[Riverside MFT]

What does it mean to include God in your marriage?

Throughout my years as a marriage counselor, I have noticed that when people include God in their relationship that they are generally happier both individually and within their marriage. I wanted to share a few thoughts about what it means to me to include God in your relationship.

Faith in God. This is the first step. You are not going to be able to include God into your relationship until you believe in him. God wants you to be happy in your marriage. He also wants your spouse to be happy in the marriage as well. Believe that this is true. Have faith in God that he will inspire you to do what is necessary in order to have a happy and fulfilling marriage.

Pray to Him. Pray to God for patience and determination to make your marriage work. You can ask Him for help with any aspect of your marriage. Do you need help in your communication? Do you need help in loving your spouse? Pray to God, he will help you and your marriage. Do not pray to change your spouse, but pray for the ability to recognize and change yourself. Pray to Him for your spouse’s needs.

Act as God would want you to act. You are married to a son or daughter of God (whether they act like a child of God or not). When my children get married, I want their spouses to treat them with the utmost respect. I want them to be valued and to be treated as the son or daughter of a Great King, because they are. God wants you to respect your spouse. He wants you to value them, and their thoughts, and their feelings.

Demonstrate Repentance. Recognizing when you have hurt or offended your spouse is an important aspect of healthy marriages. There are times when we intentionally try to make them feel bad and other times when we innocently hurt or offend our spouse. Apologizing to our spouse (and to God for the way we treated His son or daughter) can be an excellent way to include God in your relationship and can help with the healing of offenses.

Be Forgiving. As important as it is to apologize to our spouse for any wrongdoing, it is equally (if not more important) to be forgiving of our spouse when they have offended us. Get rid of those feelings of anger or revenge that you may have towards your spouse. Look for the good in them instead of dwelling on their faults. Let God be the judge of your spouse’s behaviors.

Originally posted at God in Marriage

 

[MiriRose]

Thank you so much for this post -- what an encouragement!

 

[bethshek]

Include God in Marriage is the most important thing in relatioship. God is the author of relationship and when the relationship between two person was destroyed because of the plan of the enemy, God made a way to fix the broken pieces and made it a new creation and enjoy life to what God destined us to be.

 

[Mr Blunt]

By Riverside
Be Forgiving. As important as it is to apologize to our spouse for any wrongdoing, it is equally (if not more important) to be forgiving of our spouse when they have offended us. Get rid of those feelings of anger or revenge that you may have towards your spouse. Look for the good in them instead of dwelling on their faults. Let God be the judge of your spouse’s behaviors

You cannot be in a marriage for the long haul without being faced with accepting or rejecting forgiveness. All kinds of circumstances are presented that make it really really tough to forgive. The offender not being sorry and the human emotions are just a few road blocks that make it so tough to truly forgive.

Actually I do not think it is possible to forgive some offenses with out God’s help. However, you do have a part in that you can use your free will choice and faith. One example is that you can believe God when He says that He will forgive you if you forgive others. Another is that you can choose to believe that God will bless you when you seek His ways and obey Him.

Matthew 6:14“
For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

Galatians 522
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law


Hebrews 11:6
But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

Sometimes it boils down to trust and obey.

 

[2ntnuf]

Quote: Hebrews 11:6
But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.


This is what is so hard for me. Apparently, I have never believed enough for Him. Sorry, that is not true. I have believed in Him since I can remember. I have prayed, thanked and worshipped Him.

I wait for His reply.

 

[that_girl]

I don't do any of the Christian god stuff.

But we follow most of that. We're doin alright.

 

[Mr Blunt]

By 2ntnuf
Quote: Hebrews 11:6
But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.


This is what is so hard for me. Apparently, I have never believed enough for Him. Sorry, that is not true. I have believed in Him since I can remember. I have prayed, thanked and worshipped Him.

I wait for His reply.

Abraham waited 100 years before God rewarded him with his son Isaac.
How long are you willing to wait?

Joseph was put in prison for years for refusing to sin against God. God eventually rewarded Joseph with making his the second highest official in all of Egypt and Joseph saved his whole family from starvation. Joseph had a blessed life for his last 60 years of life. Have you suffered more than Joseph?

What does “Diligently” seeking God mean to you?

Of course if you think that the Bible is just a fairy tale then none of the above will mean anything to you.

You seem like a person that is holding on to your faith by a thread. I have been in that position before so I would like to encourage you to hold on.

“I have believed in Him since I can remember. I have prayed, thanked and worshipped Him.”

You will suffer; you will be tested, because you are a child of God. This too shall pass

 

[2ntnuf]

Abraham waited 100 years before God rewarded him with his son Isaac.
How long are you willing to wait?

Joseph was put in prison for years for refusing to sin against God. God eventually rewarded Joseph with making his the second highest official in all of Egypt and Joseph saved his whole family from starvation. Joseph had a blessed life for his last 60 years of life. Have you suffered more than Joseph?

What does “Diligently” seeking God mean to you?

Of course if you think that the Bible is just a fairy tale then none of the above will mean anything to you.

I do not.


You seem like a person that is holding on to your faith by a thread. I have been in that position before so I would like to encourage you to hold on.

I am only holding by a thread. It's not that I do not believe He is there. I am starting to believe He will not help, ever. I am trying my best to hold on.



You will suffer; you will be tested, because you are a child of God. This too shall pass

Patience is a virtue. I struggle with that virtue.

 

[Homemaker_Numero_Uno]

Not just in your marriage, but in all your relationships.
Remember, marriage starts as something that is not marriage.
So for single people, including God in relationships is a good habit, however God manifests in your beliefs.

 

[Mr Blunt]

Nothing has changed my mind. There is no real living without her.

I have no doubt that you are in great pain. However, one person should not be your whole world. You have a body, mind, and spirit and one person should not control all three to the degree that you give up on life.

My brother’s wife dropped dead at target from a heart attack at age 58. They have been married since 18 years of age and have two children. My brother’s only daughter was court ordered into lock-down drug treatment one week after his wife died. Was he hurt? He was in great pain. Even though his wife was loved by all as she was a very kind and helpful person, my brother did not put his whole soul and whole being into one person.

My brother is now remarried and his daughter just graduated from college last May. He had a terrible 8 years but it did not take his whole life from him. That is not harsh that just shows that he had enough strength to endure a terrible life experience and still find some joy in life even if he did have to wait 8 years.


I do not want to minimize your pain but it is not healthy to put your whole body, mind, and soul into one person. Our Vice president, Joe Biden lost his wife and children when he was in his youth (30s) and he has recovered to a degree that he has contributed to his own life and to others.

I do not know your situation but it is probably not worse than Joe Biden losing his spouse and children. Do you have someone, a family member, a friend, a professional, a brother or sister in yoru faith that can help you?

 

[Gaia]

Riverside, although I have different beliefs then most here I do find your advice helpful. Being able to forgive ones spouse is important but so is being able to forgive ones self. For those of us who dont believe in the same thing you do, your advice is still very helpful. Thank you for the post.
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[2ntnuf]

Riverside, although I have different beliefs then most here I do find your advice helpful. Being able to forgive ones spouse is important but so is being able to forgive ones self. For those of us who dont believe in the same thing you do, your advice is still very helpful. Thank you for the post.
Posted via Mobile Device

Sorry, Gaia, I don't even know what I am supposed to forgive. I do not know what she did or did not do. I know some of what I did. I know some of what I am accused of doing. I know what I remember. I probably have forgotten some things. Some of the things which I was accused of doing never happened. Unfortunately, I was not strong enough to deny them.

 

[ShawnD]

Faith in God. This is the first step. You are not going to be able to include God into your relationship until you believe in him. God wants you to be happy in your marriage. He also wants your spouse to be happy in the marriage as well. Believe that this is true. Have faith in God that he will inspire you to do what is necessary in order to have a happy and fulfilling marriage.

Why are you assuming this? Historically, marriage was never about happiness or love. It was a business contract. The culture described in the bible is actually very similar to the modern day Middle East or India. Men and women would get married without knowing much about each other, and women were completely cut out of the process. If daddy says you're marrying guy X, that's the way it is. The biblical way to resolve marriage problems was for women to stay quiet and not say anything.

 

[2ntnuf]

Why are you assuming this? Historically, marriage was never about happiness or love. It was a business contract. The culture described in the bible is actually very similar to the modern day Middle East or India. Men and women would get married without knowing much about each other, and women were completely cut out of the process. If daddy says you're marrying guy X, that's the way it is. The biblical way to resolve marriage problems was for women to stay quiet and not say anything.

Sorry, this just doesn't ring true if you understand what the Bible is trying to convey.

While in many marriages of old and I would assume many even today, a union was/is determined by the parents according to many factors, this is not the ideal situation. It is a shame so many have to endure such a union.

All things being considered, there is no such thing as love. If this is true, what is God?

 

[ShawnD]

Sorry, this just doesn't ring true if you understand what the Bible is trying to convey.

Are we reading the same bible?

Women are made to serve men, and it's not a two way street:

"But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God."
(I Corinthians 11:3)

"For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man."
(I Corinthians 11:8-9)

If some people want to gang rape a man you don't know, you should suggest they gang rape your daughter instead. She's just a woman, and women are slaves to men anyway:

"Behold, here is my daughter a maiden, and his concubine; them I will bring out now, and humble ye them, and do with them what seemeth good unto you: but unto this man do not so vile a thing. But the men would not hearken to him: so the man took his concubine, and brought her forth unto them; and they knew her, and abused her all the night until the morning: and when the day began to spring, they let her go."
(Judges 19:24-25)

Women are retarded, so don't let them teach anything or say stuff:

"Let the women learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression."
(I Timothy 2:11-14)

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? Nothing. She was already told twice.

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything."
(Ephesians 5:22-24)

Damn it, woman. We all get slightly dumber when you say stuff, so just don't say anything!

"Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law. And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church."
(I Corinthians 14:34-35)

The bible makes it pretty clear that you don't need to show any respect for women.

 

[2ntnuf]

Are we reading the same bible?

Women are made to serve men, and it's not a two way street:


If some people want to gang rape a man you don't know, you should suggest they gang rape your daughter instead. She's just a woman, and women are slaves to men anyway:


Women are retarded, so don't let them teach anything or say stuff:


What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? Nothing. She was already told twice.


Damn it, woman. We all get slightly dumber when you say stuff, so just don't say anything!



The bible makes it pretty clear that you don't need to show any respect for women.

Sorry, we're going to have to agree to disagree. You need to have someone help you think about what you are typing. Well, I guess you need to work on your thoughts first. I can't help you with that. I never gave a woman two black eyes. I never gave anyone two black eyes for that matter. I think you are on the wrong thread.

I can see how you came to those conclusions. You did not read and interpret the full text properly.

 

[Maricha75]

To ShawnD: How do you explain this part in the Bible, if women are not to be respected?

A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. Proverbs 31: 10-31


Seems to me that women were, and are, more than just a piece of flesh for the man to do with as he pleased. God gave us brains and expected/expects us to use them.

 

[Weathered]

Are we reading the same bible?

Women are made to serve men, and it's not a two way street:


If some people want to gang rape a man you don't know, you should suggest they gang rape your daughter instead. She's just a woman, and women are slaves to men anyway:


Women are retarded, so don't let them teach anything or say stuff:


What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? Nothing. She was already told twice.


Damn it, woman. We all get slightly dumber when you say stuff, so just don't say anything!



The bible makes it pretty clear that you don't need to show any respect for women.

If this is some lame cynical attempt at twisting the words of the Bible to try to convey it as farcical and denigrating to women, then you're only fooling yourself.

If however you are serious about what you're typing here, then God help you.

 

[Mr Blunt]

Shawn D

The Bible does not hide any realities. It tells it like it is.
Because some men in the bible were twisted you attribute the Bible and God to the free will choices on twisted men.
You take out of the Bible certain verses and then you feed your bias. You seem very bitter towards the bible but you are no expert on the scriptures.

I am no expert either but it is easy to counter some of your statements below with the very bible you quote.

Quotes of Shawn D
Women are retarded, so don't let them teach anything or say stuff:

Damn it, woman. We all get slightly dumber when you say stuff, so just don't say anything!

Judges 4:4
4 And Deborah, a prophetess, the wife of Lapidoth, she judged Israel at that time.
5 And she dwelt under the palm tree of Deborah between Ramah and Bethel in mount Ephraim: and the children of Israel came up to her for judgment.
Shawn says that the Bible does not let women teach or stay stuff? WRONG!
Deborah judged all Israel!!!

Esther 415
Then Esther sent this reply to Mordecai: 16 “Go and gather together all the Jews of Susa and fast for me. Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. My maids and I will do the same. And then, though it is against the law, I will go in to see the king. If I must die, I must die.” 17 So Mordecai went away and did everything as Esther had ordered him.

Mordecai took Ester in to raise her when she was a child. Mordecai was her adopted father yet he “did everything that Esther ordered him”

Shawn, since you like to quote scriptures why did you not quote this one?

Esther 5
On the third day of the fast, Esther put on her royal robes and entered the inner court of the palace, just across from the king’s hall. The king was sitting on his royal throne, facing the entrance. 2 When he saw Queen Esther standing there in the inner court, he welcomed her and held out the gold scepter to her. So Esther approached and touched the end of the scepter.
3 Then the king asked her, “What do you want, Queen Esther? What is your request? I will give it to you, even if it is half the kingdom!”

Shawn ever heard of Queen Esther!!!!



Acts 18:24
And a certain Jew named Apollos, born at Alexandria, an eloquent man, and mighty in the scriptures, came to Ephesus.
25 This man was instructed in the way of the Lord; and being fervent in the spirit, he spake and taught diligently the things of the Lord, knowing only the baptism of John.
26 And he began to speak boldly in the synagogue: whom when Aquila and Priscilla had heard, they took him unto them, and expounded unto him the way of God more perfectly

Priscilla helped to expound to the eloquent and mighty man Apollo’s the way of God more perfectly

Quote of Shawn
Damn it, woman. We all get slightly dumber when you say stuff

Priscilla helped to explain things to the eloquent man Apollo! Woman dumb? Shawn=wrong


Ephesians 5
King James Version (KJV)

21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.
22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;


Christ so valued the church that He gave His life for the Church then proved that women are so very valuable and taught that men should give their lives for their wives.

Shawn, either you are not very versed in the Bible or you are versed and want to give just one side of scriptures to satisfy your attitude.

I am not even a member of any church and I know I am no expert about the scriptures but it was easy to get scriptures that so countered your attempt at portraying the Bible in a way that you want.

 

[RandomDude]

What are your views on including God in one's marriage if one spouse in particular is not Christian?