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She knows 100% if she tells his wife, she'll never EVER hear from him again. She values the OM much more than her husband or her children. She'd rather keep cheating on them, rather than hurt her OM.

I gave my ex-wife the choice, tell his wife or get divorce papers today. She elected to get divorce papers today. (She didn't know I had a bunch of photos, emails, etc all stored for her OM Wife to receive. She begged me not to give OBS because it would destroy him and his family. What about MY FAMILY she destroyed with him. Needless to say, I talked to OBS and gave her everything that I had, which OBS then filed for divorce. My EX-W Blamed me for destroying OM marriage, blamed me for destroying her relationship with OM (He dropped her immediately when his wife knew) and how childish I was for exposing everything to everyone. By the way, the OM's Wife thanked me for telling her. She really appreciated what I had done and said if she discovered the affair, she would have told me.

I seriously doubt the original poster will tell the OBS or her Husband. Give it time, she'll be caught and everyone will know. I'm also willing to bet there's a chance that the children could be the OM's.
I simply can’t understand how WS come to think the way they do and take zero responsibility for their choices.

These people believe it’s ok to crap on the person they took vows to and their own kids just so they can have the tingles. I really can’t think of anything more pathetic.
 

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I seriously doubt the original poster will tell the OBS or her Husband.
Yeah, it's highly unlikely.

My wife told her AP's wife, but not until she felt like she had no other options to try and salvage things (and she kept ****ing him anyway so what good that did). She talked to the OM's wife without me knowing until after the fact. Most of it was done via text so that's all I had to see and she could have been texting anyone. The OM's wife called me 2-3 days later, we talked and she sent me about 100 screenshots of their texts and porn videos from his burner phone. I talked to her a few more times after that. Without that, I doubt I'd trust my wife actually told her.

So on the off chance that the OP does tell the wife what has been going on, she needs to either have her husband present (and the decision should be his to make) or record the call or conversation - no texting. Calls and conversations can be faked too if she has a willing friend who is a good actress, but it's less likely. Her husband would also be wise to verify the number actually belongs to the OM's wife, which is easy to do these days.
 

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Divorce your husband. You don’t respect him and you aren’t honest within the marriage. You’ve ruined any chance that it could be good.

I must ask - why do you depend on any man for YOUR happiness?
That’s something you should give yourself!
 

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I'm also seeing a therapist for months now. So far I didn't make any progress.
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. If this one is not working find another. You really need to be super cautious when selecting a counselor.

ask yourself honestly as to why you are not making progress.Could it be you will not implement appropriately the suggestion being offered?

consider reading Eckhart Tolle. Power of Now.
 
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Discussion Starter · #46 ·
I understand what everyone is saying. Some isn't easy to read but it's true and I need to hear it. But one thing I won't agree with is to be called a bad mom. I suck as a wife when it comes to honesty due to cheating, but I'm a good mom. Yes, there are times I check my phone and my mind wonders off but I'm also pretty good at correcting that.
As a mom though, I'm failing exactly where my mom failed. She was abused by my alcoholic father but never left him. So codependent. But stayed no matter what.
That's where I am. I call him abuser because he was - physically. Still is emotionally. My therapist said my affair is a form of escaping due to that. He was my first boyfriend and I didn't know better. Looking back, I was probably just running away from my dysfunctional family just to create another one. That's on me. I should left back then but I didn't. He would always laughed at me and say " who would want you!?" These days he hates when someone jokes I'm not his wife because I'm too pretty for him. He hated for me to go to a college to better myself, to grow. Called me stupid while I ended up one of the best students while studying in a language that isn't my native. Each time I would grow he wanted to make me smaller. That leaves scares on your soul.
Some of you pointed out my old post - it has nothing to do with OM. It was from 2017 and I didn't know he existed back then.
Also, my daughter is my husband's. I didn't know him back then neither.
When it comes to STD - I use protection. I would not put my husband in any risk of that. I'm not a careless evil.
I have no excuse for what I'm doing. I just have to put words into actions and end it. My therapist said I'm slowly getting there because I'm starting to see more of a real MM than the version of him that I thought he was.
 

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Discussion Starter · #47 ·
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. If this one is not working find another. You really need to be super cautious when selecting a counselor.

ask yourself honestly as to why you are not making progress.Could it be you will not implement appropriately the suggestion being offered?

consider reading Eckhart Tolle. Power of Now.
Thanks! I actually downloaded that book recently.
 

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Discussion Starter · #48 ·
Have you told the counselor that you’ve been having an affair?
Yes. That was the whole point of seeing her. I was struggling how to cope. I didn't understand why I felt all I did. Why hot and cold was driving me nuts. Why I took everything as my fault. Low-selfesteem and all. I was having chest pains from all the stress it brought.
Im also talking to her about my marriage. About things that are happening between me and my H.
 

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Discussion Starter · #49 ·
Divorce your husband. You don’t respect him and you aren’t honest within the marriage. You’ve ruined any chance that it could be good.

I must ask - why do you depend on any man for YOUR happiness?
That’s something you should give yourself!
That's true. Something I have struggled with most of my life. According to my therapist I don't love myself. She said if I did I wouldn't let anyone treat me bad.
 

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But one thing I won't agree with is to be called a bad mom. I suck as a wife when it comes to honesty due to cheating, but I'm a good mom.
Good parents do not do things that will risk their childs safety or destroy their child's family and their other parent. And I say that as someone who has been on both sides of infidelity.

When it comes to STD - I use protection. I would not put my husband in any risk of that. I'm not a careless evil.
Oh, so THAT'S where you draw the line :rolleyes:

Do you also use condoms when you're giving him blowjobs and use dental dams when he's going down on you? Do you let him rub his **** up against your lady parts uncovered? STDs do not just spread from PIV sex. They can also spread by kissing or touching in some cases.
 

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Discussion Starter · #51 ·
Good parents do not do things that will risk their childs safety or destroy their child's family and their other parent. And I say that as someone who has been on both sides of infidelity.


Oh, so THAT'S where you draw the line :rolleyes:

Do you also use condoms when you're giving him blowjobs and use dental dams when he's going down on you? Do you let him rub his **** up against your lady parts uncovered? STDs do not just spread from PIV sex. They can also spread by kissing or touching in some cases.
My husband and I don't kiss. We haven't for year. He don't go down on each other. There is no fun in our bedroom. It was like that before MM. There were times when I would automatically cry right after he was done. I don't know why. Just tons of sadness instead of happy, connecting feelings towards him.
 

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I understand what everyone is saying. Some isn't easy to read but it's true and I need to hear it. But one thing I won't agree with is to be called a bad mom. I suck as a wife when it comes to honesty due to cheating, but I'm a good mom. Yes, there are times I check my phone and my mind wonders off but I'm also pretty good at correcting that.
As a mom though, I'm failing exactly where my mom failed. She was abused by my alcoholic father but never left him. So codependent. But stayed no matter what.
That's where I am. I call him abuser because he was - physically. Still is emotionally. My therapist said my affair is a form of escaping due to that. He was my first boyfriend and I didn't know better. Looking back, I was probably just running away from my dysfunctional family just to create another one. That's on me. I should left back then but I didn't. He would always laughed at me and say " who would want you!?" These days he hates when someone jokes I'm not his wife because I'm too pretty for him. He hated for me to go to a college to better myself, to grow. Called me stupid while I ended up one of the best students while studying in a language that isn't my native. Each time I would grow he wanted to make me smaller. That leaves scares on your soul.
Some of you pointed out my old post - it has nothing to do with OM. It was from 2017 and I didn't know he existed back then.
Also, my daughter is my husband's. I didn't know him back then neither.
When it comes to STD - I use protection. I would not put my husband in any risk of that. I'm not a careless evil.
I have no excuse for what I'm doing. I just have to put words into actions and end it. My therapist said I'm slowly getting there because I'm starting to see more of a real MM than the version of him that I thought he was.
Okay so your husband was and is a bad choice. But making further bad choices and pining after a married man that treats you like a masturbatory device is compounding your bad choices and degrading your self worth. As it should. People who value themselves don’t behave the way you’re behaving.

You may not be a bad mom, but I’d argue you cannot be a great mom when you’re willing to run off with the OM on a whim and constantly have your head wrapped up in him, and when you are setting the bar so low for that poor child if your marriage is as terrible as you say it is.

So is your therapist there to hem and haw about all your bad choices or are you working to do something about this crappy situation? I’d argue you could be a way better parent half the time if you are healthy, strong and involved than half assing it and exposing the kid to witness emotional abuse all the time.
 

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My husband and I don't kiss. We haven't for year. He don't go down on each other. There is no fun in our bedroom. It was like that before MM. There were times when I would automatically cry right after he was done. I don't know why. Just tons of sadness instead of happy, connecting feelings towards him.
That's not what I asked.

Also, the sob story isn't going to work.
 

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When it comes to STD - I use protection. I would not put my husband in any risk of that. I'm not a careless evil.
I have no excuse for what I'm doing. I just have to put words into actions and end it. My therapist said I'm slowly getting there because I'm starting to see more of a real MM than the version of him that I thought he was.
are you sure? cheating alone is considered careless, evil and the most disrespectful act. Protection doesn't always protect you from STD
again, what would've you done if it was your husband the one cheating?
again#2 - you need to confess to your husband and the other woman. otherwise you will live a really miserable life.
 

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Mamina,

Thank you so much for sharing your story. You are in a great pain by not knowing how to escape and confused. You are in love with another man while being in the marriage and I believe you might be ashamed for your behaviour, emotionally abandoned by your husband, sad, sexually unsatisfied by your husband and angry. The relationship with MM became obsessive for you and you do not seem to know how to move on.

Does anything above sound familiar to you?
 

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Yes Mamina, as per @JohnnyJo thanks for sharing your story cos you knew you weren't going to get much sympathy.

You're addicted to MM and it's like any other addiction, it takes over your life.
Maybe make a silent vow to your child who was seeking your attention to go No Contact with MM?
Maybe try a different therapist? You said you were seeing the current one for a while?
People keep a hold over another person by doing the 'hot & cold' and feeding the other person breadcrumbs? It's the oldest trick in the book. He knows how to play you.
How do you know you're the only one MM is playing around with? My guess he is, it would explain his 'cold' periods as well.
My solution sounds simple I know. I'm just trying to throw some ideas out there.
Try the above and divorce your husband. Is that impossible for some reason?
I'm not sure I'd tell your husband about the A because he has been physically abusive in the past and his anger might bring it up again.
But I think you'd be doing a good thing morally by telling OM's wife—making amends to her in a small way, well in fact a big way cos it's a big part of her life that she knows zero about.
MM sounds like a total jerk on many different levels and he's getting some kind of perverse kick out of behaving as he does. And the rough sex too which you don't even like? Couldn't be the more opposite to love. To me he sounds scary.
Why not resolve not to let such a nasty piece of work use you like that?
I'd bet a very large sum of money that you're not the only one as I said above.
 
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