Sorry this is long.
I'm a male, and have been with my girlfriend for about ten years now. Most of my twenties. I don't really have anyone close male friends anymore, just a female (friends only). So I need to get this out here, hope some can take the time to read it all.
In my late teens, I dated a girl three years younger than me. I loved her, she was all I ever thought about. I, however, cheated on her, been young and horny, and her not so much so. We ended it, and after hearing some stroies about her, it was for the best.
When I first saw her, I knew I wanted her. I'm very picky and very few girls I see give me that feeling of attraction. About a year later, I found out this girl at the gym liked me. She was good looking, though not wow to me, but I heard she wasn't the brightest lol. Well I called her up, and the conversations went really well, surprisingly. However, she had a bf at the time, but he was a real jerk, up to no good, while her family was prim and proper. So the game of her taken, probably made it more interesting for me.
She eventually ended it with him, and we started dating. Like I said it was never "wow" with her, it was just comfortable. Which I probably should have ended it there, but I think somewhere in my life, something happened where I have a problem hurting someone. So I never ended it.
Fast forward about ten years, and we're still together. We got into a routine, it was comfortable, I think I battle/battled a bit of depression, so the years just kept going by.
I started talking to other girls a few years ago, which obviously wasn't right. Obviously if she ever found out it would hurt her more than breaking up with her. But at the same time, as terrible as it sounds, it made our relationship more 'okay' for me.
Now about three years ago, I tried to end it. And was really close to splitting up. But some things happened, and all the sudden we're back in the relationship. She just pretends it never happened, and everything is fine. Sure enough, about three months later, we have sex for the first time in about 6-9 months, and she gets pregnant (we used protection). Before the kid was born, I had another breakdown, trying to end it. But agreed to be there for the first while, and if I wanted to leave after a few months, okay. Well the kid was born, and it was great, and we get into a routine again.
Now our kid is 2.5. I get to see him everyday, and I couldn't imagine not having that. I can't imagine him having split parents, as my parents are still together. The thought of it kills me. And I also think about splitting, then say I find another girl who has a kid, we eventually move in, with her kid there full time, and my kid comes there part time. Like what it must be like for him to have to deal with that, and what he's thinking. Or what if I move in with someone, have a kid, and he's only visiting part time. It's like he's #2 now. I understand it's fairly common in today's society, but as someone who strides to be perfect, it kills me.
Now about our relationship. This is what makes everything so hard. We get along pretty good. We don't fight that much. However, we aren't affectionate towards each other at all. We have the same beliefs, and interests, which is why things aren't terible. She's a great mom, which believes in doing things the same way I do. But it's almost like we're roommates and not lovers.
Now I know after being together for ten years, some of the 'fire' is gone. But it's never really been there. I've never actually told her I love her. I have zero sexual attraction to her, and I feel terrible about that. We'll have sex like once a year. I have a lot going on right now, that it's not that big of deal to me, and time seems like it flies by. But at the same time, I think about having a girl, that I can't wait to rip her clothes off. Or I can't wait for her to come home from work. Or I can't wait to kiss her. Or I can't keep my hands off. Or I care to ask how her day was, or what I can do for her, etc. Someone I can't stop thinking about.
I'm really not nice to her, as sad as it sounds, I think I originally wasn't nice to her, so she would leave on her own. I don't ask how her day is or anything like that. When I tried to end it with her the first time, I told her all of this, that she deserves someone to treat her good, and care for her properly. But I think she's just happy with our little family (10 year old dog together too), and a roof on her head.
What's also hard is that she is probably closer to my family than she is with her own family. When I tried to end it the first time, my dad told me I'm stupid, and she's a million times too good for me (thanks for the support dad). When she gets made, she's say really ignorant names to me, and I also say them back. But she seems so innocent, so everyone that knows her, including my parents, think she is perfect.
I just don't know what to do, or if I can even end it if I wanted to. Feel like I will ruin her life if I end it. I know I only have one life and I need to be happy too. But sometimes I think I'd rather just stay like this, and let my kid grow up in a normal life, have another kid, and just be one big family. I love our kid, and love everything about it, and would love to have another one.
I mean we fight, which obviously isn't healthy, but it's not that frequent. In short, things are 'okay', not great obviously, but not terrible, which is why it makes things so difficult. As for trying to 'rekindle' the relationship, like I said, it was never really the greatest of relationships, that I think there's anything to rekindle.
I'm a male, and have been with my girlfriend for about ten years now. Most of my twenties. I don't really have anyone close male friends anymore, just a female (friends only). So I need to get this out here, hope some can take the time to read it all.
In my late teens, I dated a girl three years younger than me. I loved her, she was all I ever thought about. I, however, cheated on her, been young and horny, and her not so much so. We ended it, and after hearing some stroies about her, it was for the best.
When I first saw her, I knew I wanted her. I'm very picky and very few girls I see give me that feeling of attraction. About a year later, I found out this girl at the gym liked me. She was good looking, though not wow to me, but I heard she wasn't the brightest lol. Well I called her up, and the conversations went really well, surprisingly. However, she had a bf at the time, but he was a real jerk, up to no good, while her family was prim and proper. So the game of her taken, probably made it more interesting for me.
She eventually ended it with him, and we started dating. Like I said it was never "wow" with her, it was just comfortable. Which I probably should have ended it there, but I think somewhere in my life, something happened where I have a problem hurting someone. So I never ended it.
Fast forward about ten years, and we're still together. We got into a routine, it was comfortable, I think I battle/battled a bit of depression, so the years just kept going by.
I started talking to other girls a few years ago, which obviously wasn't right. Obviously if she ever found out it would hurt her more than breaking up with her. But at the same time, as terrible as it sounds, it made our relationship more 'okay' for me.
Now about three years ago, I tried to end it. And was really close to splitting up. But some things happened, and all the sudden we're back in the relationship. She just pretends it never happened, and everything is fine. Sure enough, about three months later, we have sex for the first time in about 6-9 months, and she gets pregnant (we used protection). Before the kid was born, I had another breakdown, trying to end it. But agreed to be there for the first while, and if I wanted to leave after a few months, okay. Well the kid was born, and it was great, and we get into a routine again.
Now our kid is 2.5. I get to see him everyday, and I couldn't imagine not having that. I can't imagine him having split parents, as my parents are still together. The thought of it kills me. And I also think about splitting, then say I find another girl who has a kid, we eventually move in, with her kid there full time, and my kid comes there part time. Like what it must be like for him to have to deal with that, and what he's thinking. Or what if I move in with someone, have a kid, and he's only visiting part time. It's like he's #2 now. I understand it's fairly common in today's society, but as someone who strides to be perfect, it kills me.
Now about our relationship. This is what makes everything so hard. We get along pretty good. We don't fight that much. However, we aren't affectionate towards each other at all. We have the same beliefs, and interests, which is why things aren't terible. She's a great mom, which believes in doing things the same way I do. But it's almost like we're roommates and not lovers.
Now I know after being together for ten years, some of the 'fire' is gone. But it's never really been there. I've never actually told her I love her. I have zero sexual attraction to her, and I feel terrible about that. We'll have sex like once a year. I have a lot going on right now, that it's not that big of deal to me, and time seems like it flies by. But at the same time, I think about having a girl, that I can't wait to rip her clothes off. Or I can't wait for her to come home from work. Or I can't wait to kiss her. Or I can't keep my hands off. Or I care to ask how her day was, or what I can do for her, etc. Someone I can't stop thinking about.
I'm really not nice to her, as sad as it sounds, I think I originally wasn't nice to her, so she would leave on her own. I don't ask how her day is or anything like that. When I tried to end it with her the first time, I told her all of this, that she deserves someone to treat her good, and care for her properly. But I think she's just happy with our little family (10 year old dog together too), and a roof on her head.
What's also hard is that she is probably closer to my family than she is with her own family. When I tried to end it the first time, my dad told me I'm stupid, and she's a million times too good for me (thanks for the support dad). When she gets made, she's say really ignorant names to me, and I also say them back. But she seems so innocent, so everyone that knows her, including my parents, think she is perfect.
I just don't know what to do, or if I can even end it if I wanted to. Feel like I will ruin her life if I end it. I know I only have one life and I need to be happy too. But sometimes I think I'd rather just stay like this, and let my kid grow up in a normal life, have another kid, and just be one big family. I love our kid, and love everything about it, and would love to have another one.
I mean we fight, which obviously isn't healthy, but it's not that frequent. In short, things are 'okay', not great obviously, but not terrible, which is why it makes things so difficult. As for trying to 'rekindle' the relationship, like I said, it was never really the greatest of relationships, that I think there's anything to rekindle.