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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My wife and i were married this past April and had our son in September and to be honest I'm losing a lot of faith in my marriage and wife. I'm beginning to feel that if it wasn't for my son then I would have no problem separating either until she got her head out of her ass (don't want to offend anyone, sorry) or until she made some real changes.

From day one her mom has been in the picture manipulating and antagonizing our relationship. Months before our wedding she sits me down and begins asking me if I'm sure and listing out all these bad qualities of my wife and what might be unable to happen (not having kids, ect.). Well, it doesn't stop there, a few months prior to our wedding she called my wife and told her that an old boyfriend called her trying to get my wife's cell phone number and how she didn't give it to him, but later that night she sent my wife an email with his contact information and a little note saying, "just in case..." wtf?

See my wife is oblivious to all this and gets upset at me for bringing it up and her mother gets her feelings hurt (but i don't think it's real, i think she just wants to add to the fire). Needless to say I don't trust her mom at all, she is constantly trying to be in control of most things, she manipulates my wife with every chance she gets (not me anymore), in fact she will talk to me about something with a whole different tone, and then go talk to my wife with another tone sort of playing both sides.

I'm beginning to really not like my mother-in-law, and it's beginning to show with my attitude towards her. I'm all for being respectful because she tries to do so much to help out with our son, but I don't trust her at all and the thing that is most scariest is that my wife seems to be acting like her more and more, and whenever I say anything or her brother she gets really upset and bent out of shape.

What the heck can you do when your mother-in-law is this way and your wife doesn't correct it, but seems to always buy into the manipulation? This is also a new thing after our son was born, my wife was becoming more and more independent away from her manipulating mother but now (with a few other things in between) she is back to buying in... I'm afraid of my wife becoming more like her mother, because if this is the case then she and I will struggle worse then what we are already going through to make this marriage doable.
 

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With a young baby, your wife probably needs her Mom about more than ever. Once the baby is a bit bigger I guess her reliance on her will wane. I guess all you can do in the meantime is grit your teeth & try to avoid conflict.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thanks for the input...

yeah that makes a lot of sense, and I try my best to keep that in mind, but it's beyond that... having her around being manipulative and antagonistic is not helping our marriage.

I have discussed my feelings about sharing our relationship issues with others (family) or basically just being selective with whom. Especially with my mother-in-law on her third marriage and not completely happy, and her best friend married. Her mom has instilled in her a ridiculous amount of insecurities and fears (weight, fitting in, appearances, ect.) throughout the years, and with a recent birth i can see some of those coming back.

Anyone dealing with this or who has dealt with this?
 

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I would be slight in the way I present stuff by simply saying to your mother-in-law in private.

"Things of late have waned, it might be the area, maybe if it continues your daughter and I might have to move, have a fresh start with new people."

It doesn't call her out, yet she could get the idea of what she might lose.

Also keep in mind that she might think she is doing the right thing.

draconis
 
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