Flanders for life because that’s what she wants.

Expect her to be LD and seldom if ever orgasm. Women who don’t masturbate often have difficulty orgasming. Also don’t be surprised if she would marry a guy she’s not physically attracted to.
 

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Thanks for the thoughtfulness and insight.

BTW how odd is this: There is never open mouth "French" kissing and rarely hand holding. " I love you" is very rare. I'm not good at saying it either. It's just not a phrase that is used by anyone in my house. (2 sons 15 and 13).

It's the vulnerability and emotional closeness that's not up to snuff. I sense it but My guess is she's ok with where things are or at least She wouldn't ever bring it up as a problem and would never dream of counseling. No money problems.

She is not unattractive to my physically- but
It's tough to imagine doing these things that have been suggested... we are more like legally linked cohabitating coparenting FWB than passionate lovers. Sometimes i question my feelings and catch myself taking for granted. She'll just put up with whatever and not complain... desperately avoids conflict. I seek it sometimes to address these things and she just shuts down and cries.
In previous posts you mentioned more than once that your wife is not an explorer with her lack of curiosity and that she is pleasant. She surrounds herself with pleasant things. She thinks pleasant thoughts and engages in pleasant hobbies. She avoids confrontation because confrontation is unpleasant.

Then you list some fairly vanilla sex acts that she you believe she would never participate in.

Combined with the lack of demonstrative physical and verbal affection, she is just not a passionate or expressive person. She's not interested in strong feelings. She is, basically, happy swimming in the shallow end of the pool.

Someone should have told 21 year old you that it is possible to find women who are passionate and expressive without being drama queens. The past is the past, though, and cannot be changed. What can be changed is the future.

You have the option of working with her. Have you ever had frank talks about sex with her? For example, a naive woman may not understand how much many men really do enjoy giving oral. Where would she have learned that? Not from her previous relationships, not from adult videos, not from her pleasant books. She may think it's icky and why would she allow you to do something icky? If she truly understood that you really do desire this act and that it is not icky at all to you, she might be open to it.

Have you asked her to be more emotionally expressive? Have you explained that spontaneous hugs and I love you's would make you happier? Have you lead by example and been more expressive yourself?


You have the option of accepting her as is and being content with what you have.

You have the option of ending the marriage and searching for a compatible woman with a slightly more passionate and curious nature.



I do understand all the criticism aimed at the OP and maybe some of it is justified - however - I do sense that his wife is wired very differently from the norm.
I think it's the lack of curiosity. Humans tend to be rather curious. It's a common shared trait. Absence of curiosity is actually odd for us.
 

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Guys,

Imagine you're 21 and you meet a very nice and pretty shy 19 yo lady in college. Early on you learn she:

Is Phi beta
hasn't ever been drunk or high
Hasn't ever had alcohol or coffee
has never stolen or lied
Never swears
Has Never seen porn or even sought it out
Doesn't have any interest or curiosity in any of the above
Is very naive
is a virgin and only ever had one relationship with a man (the height of its physical intimacy was him trying to feel her up and and her lying there confused and pushing his hand away)

Although it might seem religious based - her lifestyle choice behavior is so g rated just because she is so innocently naive and shy and seems embarrassed/turned off by all the vice like things described.


Absolutely ***ZERO*** drama - none whatsoever. Everything is just calmly blissfully PG rated and she is seemingly always agreeable and amenable to whatever messes around and but won't have sex though.

Mutual attraction but would any of the above be a red flag to you?
Wait..you want a drunken, stoned, potty mouthed, porn watching, thieving, lying, promiscuous drama queen?


Be grateful you didn't get that....
 

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Can I ask you your age? It sounds like you are questioning your life decisions.



This is pretty common in mid-life where people start to feel like their life is "coming to an end" and this is their last chance to experience "the thrill". Unfortunately, this kind of thinking is less about external inputs and more about self.


Me 49; her 47

You are probably right. Regret previous missed opportunities and not doing more oat sewing.
Women usually regret having had too many sexual encounters. Men wish they’d done more.

Totally normal to feel this way. Don’t act on it.
 

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She's really nothing like that......She just put you in the friends zone and you don't know it yet. :)
 

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OP, when you look back at your life, what are some of your favorite memories? I dont know about you or anyone else, but my favorite memories are always part of the journey, not the destination. No matter what it is. Most stories I've heard people tell, the memories they share, bad times and good they look back on fondly and retell the stories, it's always related to the journey, not the destination. Enjoy the ride with her here and now.

I could tell 1000 stories of my favorite memories with my wife. Maybe 3 of them are sex related. We enjoy our sex life a lot too. Just had a little cuddle lovin this morning before she left for work as a matter of fact. :)

No matter how sexual she could possibly be, you can always get stuck in the mindset you are in now. Needing more more more! Stinkfist. Finger, knuckle, elbow, shoulder... it's never enough. Drop that mindset. I would say she isn't the issue here at all.

What else is going on in your life that could be causing you to get these feelings that you are missing something? Do you think there could be something else that's making you question everything and the path you are currently walking?
 

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"interesting" comes in many forms. I don't drink, do drugs, party, etc, but do other things I find interesting. For some people, fortunately including my wife, that is completely fine. Its about compatibility.

Some people have very limited sexual experience early in life because they have little interest in sex, others because they were to shy to initiate, but can be wild passionate lovers given the chance. Again, all about compatibility.

If you are married, you should love the person you are married to. If you can't then the marriage has little value
 
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