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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My wife is currently very unhappy in our marriage of nearly 8 years. So unhappy that she started a romantic relationship with a coworker. Once I found out about it, she did say she would discontinue her relationship with him and work on our marriage. After some talking, her main sources of unhappiness as she understands them today are a lack of passion and romance, and more importantly, that she is afraid she can't be who she is or who she wants to be in our relationship. I have never once asked her to change who she was for me, but she thinks that I have this silent disapproval for everything she does. I understand her issues, but don't understand why she was too afraid to talk to me. At any rate I am looking for advice on how to help her understand that she can be an individual and a committed partner in a marriage at the same time. I don't know if she sees that. It is ok for her and I to have some differences of opinions, to have some different interests, and to have some different friends. I never told her we had to do everything together. She is seeing a counselor to help her with her individuality and happiness, but so far, he is completely unconcerned with the relationship. I fully believe that she can find happiness as an individual inside of a happy marriage. How do I convince her of that? What kind of activities can I, we, or she do to help her along that path? Have any of you ever gone through something like this? I believe that if we can ease her concerns a little bit that she might be better able to focus on the committment and trust that it takes for a successful marriage. Thanks.
 

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I had the same feelings your wife has with my husband for years. And it was the silent disapproval of everything I did. If I went out with friends, he would not say anything just act as if I did something wrong. I had an affair and during this affair I realized that the other man was not what I needed. I just needed recognition from my husband. I needed him to make me feel as though I as his wife. I wanted him to show me some type of emotion. If I were you I would make sure that she knows daily that you love her. And that you would do anything and everything to save your marriage. Be persistant but not overbearing. Hopefully everything will work out.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
The thing is, I always said I loved her. I always initiated hugs and cuddling. I always tried to make her the priority in my life. I am by no means innocent in all of this, but I thought I was doing things right, and she never said a word to me.

You and your husband are lucky that you realized that the other man was not what you needed and wanted. My wife is still trying to convince herself of that.

No matter, I am committed, and I am trying to trust her again. No matter what I did or how bad it got, she and I both know that an affair was not the solution. It was a temporary fix for her that damaged the relationship more that it was. I have forgiven her without her asking to be forgiven, but trust will take some time to rebuild.

As far as reconnecting, I have set up some dates for us to try to reconnect. Her birthday is coming up and I am thinking about an all day spa package for her to go to alone so she can pamper herself and not think about anything else.

Time will tell whether or not it will work, but it certainly won't fail on my account. Thanks for your input.
 
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