This is my first ever post anywhere... I have read and researched and prayed and cried. My story: I found out through a long drawn out process that my spouse is having an affair. I've had a few D-Day's because first it was "emotional" then "just kissing" then "sex only 5 times" then finally the truth (or what I think is now the truth) A full blown affair for the past 18 months with a mutual friend. I have tried everything. Read everything. But I just can't take the pain anymore and I need a resolution. I want to stay married. I do not want to lose may marriage. I deeply love my spouse and know that I can forgive but my spouse has thus far not ended the affair. So after all the Plan A's and Plan B's and my therapy and my spouse's therapy, I have said I am letting go... that as long as the AP is still in my spouse's life, I am no longer an option. I did this yesterday then proceeded to get drunk to escape and wake up to realization that letting go hurts just as bad or worse because I am still so in love. My head tells me to move forward and take care of myself but my heart loves and is hopeful that something will change. My spouse cried when I gave my "I'm Letting You Go" letter and today has told me that "I think you are making a mistake. If I loved my AP more I would be with them"... That my spouse intends to cut off contact with the AP and myself and go to a family members home to get stronger with the intention of being a better spouse. Hopeful right? Just up until I asked if my spouse were to stay home (because there might be a possibility that staying with family is not an option) would they still cut off contact with the AP while at home. The answer was "I don't know". Then "It doesn't matter because my AP broke it off with me this week for not leaving you". Now I'm rambling. I don't know what I'm looking for here. Support? Advice? a Friend? or just to get some of it out and vent. All I know is "Just Letting Go" is not easy when you are still in love.