I would like to ask your advise or opinion on a question that needs some clearing for me ... is it possible at all to find a way to feel "like a woman" while staying in a marriage where my sexual needs are quite constantly not met and without cheating? I mean without discussing anything with my husband and waiting actions from his part. Let me explain a bit.
The thing is, I'm 33 woman with HD, being married for 6yrs now with 10 yrs older man. Either due to his LD or porn addiction or both together (these wouldn't exist together, would they...
) my sexual needs have been poorly met over at least 4 yrs of that time. I don't remember anymore how it feels to kiss properly or how does it feel to be taken with passion, spontaneously. I've changed from feeling normal confident young sexy woman, curious in sex life into a grey shadow with low self-esteem and whole bunch of complexes. For long time I tried to figure out what I was doing wrong or thought that I'm just so ugly naked or something. Thanks to all the people sharing their own stories in forums I've understood that with a quite big certainty I can suspect that the problem doesn't lie with me.
Yes, I have tried to talk about it repeatedly, he won't really engage. I've been to a counselor who again suggested to talk to him, same result, sad face and silence. Yes, he seems to be very sad that the situation has such an impact on me and even promises to try to change but after a couple of weeks it usually falls into its old routine. As I see it, it is not him having a problem so he thinks that he can get away from getting on bottom of the whole lot of a painful staff. I think it comes from his family, they are masters of pretending that everything is alright when it's not. If I push him a lot then he finds all the reasons why we can't go to the counselling together or him alone, why we can't make love because of the kids or being tired etc.
Sure it makes me angry and hurts me like hell but the reality is that I cannot make him change if he doesn't want to. Here, what I can do is to decide whether to stay or leave. You see, this is my second marriage, I know how painful it is to go through it all and I know that I'm not there yet. He is a good man. He loves me and cares about me a lot, probably not enough to go through all those scary discussions and changes etc. but it's not like there is mr. perfect waiting for me around the corner, not to mention that I don't fancy the idea of being a single mum once again.
So here I am, probably asking advice on mission impossible
Would there be a chance for me to feel like an attractive sexual human being while staying in that marriage? At the moment I have so much anger in me for "wasting my young years on him being an old lady" that I just shut him out more and more so that he wouldn't get too close to hurt me. It doesn't work, still hurts
Would it help if I'd engage in some hobby outside home so that at least partly my mind would be occupied with something else? How do I get rid of all that anger? Probably have to start punching the boxing bag or something...
The thing is, I'm 33 woman with HD, being married for 6yrs now with 10 yrs older man. Either due to his LD or porn addiction or both together (these wouldn't exist together, would they...
Yes, I have tried to talk about it repeatedly, he won't really engage. I've been to a counselor who again suggested to talk to him, same result, sad face and silence. Yes, he seems to be very sad that the situation has such an impact on me and even promises to try to change but after a couple of weeks it usually falls into its old routine. As I see it, it is not him having a problem so he thinks that he can get away from getting on bottom of the whole lot of a painful staff. I think it comes from his family, they are masters of pretending that everything is alright when it's not. If I push him a lot then he finds all the reasons why we can't go to the counselling together or him alone, why we can't make love because of the kids or being tired etc.
Sure it makes me angry and hurts me like hell but the reality is that I cannot make him change if he doesn't want to. Here, what I can do is to decide whether to stay or leave. You see, this is my second marriage, I know how painful it is to go through it all and I know that I'm not there yet. He is a good man. He loves me and cares about me a lot, probably not enough to go through all those scary discussions and changes etc. but it's not like there is mr. perfect waiting for me around the corner, not to mention that I don't fancy the idea of being a single mum once again.
So here I am, probably asking advice on mission impossible
Would it help if I'd engage in some hobby outside home so that at least partly my mind would be occupied with something else? How do I get rid of all that anger? Probably have to start punching the boxing bag or something...