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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
I screwed up major with the perfect girl for me. Ive known her most of my life but then we reconnected and started a relationship. My prior relationship involved a little girl that i considered my daughter. My girlfriend said she accepted that i felt that way about her. what girl really does that 100%? that was my problem. I never gave her the chance to show me that she was in fact different. because of that i didn't talk about the little girl as often as i really wanted to with her, instead i mentioned her to an old ex. and when argument happened between me and my girlfriend, id vent to this old ex making my girlfriend look like the one at fault. the ex meant nothing but an ear to listen to me that i didn't care to ****s about but i know it wouldn't seem like it when id turn to her frequently to vent... to add to the fire. my girlfriend allowed me to go to disneyland to spend time with the little girl but i had told her the grandparents were going to be there too and they ended up canceling but i never mentioned that. long story short that was my ex girlfriends way of letting me a last day with the little girl before she took her out of my life... i felt that showing the world i was happy with my current girlfriend meant that the little girl meant nothing to me and id feel like i was abandoning her... i was so insecure about that. just recently I've accepted that she is no longer in my life ad made peace with myself and want to concentrate on my relationship but i feel like i might've damaged it beyond repair an I'm so scared to lose her. I've cut ties with everyone that she had any slight suspicion with, no questions asked, she has seen a difference in me but doesn't know anymore if she feels like I'm the one for her. she sees our relationship as a negative chapter in her life and I'm trying to prove to her that i can make us a positive story and that ill love her the way she has always deserved. I don't want to lose her and i wish see could see that i am in fact a good person and just wish i trusted her more with my feelings from the beginning. i was always a commitment phobe until now. she is my everything. i just didn't believe that any girl would be ok with me dragging along stories from a past relationship of the little girl that i cared so much for. i hope we can heal the trust i broke. once it all came out, she went through my phone and Facebook and saw that i have been flirty with other women. Admit that i can joke around and it comes across flirty with other women and would sometime tease on purpose but i would never act on it, it was just game to me. that of course didn't help the situation and i never saw the consequences of my actions. but boy do i see them now and i look it from a different perspective. i am genuinely sorry that i ever disrespected our relationship. i have cut ties and stopped talking in anyway that i feel may be taken as persuasive to other women. I am so much happier with myself now but i am still so scared to lose her. I am ready to show her that she means everything and that i am deserving at another chance of trust. she said she's willing to try to figure it out but the chance that she may walk still scares the hell out of me
 

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Hello! I think that you need to start taking some responsibility here . I've noticed your wording such as ' my gf allowed me to do it'. It would be helpful for self to say ' I chose to do this' and stop shifting the blame on her. Just a thought. Take care.


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Discussion Starter #3
I take full responsibility. i didn't mean that in a way to blame her in the least. I said it as an example of how understanding she was to allow me to spend some time with the little girl knowing id be around my ex. she blindly trusted me. you're right that i chose to not tell her the exact circumstances bc i was afraid she wouldn't be ok with me going and i wouldn't be able to spend time with the little girl that i considered my daughter. time that i knew was limited and i cherished every minute
 

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she said she's willing to try to figure it out but the chance that she may walk still scares the hell out of me
So treat her everyday like it is the last day you will ever spend with her. She has offered you the precious gift of a second chance. Treat it as such.
 

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Discussion Starter #7 (Edited)
How exactly did you cheat? Physically or the emotional connection to the ex gf?
emotionally. and just the fact that i kept it from my girlfriend. I never had any new attraction to my ex she was literally just basically a diary when i wanted to vent. I met up with her on 2 or 3 occasions to exchange some photography tips but the second we met up we went our own separate directions. so nothing ever happened or came close to happening, just the fact that i hid it makes it seem like something more was going on. the other major disappointment to my girlfriend was that when i went to disneyland with my ex and her daughter, I made little to no effort to contact her. My excuse for that is that i was trying to not cause any sour mood with the ex that i was hanging out with for fear that she would take any time that i had left with the little girl away. its hard for somebody to understand when you say you consider a kid that isn't yours as your own but thats what she was to me and i caused so much harm in my current relationship trying to hold on to her for dear life
 

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It's NOT about the little girl & it's NOT about her not being biologically yours. This is ALL about your behavior. Running to another woman to criticize & rant about your gf is a kind of cheating.

Telling lies & neglecting her can't easily be excused with "I didn't want to upset my ex!" REALLY? You couldn't send her a few photos during the day & find a little while to chat with her in the evening?!? WHY? Were you sharing a room with your ex? This doesn't make sense to me.

If your gf came here & told this story from her point of view we would all be telling her that you're not finished with your ex & her blind trust & love for you is misplaced! We would be wondering why on earth she trusted you so much to let you go on vacation with your ex. Your lies would prove us right!

She's not married to you. There aren't kids holding you together. You don't seem to of done much to prove that you're a man worthy of her love. You're a very, very lucky man!! Now it's your job to make her feel as trusted, loved & cherished as she does you. Start being open & honest with her. That's how you become a strong couple.

Deal with your relationship issues together. That's how you grow as a couple. Running to another woman & sharing the details of your PRIVATE life is a very bad habit to start. It leads to all kinds of problems & weakens your relationship. Come back when you're having a full-on affair with a coworker because 'it just happened! She had a sympathetic ear & you never meant to cross the line!'.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Thank, You have been the most honest and helpful reply.
In the end you're absolutely right. I should've never turn to anybody else but my girlfriend. I should've trusted her with my feelings.
I am long finished with my ex's. sad that it came late but I have learned a lot after putting our relationship through hell. I have accepted losing that little girl.
I had a codependent relationship with the little girl, i put her ahead of everything and that meant sometimes putting her mom there too. but there was nothing there that i was trying to rekindle or keep . i simply did everything possible to keep that little girl in my life but that chapter is closed.

I realized i had the best thing in my life in front of my eyes all along.
I honestly don't deserve her but i will do everything in my power to change that.
she will never go a day where she has to second guess my love and devotion to her.
I made countless horrible decisions and i scarred the one girl that loved me through thick and thin.
she deserves the world from me and theres nothing i wouldn't do to prove it to her.
I can honestly she has changed me into a better man. not some coward liar thats afraid to open up.

You're right, I am truly lucky that she will even still talk just talk to me.
It is my turn to be more than what she deserves.

Thank you for your brutal honesty
 

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Talk to your girlfriend the same way you post here. For Gods sake, cut out your ex and her daughter. If I was your girlfriend, I would have dumped you! You have an unhealthy attachment to this little girl and your ex. You are bad-mouthing your girlfriend to this ex. You are cheating emotionally with your ex and spending time with her daughter which should be time that you spend with your girlfriend. Yeah, I would say that you screwed up big time. You need not only apologize, but change your behavior.
 

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You were 'having a codependent relationship with the child'.

No. You were not.

You bonded with her. And she with you. That's natural.

And you spent to much time whining to her mother about your current love interest. Which was foolish.

Please do not blame the innocent child by saying that she was "codependent" because that is BS.
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