[filo123]

My wife and I have been married for 3 years. no kids. Both 26 yrs old. Dated for 2 years prior to marriage.

Am I being unreasonable?

Once a month my side of the family gets together, either at my parents or at one of my siblings' houses. We have some food and have a bible study and then we just hang around. It is the only time we all get to be together.

My wife dislikes the idea of us getting together for the bible study. She says she feels uncomfortable. We belong to the same religion just different congregation from the rest of my family. She says she has nothing against my family.

I tell her that the reason I like to go is because it is the only time I see them all. Not necessarily because of the bible study and my family wants to see her too.

After many discussions about the situation I told her that if she didn't want to go with me than that was fine. That I would go by myself.

Now she is upset because she says that my family will think bad of her. My response was that I felt it is unfair of her to expect me not to spend time with my family just because she felt uncomfortable going. I wasn't asking her to go with me anymore.

She responded back to me that it doesn't feel good to think that others will think bad of her, but she also doesn't wasn't want me to feel that she is keeping me away from my family.

I told her that i've known my family for a long time and although they would be saddened that she wasn't going anymore they would not think negatively about her.

After a while she responds back to me telling me that she does everything possible for her family to think well of me. That her family thinks of her as "the angry one" "the one who doesn't cook" "the one who causes the problems" and that it doesn't bother her that they think so of her because that way they will like me. And on the other hand, I do not return the favor to her.

I have never talked bad about her to my family or anyone.

Am I being unreasonable? I feel manipulated.

 

[Maricha75]

Ok, I'm confused... she does everything to make her family think well of you and in doing so, they think of HER as "the angry one" or "the one who doesn't cook" or "the one who causes the problems"?? Did I miss something? If she has to work hard to sell you to her family, there is something wrong in the whole situation. She shouldn't HAVE to work hard to make them like you...and certainly not at the risk of making them DISLIKE HER! That still causes a wedge.

She, IMO, is trying to manipulate you to NOT spend time with your family. What about the visits with your family does she object to? Is it really just the Bible study? Really, it doesn't make sense that there is a problem since you belong to the same denomination. Or... perhaps she has merely been going through the motions? That COULD account for the dislike of the Bible studies...

But, no, IMO, you are NOT being unreasonable, based on what you have written here.

 

[filo123]

I don't feel that she has had the need to "sell" me to her family. Her family has always liked me.

I don't understand that argument of hers. How is it my fault that they know that she doesn't want to cook, that she is easily angered. How is that my fault. They knew this about her even before we where married. Her family has actually told us that she has bettered in these aspects since being married.

I remember other occasion where we have gone to my grandparents anniversary party, brothers babyshower, etc and she always finds and excuse to go home. "I have a headache, My stomach hurts, I need to do some chores" etc.

However, when we go to her family's houses, I don't complain, we are there as long as she wants. and we go around 2-3 times per week.