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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So here is my Story.

My Husband and me just got married a couple Months ago.
Im from another country and my husband is in the Military and was stationed were we met eachother.
We met, and shortly after that he left for a deployment.
This we were going through together and grew so close.
The day he came back was last year on my birthday!
The best birthday present ive ever got.
Weird soon i will be alone on my birthday, without my husband.
Than we started travelling alot and we had the best time in our lives and got married.
But it stopped from the moment when he got stationed back to the us.
1 Month was everything well while we were waiting that i can move to him.
So here it comes, i couldnt reach for 2 weeks and at the day he answered his phone he said without a reason that hes done and we are seperated!
One day later still the same.
And two days later i found out he is having an affair!
First i said nothing, and exactly 1 week later i flew over, because i tried to understand and wanted to work on everything .But i dont got to see him so stubborn he was.
He just got mad and said that he dont love me anymore and i should accept this.
And that im selfish, because if i would love him i would let him be happy with another woman!
My luck i was all the time with my wonderful mother in law because we have a really good realtionship.
She started to cry when she found out what was going on.
Its now 2 Months ago when everything started and i try to be strong, but its so hard.
He didnt talk to me since a week ago and we talked for hours.
But he kept saying i deserve better than him, and now he needs to live with what he did. And he cant go back. He also told me that hes listening to our songs and he cant delete all our memories.
Thats confusing me so much!
And he is still with the other woman who know that hes married.
I just thought when i found out that she know that "wow really!?"
Well im exhausted and i think he dont know what hes doing and he hurt himself.
I dont want to let him fall, because i made a promise a long ago when he deployed and when we got married. Through good and bad!!!
I just dont know what to do anymore and with who i can talk, because in my country nobody could help me, because they dont know how it is if someone is in the military.

I would be so thankful if someone could help me to feel better.
 

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So you are not in the US now?

There is not really a lot you can do right now except take care of yourself. He will have to come to his own decisions on this.

I suggest that you start interacting with him according to the 180 (see my signature block below). This will help you feel better and be stronger.

You need be strong and to tell him that if he wants to come back to you there are things he must do. For example he has to end all contact with the other woman. He has to work to get the two of you living in the same place.

There is a very good book that would help you out a lot "Surviving an Affair" by Dr. Harley. It tells you what you need to do.

The idea is that you take care of yourself, work on becoming the best person you can be. Over time either he will give up his affair and return to you or you will fall out of love with him and then you can divorce him.
 

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Well, right now she cannot be with him 'cause he's living with another woman in another country. Kinda makes it hard.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
No im not in the US right now.
Thats the hard part we did everything together, so i can move to the US, but the last paper i needed he dont will give me anymore, so i will never can stay for mor than 90 days.

I read alot in the net since that, what i can do.

He also dont regret to be with the other girl and that he cheated.

But at the next he say he never want to hurt me that much.

I saw something about the 180 but its kind of confusing i dont understand everything.

But i know i did since this everything to patient was not mean or something dont even yelled at him or used bad words,
so he now im not mean.
 

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He´s living back in the Us but is 5-6 flight hours away from her.

He met her when he was on his 30 leave after overseas and when he visited his mom.
So that means that he cannot see her often.

He seems to like distant relationships where he does not live near the woman. Maybe deep down he does not really want to live with any woman but instead have the freedom of a long distance relationship.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
So that means that he cannot see her often.

He seems to like distant relationships where he does not live near the woman. Maybe deep down he does not really want to live with any woman but instead have the freedom of a long distance relationship.
I dont think so because that was always a big problem for us when we wasnt together.

We enjoyed the time so much and it was everytime hard to say bye.

And the time we wasnt together we were on skype on the phone FB etc.
 

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I dont think so because that was always a big problem for us when we wasnt together.

We enjoyed the time so much and it was everytime hard to say bye.

And the time we wasnt together we were on skype on the phone FB etc.
That's still a long distance relationship. Of couse you enjoyed the time you were acutally together. Since you did not see eachother all the time it was exciting.

For some people once you live together and see each other every day, they do not want that

I am very sorry to say.. but if he wanted you with him he would move a mountain to get you with him. His actions have spoken. And you are too far away and have to access so it's very hard to fix this.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
That's still a long distance relationship. Of couse you enjoyed the time you were acutally together. Since you did not see eachother all the time it was exciting.

For some people once you live together and see each other every day, they do not want that

I am very sorry to say.. but if he wanted you with him he would move a mountain to get you with him. His actions have spoken. And you are too far away and have to access so it's very hard to fix this.
I think its a lower self esteem thing after deployment what he is going through and with the other girl he just cover it.

Because we wanted to be together that was the hardest for us!
And sometimes really stressy. Not to be.
We were on skype and had a little trouble.
but everything seems okay and kind of 5 days later it started.

And i cant understand why he told me he never want to hurt that much again how he did.
 

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People who have affairs are usually very confused. Then once they start the affair it's worse. They feel guilty, often hate themselves. AFfairs are usually not all the fun some people think they are.

What don't you understand about the 180?
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
People who have affairs are usually very confused. Then once they start the affair it's worse. They feel guilty, often hate themselves. AFfairs are usually not all the fun some people think they are.

What don't you understand about the 180?
Now i readed again.

And i understnad it. But im so far away and afraid to do that.

He said i can maybe see him this month so if its okay i will fly over.
And thought do the the 180 maybe over there but im only 2 weeks maybe there.

This situation is really so tricky
 
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