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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Anyone have any experience with this?
Pros? Cons?
 

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What's your situation? It might make a difference.
 

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I'm doing it now and it sucks.

Someone else posted that two things happen
1) you reconcile (ie sneak into the other bed) and don't fix the original problem
2) one party gets upset because the other is out

Even in my situation where I'm done with the marriage seeing my wife out all the time upsets me. If I didn't know it would be better. In fact the week she was out at her parents was the best week of my recent life.

However, some people don't have the financial option to separate for real... I can just say for me it sucked and still sucks and I can't wait to get out of this house. Because this house is not a home (Three Days Grace - Home - YouTube)
 

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Discussion Starter #4
angelpixie: Quickest way to see my situation would be to click on "My Story" in my siggy and read the original post. Not trying to be lazy - just a lot of background there.

devotion: Been doing it for 2 mos now, and we seem to both be dealing w/ it pretty well. Initially, I thought I wanted to R, and W didn't want to go to MC. However w/ every passing day, I am reminded of things she does that I've never been comfortable with.

Of course - the same is probably true w/ her. :)

At the least - its giving us time to reflect on what is best for us.
 

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Glad to hear its working for you. For me maybe the divorce is painful and being reminded of her and assuming that she's out with other men (when she's likely doing the same crap as I do, just living her life) is not worth being in the same house.
 

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In ANY separation case, inhouse or not, there should ALWAYS be boundaries.

Always figure out.. "Dating yes or no?"

NO contact or LC?

etc etc ETC... you get it :p

This way there's no confusion on what's going on... "hey, why are you hanging with xxx?"

Good luck to you all. I hope things work out for everyone. I know this pain, and it sucks.
 
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Went through it with my second husband. It lasted about a month and a half until he found his own place. I honestly don't believe I could have handled it any longer. It created a multitude of friction and arguments.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Went through it with my second husband. It lasted about a month and a half until he found his own place. I honestly don't believe I could have handled it any longer. It created a multitude of friction and arguments.
As I said, we're handling it pretty well now. That could change at any minute, obviously.
 

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I wouldn't want to be here but thankfully he's away at his mum's place at the moment. He had a string of long-term adulteries and I'd dread to see him coming home.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
I wouldn't want to be here but thankfully he's away at his mum's place at the moment. He had a string of long-term adulteries and I'd dread to see him coming home.
Not quite sure what you're saying...
"You wouldn't want him to be here" or
"You wouldn't want to be here". ???
 

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Hi sorry.

I meant, I would not want him to be "here" in our flat. I'm very sure that he doesn't want to be here in the same space as I am. He does not like to discuss things - he expects me to obey his decisions. I can't live like this anymore.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
Well, I didn't stay here either Friday or Saturday night. W hasn't said anything, or found any other subject to project her anger onto, but I can tell she's pizzed.

Beginning to wonder about this arrangement, lol
 

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hi older timer

hope "the end" (you leaving or your wife going) won't be too far for you...

Hope you are getting decent sleep! Stress of breaking up is never good for any of us. :(

Thank you for your friendly head's up.
 

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Discussion Starter #15
Probably won't be very long, lol.
 

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I just started a similar situation, though we are both (seemingly) in agreemnet that divorce is the best option...

Short story: financially he needs me to stay inthe house until he gets his promotion (March-ish) and then he can afford the house on his own. Did you guys set up ground rules? We have "no dating" and "keep communication open" as our big ones.

I am curious about how you are both moving on if you're still living together - I am afraid of misleading him or holding him back from moving on (though he told me his recent fitness/diet burst started because he knew he'd have to be back on the market in the near future, so it's obviously been on his mind).

What kind of friction/arguments have you had? We have had two discussions right off the bat. Nothing major, but typically when I go out with my gay friends he doesn't come because he's a giant and the bars are crowded and everyone is dancing, but he'll come pick me up. Prior to us dating I would sleep at their house - so what would he want me to do so that he didn't think I was breaking the "no dating" rule (not that I'm one to randomly meet a guy in a bar or anything)?

As a newbie to this situation, I'm trying to plan for potential pitfalls...

Best of luck in this craziness ending soon, to old timer and to all the others going through this same situation!
 

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I just started a similar situation, though we are both (seemingly) in agreemnet that divorce is the best option...

Short story: financially he needs me to stay inthe house until he gets his promotion (March-ish) and then he can afford the house on his own. Did you guys set up ground rules? We have "no dating" and "keep communication open" as our big ones.

I am curious about how you are both moving on if you're still living together - I am afraid of misleading him or holding him back from moving on (though he told me his recent fitness/diet burst started because he knew he'd have to be back on the market in the near future, so it's obviously been on his mind).

What kind of friction/arguments have you had? We have had two discussions right off the bat. Nothing major, but typically when I go out with my gay friends he doesn't come because he's a giant and the bars are crowded and everyone is dancing, but he'll come pick me up. Prior to us dating I would sleep at their house - so what would he want me to do so that he didn't think I was breaking the "no dating" rule (not that I'm one to randomly meet a guy in a bar or anything)?

As a newbie to this situation, I'm trying to plan for potential pitfalls...

Best of luck in this craziness ending soon, to old timer and to all the others going through this same situation!
Does "no dating" include say - one night stands? Or is he still eligible for... "nookie"?
 

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Does "no dating" include say - one night stands? Or is he still eligible for... "nookie"?
I'm not sure that he's ever had or ever desired a one-night stand, so I would say Yes, it does include that. I'm not looking for that either, and have never been much for "hooking up" or casual sex. If he found someone worth sleeping with, one night only or for a while, then I guess go for it - I'll deal with however that might make me feel and we move on. I think the no dating was more in terms of me not dating anyone, since I am the one who asked for the divorce and I am living in "his" house. I respect that and where it is coming from (and am moving out of state in a few months so wouldn't want to start anything anyway), so it's not a big problem for me.
 

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The ground rule I set (which caused much grumbling) is that pretty much absolutely no in person communication. The grumbling was "You can't be nice" blah blah, but I made the rule because every conversation seems to end in a fight at this point, and at least with email/text I can choose the fights -- and chose to let things go. I also chose that because then I have a record of everything said, period. That has been useful already.

We never discussed the dating thing, but I know she already went on dates. She's smart enough to not bring someone home. We both spend a lot of time outside the house and in shared areas like the den, kitchen, etc, basically we wait till one person is out before the other person comes in.

As the person being broken up with I still can't help but think of the crazy things she's doing with someone else, so I can't wait to get out and move on. But as a financially responsible guy (in history and also still paying for the mortgage on the house) I can't justify paying for two places. So we set a 'must move date' of a couple of months out, and I'm trying to pick a good date about a month out where I actually do the move. Mine is easy since I'm going apartment route and plenty around where I want to be, her's is more complex since she is going to a condo.
 

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I am a week and half into in house seperation though in most senses of the word we seperated a month ago, she just hadnt voiced it.

It's hard.

For me, I want to fix things and get my wife back and seeing her everyday, talking about things etc makes dealing with my issues without her painful. I'll find a way to do because I have to.

It means I don't lose contact with my kids and If I can find the strength to not beg etc, then she will be right there to see the man she married return. thats what I get out of it. I have been impossible to live with due to depression. Maybe despite saying otherwise she still cares but as the wronged party Tbh I am still figuring out what she gets from it other than the kids stability.

My situation does not involve cheating or abuse so it is different in its root cause and we seem to be doing well on the civilility etc in front of the kids (the kids know but we have promised them to let it effect them as little as possible), once they go to bed/school though we are pretty cool with each other (she is better at that than me so far) mostly being in seperate rooms and I find that very difficult to deal with if I am honest.
 
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