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Discussion Starter #1
Its a long story so hear goes :-

Been with my husband for 13 years, we have a little toddler also, as all couples we have had our ups and downs, but when you are good we are really good however when we are bad its bad! our sex life is pretty ok too!

Friday afternoon my husband called me askin me a favour to drive his worker home! (this favour was asked a few times before). I personally dont understand the need for this, he is grown man, he can catch the bus right!? instead of me goin out of my way at a not so convienent time. I flipped, ok i agree NOT a good reaction.. But after i still went for his worker but took him to the bus stop instead of all the way home, as he was in a rural part of town with a mega long walk to bus stop. So isnt that enough?

We argued via text msg, but then we cleared it. However (again i know this is my fault) i brought it up in conversation as to why the need to do this lift - taxi service thing he then he flipped! he dont see eye to eye on this, he believes his workers should be picked up and dropped off by car, while i think they should catch the bus! He then said its my attitude towards it!

At 8pm he stormed out, no bye nothing, few hrs later i msg him but no avail, he doesn return home till 6am, he went out clubbing and drinking!!!! I let him have a lay in, and went out for the day with my son, as i came home at 4pm, he was NOT home. So i called and left a msgs and again to NO avail. Ok he needs his space, but all night and day leaving me hanging, due to my attitude!?! who has the attitude now! His mum came over to see him, as it was planned but he still didnt come home by 7pm, she msgd him and he said he is ok at a friend but doesnt want to see me. SO i left him to it, and heard him come home at 1.30am.

Sunday i let him sleep in till 10am and then woke him up, as i wanted answers! i been waiting sincce fri evening. i told him its unaccepabtle for a father / husband to act this way. Everyone needs their space. but to go out gettin sloshed till 6am! is that fatherly? i told him when we argue and i need space i go to mum. He said but i have no where else to go becuase he family live abroad! He agreed his actions didnt help matter. This has happened b4. I said so everytime we argue this is how you will act, he said YES! so i gave him his ring back!
he said fine, bye!

We still livin together.. I am sleepin on sofa..

WHat do you guys think i should do ? :(
 

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Its a long story so hear goes :-

Been with my husband for 13 years, we have a little toddler also, as all couples we have had our ups and downs, but when you are good we are really good however when we are bad its bad! our sex life is pretty ok too!

Friday afternoon my husband called me askin me a favour to drive his worker home! (this favour was asked a few times before). I personally dont understand the need for this, he is grown man, he can catch the bus right!? instead of me goin out of my way at a not so convienent time. I flipped, ok i agree NOT a good reaction.. But after i still went for his worker but took him to the bus stop instead of all the way home, as he was in a rural part of town with a mega long walk to bus stop. So isnt that enough?

We argued via text msg, but then we cleared it. However (again i know this is my fault) i brought it up in conversation as to why the need to do this lift - taxi service thing he then he flipped! he dont see eye to eye on this, he believes his workers should be picked up and dropped off by car, while i think they should catch the bus! He then said its my attitude towards it!

At 8pm he stormed out, no bye nothing, few hrs later i msg him but no avail, he doesn return home till 6am, he went out clubbing and drinking!!!! I let him have a lay in, and went out for the day with my son, as i came home at 4pm, he was NOT home. So i called and left a msgs and again to NO avail. Ok he needs his space, but all night and day leaving me hanging, due to my attitude!?! who has the attitude now! His mum came over to see him, as it was planned but he still didnt come home by 7pm, she msgd him and he said he is ok at a friend but doesnt want to see me. SO i left him to it, and heard him come home at 1.30am.

Sunday i let him sleep in till 10am and then woke him up, as i wanted answers! i been waiting sincce fri evening. i told him its unaccepabtle for a father / husband to act this way. Everyone needs their space. but to go out gettin sloshed till 6am! is that fatherly? i told him when we argue and i need space i go to mum. He said but i have no where else to go becuase he family live abroad! He agreed his actions didnt help matter. This has happened b4. I said so everytime we argue this is how you will act, he said YES! so i gave him his ring back!
he said fine, bye!

We still livin together.. I am sleepin on sofa..

WHat do you guys think i should do ? :(
 

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thank you... i would like to also where my husband was immature and out of control?
storming out, engaging in a txt fight, staying out getting pissed, not discussing any of this with you like an adult.

JMHO but you asked for input.

Maybe you guys need to learn some strategies for positive communication.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
i totally agree.. he is under alot of work stress.. he cant cope, and he is down because of me and cant cope with it all, and he doesnt know where to turn !
 

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i totally agree.. he is under alot of work stress.. he cant cope, and he is down because of me and cant cope with it all, and he doesnt know where to turn !
Well you at least are looking for help, that's a start. Even though it is hard can you back off him till you guys work out what to do next or who to talk too?

You know in the scheme of things doing the pick up and drop off of the work guy should not have caused such a drama. Sometimes we all have to do things we don't want just to keep things ticking over.
He is under work stress as you say so how about not adding to that and just helping him with the worker drop off.

And never give your ring back or say things that are so final, that will only inflame the situation. Stop, think and take a breath before saying and doing things like this.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
what should i do about the ring? I gave it him, he has it. And he is a stubborn one, but i wont ask for it back. I believe i dont want it back right now and he probably feels the same!
 

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Discussion Starter #16
I am so stupid, i cant get over it :(
I sent him a msg saying that we are both insulted and hurt but perhaps we can meet over wknd to discuss this

BUT he doenst even reply!

This morning i went in 'our' bedroom where he was sleeping and then i was about to sit on bed near him and i said - can i ? he siad NO!

What on earth am i thinking?

Why do i try so hard? why am i not giving him space?
after i all i gave him ring back :/

I am so confused
 

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It sounds like you both badly need to work on your communication skills. From what you say, it sounds like any issue can escalate and become a lot bigger than it actually should. You can't 'flip' every time you don't agree on something. Getting angry and arguing with each other is just going to make things worse.
 

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Old saying will fit nicely here (and you may not like it) You BOTH need your heads banging together.

First off lets look at the root cause of the argument. Your partner wanted you to drop off one of his work staff. Therefore we may assume he is reasponsiblefor these people in a business sense. Smae people take their staffs care seriously and find that little things like dropping them at home is a "nice" thing to do to show appreaciation and can alos act as a think you for helping may be because their staff did something to help them.
Ive done the same many, many times.

You state you flipped and dropped the worker at the bus stop and then sent an angry msg via text to your partner - Thats not good at all. Texting in anger is worse that standing there saying something, it could really ahve waited until he came home but you reacted immeadiatly - If youd waited the situation may have calmed from your side of things and maybe there would not have been a huge argument. plus maybe taking the guy to his home may have been something your partner agreed to be cause the guy may have had an issue i.e. not cast for the bus! or a familiy issue at home and the lift home was a way of him getting there quicker. You didnt know this in anyway.
When asking for help here you had the response try anger management and the councilling. Yep this by the look of it is whats needed if you both react like this and certainly if you "flip". You called these replies Sarcasm which shows that you react without much thought. YOU asked for help and when that came your reacted.
If your partner is running a business or managing a section of a he may well be under stress which having you react is only adding to this. He went off and went clubbing and drinking, signs of trying to get away from an issue or number of issues. Coming home at the time he did No its not good and certainly not a role model for young children. he now drifting from the issue by staying away from you. After 13 years together in marridge this certainly seems like the marridge is heading downhill, yet when he comes home you appear to hit him with the fact that its not a fartherly thing to do, that when you need space you go to your mums HELLO! So leaving the marital home is done by you before - he points out his mother isnt here and therefore has had to find an alternaive to have his space, not right but in this case somewhat understandable. He after all has done what youve done - sought timeout away from the situation, remeber yo said YOU had done this previously. Then you throw your ring at him - That is a massive No No. You are in part throwing your partnership away, breaking the boan of marridge. The wedding ring is a sign of enternal love and togetherness. You both SERIOUSLY need to sit down and look at why you both react and in what why that reaction manifiests itself. Anger management is certainly needed and I think (im treading carefully here) its you who need to make a start there going by the description of the reactions here. You partner may need to talk about his own issues which are not fully clear here.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
I appreciate this, its an eye opener.

Perhaps i try talk to him tonight, apologies for my actions, and giving him the ring back. I only hope that he wont storm out for days after any given argument, that upset me alot.

Is it advisable i try talk to him tonight? or giev him more space?

I do believe i need some anegr management counselling and then maybe we can both attend marriage counselling together.
 
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