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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
OK, so this is a long story and I'm going to do my best to cover all the bases. Let me start by saying neither my girlfriend Sam or I are innocent and I will do my best to say it as true to life as I can. Well the best place to start is the beginning....

At age 19 I got my 18 year old girlfriend pregnant, not to mention she was my 1st I was not her first though. Yay luck right? Anyhow we had been dating about 3 months when we found this out, and since then the trouble ensued. The first issue started when (believe this part or not) she gave me her phone to hold since she had no pockets, a fair amount of time went buy and I forgot I had her phone, as did she. I left for work still l with her phone and then it started going off, at first I ignored it but then it kept going off so I assumed it was important and went to reply to tell them she would get back to them when she got her phone back. What I found shocked me... it was a text from her ex boyfriend Don she dated before me, someone she told me she no longer had any contact with. The text read "Hell no I'm not [email protected] stupid." Naturally this sparked my curiosity, her prior text said, "Did you leave anything inside me last time we had fun?“ I was shocked...I confronted her and she blamed it on her friend saying she took her phone and sent it as a joke, originally her friend supported this claim, then a day or two later she cracked because I kept bugging her about it, I mean who sends that as a joke, and more so if my gf wasn't talking to this guy prior, why would he respond like he did? My response would have been confusion not a direct answer. After her friend spilled I confronted her and she then claimed it was just to be sure the child was mine not his since it was recently after they broke up that we got together... Foolishly maybe, but I accepted that. Time went by things were well...

At 7 months pregnant she leaves me for a guy her sister introduced her to at the mall named Jim, claiming that she just wanted a break and wasn't going to be with this guy or anything they were just friends and she needed space. She told me she wanted me to date and get some experience because I was only ever with her and she didn't want to make it a long term relationship and worry I wasn't happy with just her, though to my knowledge I never intentionally gave her this impression. I tried hard to win her back but nothing worked after a month I gave up...Anyhow, I ended up trying to just find a few one night stands to build up my number and experience. I failed, I only ended up sleeping with one girl and I felt terrible afterwords. A little bit of time goes by and I meet this really sweet girl she was a virgin and she wasn't ready for sex, we started dating, at the same time my ex starting "officially" dating Jim. Without my prompting she promised she wasn't going to sleep with him and wanted me to promise her the same with Barbie, I refused, though explained that it probably wouldnt happen since she was a virgin. I also told her I didn't care if she slept with Jim as long as they wore a condom since my child was in there. Barbie and I dated for a month, never had sex only did other things one time that was all, anyhow she dumped me cuz she was going to school 8 hours away and didn't want an LDR. A few days later my ex calls me and says her and Jim broke up, and that was literally all, she hung up. The NEXT night I'm on my way to NYC with my father, step mom and step siblings at like 11pm everyone but my dad and I were sleeping. She is in tears, freaking out because she slept with Jim that night while they were watching a m movie, "as friends" and didn't wear a condom, I rushed her off the phone cuz I was upset she put our child at risk like that and I didn't want to talk to her anyhow. Well long story short when it gets closer to the due date we start spending more time together at appointments and such and we end up hooking up again. We decide to take it slow but that she would move in with me cuz her dad wanted no parts of helping her with our child, and I had my own place. We actually slept in different beds for a while (actually her in my bed me on the floor.) Things were going well.

Ugh this is a lot, it really puts it into perspective when you type it all out...

Anyhow I lost my job and we started to have to limit our going out on dates and such since she didn't have a job either, factor that into the stresses of a new born child and our relationship strained. One day about 6 months after our son was born surcease being really weird one day and kept wanting to go to the store alone (this is a girl who doesn't even like talking to the cashier when you check out.) I got suspicious and followed her, I get to the store she said she was going to and the first thing I notice is her ex bf Don's truck (very recognizable) get even closer and see my car parked on the other side of it... I sneak up on the truck and sure enough there she is with her had behind his head and his tongue down her throat...I slam on the truck window run around and jump into my car to leave, she gets in between the door and I can't close it, she refuses to move so I can close the door unless I allow her to go with me to "explain." I finally agree (meanwhile her ex is there the while time laughing and telling her not to go.) We go to the park to she tries to convince me he kissed her and she was trying to stop him, not realizing I had been there for long enough to know that was a lie. She finally told me the truth after a few hours. Don't ask me why but eventually I forgave her and let it go to a degree, we stayed together and it somehow actually made us better, for a little... mind you till this point I still hadn't cheated on her, believe me or don't.

A few months later I'm at work I get this weird feeling something is wrong so i decided to go home on my lunch break. I fin her there with Jim and her sister... in MY house... I have no idea what was going on because they had locked the screen door so i had to knock to get in. They came quickly and automatically they all blamed it on my gfs sister not knowing he shouldn't be there...I freak tell them both to leave and have to go back to work, upon getting there I couldn't focus and felt sick, I asked to go home and was allowed, I come home to find her packing up a small suit case and our son, about ready to load it all into Jim's car where he and her sister waited...they planed to go to Altoona where her mom lived to visit...needless to say I was pretty damn upset and she finally reluctantly decided to stay and talk about all this. Claiming thats why her sister and Jim were there and that she was going to tell me they were going up there, without saying by in person or even letting me say good by to my son, an 8 hour roundness trip and I don't know how long they planned to stay...wtf...I want nothing to do with her at this point, but I can't kick her out she has no where to go...I tried ignoring her extra but I found myself missing her...within weeks we were together again...then the sex died off...this is were I faltered, but I didn't do anything physical in person with anyone...I meet a girl online and we just originally started talking abbout our bad relationships...that, helped us both blow of steam and made our relationships better in some ways...but then we started sexting...and originally it was actually a mutual agreement to get each other hhot to take on our partners and initiate our failing sex lives, it worked for us but we both got rejected by our partners...this is were the sexting turned serious and the first time pics were exchanged. Well my gf found out and freaked, broke up with me but wouldn't move out...she started going out with friends almost every night, then randomly came home drunk and slept with me (who was I to argue) this prompted a reconciliation with ground rules, we each know who were talking to and can asked to see messages at any time (her idea, and she used it OFTEN, I did not because she always accidentally deleted her massages right before I asked the few times I did.)

Well she started talking to this guy Sean, claiming he was just a friend and such, well we got into an argument over the fact that she still had not found a job and how little she did around the house considering she was there at all times rent free while I worked 55/60 hours a week (I'm a a chauvinist or anything like tthat but if you're living with someone rent free and home almost all the time the lest you can do is clean up after yourself and some chores but no she didn't feel that way.) This argument ended with me just giving up and going to bed. About a half hour later she comes in the room and asks me what I meant by my text, I'm all but asleep at this point, mind you and i didn't send her any text. I ask her what she was talking about, she read me the text, "what can I do to make you happy, what can I do to make this work and be with you how I...." She stopped honestly sounded like something I'd say, I asked her why she stopped. She said never mind it was an old text she got late or something, but I didn't buy it I hadn't sent her a text like that in a long time. I got up and made her show me..it was from Sean...she then broke down and told me her friend took her to go see him and his daughter at the park and they talked about us and he admired he liked her. she then walked past me and started packing, she left me right then and there, her friend picked her up and she moved out...she left for about two months I slept around she dated Sean..then shushes started texting me complaint about him saying he wasn't taking her to her college classes, he was clingy mean and wouldn't let her hang out with her friend Jess who she was living with nnow, he was making her stay at his house all the ttime. Well him and her broke up, she moved back in with Jess for about two weeks then Jess told her she needed to get out because she was tired of the mess being made of her house. Jess recommended we both watch the movie fireproof and it hit home for me hard core...Sam asked if we could try something like that and move back in with me. I agreed...IT WAS AMAZING!!!!!!!! Things went so well, she was cleaning up after herself and above and beyond, sex was fantastic and there was no worries. That lasted probably 6 months then she stated leaving messes and stuff again but all else stayed strong. Things have been that way for a while but she's back tto doing absolutely nothing around the house besides making huge messes. Sex has fallen off again, and she is very quick to get upset and yell at me. She even accused me of cheating because a customer called me while we were watching a movie with friends and I went to the other room, where I could still be hears just not loud enough to interupt the movie and I could actually hear my customer. I never hide my phone, delete my messages or ignore/leave the room for calls prior to or after that call. Now I find out she's talking to this guy named Brad, they've been texting for days straight now but only when I'm at work, they've called each other 37:times in the past week and a half also only when I'm at work...now the texts I saw were not inappropriate but combined with the way she has been acting lately and this I feel like its happening all over again because this is tthe cycle she goes through when she's talking to "friends" it happened with don, Jim, Sean and now again with Brian... idk wtf to do.... I love this girl I realally want to be wiith her and i ttry my damndest but I feel like its not good enough...I buy her everything I can take her out as much as we can afford I put as much ttime and effort into this as i ccan and i ffeel like i get little to no return...help!!

God that was long and I feel like an a$$ I can't afford consoling for myself or for both of us so idk what to do that's why I'm rambling on oon here..m
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
That's paraphrased as best I could, we've been together like this 4 years now I left out at one point I did leave her because I couldn't take the fighting and her being so lazy around the house, it helped get her back on track for a while as well. This was well after she had done what she did, a litlle before Sean actually, maybe 7/8:months prior. Also I've tried romance and sweet gestures to jump start her in both helping out and sex, to no avail. I have turned to self treatment for my sexual needs and she finds porn vulgar and a form of cheat! Ironic I know... I really hope someone has some ideas. Also I'm worried if I leave her she will take me to custody and seek to keep our son from me, he mom already told her the only way she could move in there is if she has full custody ...
 

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Long story short, this is a mess. First have you had a paternity test yet on your son? Second, you need to grow up. Unfortunately you are in a high school drama with the added need of supporting a child healthily. You first and foremost responsibility should be your child(if it really is yours). Then, and only then should you begin to look for a stable life for them.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
No I have not, although I have reason to question it I don't because just looking at him I know he's mine. I can show you a picture of him and me at the same age and you'd never know who's who if mine wasn't in black and white. I've been trying to grow up, I've lived on my own and supported myself since i was 17 and moved cross country to California.Our son is well taken care of very happy and healthy that is not the issue, we also keep things as stable through all of this as we can, I never had him around any of my one night stands or anything of the sort, she did have him around Sean and his son.
 

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Your son is well taken care of? So where was he when she moved in with her friend but was being forced to stay at her boyfriends home? Was your son with you, the friend or being forced to stay at her boyfriends place? This much movement, revolving door of boyfriends and chaos is NOT healthy for a child. Yeah your son may get food and attention on a daily basis but children need STABILITY!

Go back and read what you wrote. This is straight out of Jerry Springer. I don't mean to be rude but it is. Is that how you want your life to be looked at from an outside perspective? If not get rid of her, get custody of your son, grow up and try living a normal productive life. For you and your son.

Also, you don't love her. What has she possibly done in 4 years, lying, manipulating, leaving at random and multiple OTHER boyfriends that you love about her? Once you are removed from this situation you will see that. You are emotionally dependent on her not in love with her.
 

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I dated a guy for a while when I was 19 and he was 23. He had 5 year old at the time. She looked so much like me that random people would stop me all the time with her to comment on how beautiful she was and how she looked like a carbon copy of me. Except we weren't even related. The little girl also looked nothing like her mother.

Point being I wouldn't trust that its your child because the kid looks like you. Also you sound like you could really use a nice therapist to work with you on why you allow people to walk all over you time and time again. I've said it before and I'll say it again. No one who is emotionally healthy would put up with what you do.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Your son is well taken care of? So where was he when she moved in with her friend but was being forced to stay at her boyfriends home? Was your son with you, the friend or being forced to stay at her boyfriends place? This much movement, revolving door of boyfriends and chaos is NOT healthy for a child. Yeah your son may get food and attention on a daily basis but children need STABILITY!

Go back and read what you wrote. This is straight out of Jerry Springer. I don't mean to be rude but it is. Is that how you want your life to be looked at from an outside perspective? If not get rid of her, get custody of your son, grow up and try living a normal productive life. For you and your son.

Also, you don't love her. What has she possibly done in 4 years, lying, manipulating, leaving at random and multiple OTHER boyfriends that you love about her? Once you are removed from this situation you will see that. You are emotionally dependent on her not in love with her.
He was/is always with me, if I'm working my mom watches him as she doesn't work. He has a schedule and the likes, I grew up with a broken him and without a father, ill never do that Tocantins child be it take his father or mother away so you can bet you last dollar that boy is as well taken care of as possible... the rest I agree with to a point, I'm very worriried I'd lose custody as courts have a tendency to side with the mother. Although I have my family and friends to back me up I don't know iif that would be enough considering she has the same. One of her friends sided with me told me I should go for custody almost had me convinced to do it then she told Sam everything and made herself look likely an angel
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I dated a guy for a while when I was 19 and he was 23. He had 5 year old at the time. She looked so much like me that random people would stop me all the time with her to comment on how beautiful she was and how she looked like a carbon copy of me. Except we weren't even related. The little girl also looked nothing like her mother.

Point being I wouldn't trust that its your child because the kid looks like you. Also you sound like you could really use a nice therapist to work with you on why you allow people to walk all over you time and time again. I've said it before and I'll say it again. No one who is emotionally healthy would put up with what you do.
Fair enough, I guess I could look into it, though I don't think I could handle it not being a match though I doubt it wouldn't be. He's been my pride and joy for 3 years, I'd die for that boy in a heart beat not sure I'm willing to give that up... as for the Therapy yeah pprobabably. I get three free sessions through my works insurance I guess I should look iinto it but after those three I couldn't afford anymore. Also I feel fine, I've met some pretty mmessed up and depressed people and allcin all I'm happy, sans wishing I had more money and that my relationship wasn't like this
 

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Believing that the court would side with the mother is something you should get out of your head. There is a steady trend moving away from mothers and more towards joint custody as society is starting to add more weight to the fact that quality of life for children with involved fathers is far greater.

Start documenting how often your mother watches your son and how often you have him. Show a pattern with solid records and evidence that you are the main caretaker for your son and show how erractic and unstable her behavior is and he would remain with you.

And honestly, saying she would get custody when you say you have him all the time and she is running around sleeping in random places is just an excuse for you to not do anything. No one here is going to tell you that you should stay with this girl for any reason.
 

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You need to find a lawyer and you need to get custody of the kid, as well as DNA test him.

then you need to dump the girl out of your life except for child issues. She's not at all focused on you or being family, she's acting like a child not a mom.

Here's the key thing: What's her priority? It's not you. It's not the child. It's her. It's all about her, meeting guys, getting attention, and what she feels like doing at the moment. She's lazy in how she treats you, and lazy about how she lives her life.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Yeah true...god its hard to hear let alone do :/ so there's no way to fix this? Sit down talk it out or anything? I mean I've tried but I end up getting so frustrated by her excuses or somehow trying to blame/turn it around on me... idk
 

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Yeah true...god its hard to hear let alone do :/ so there's no way to fix this? Sit down talk it out or anything? I mean I've tried but I end up getting so frustrated by her excuses or somehow trying to blame/turn it around on me... idk
Yes there is a way you should grow a pair and tell her to *** off from you and the child's life.
 
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