Hi, I am new.. and it's almost midnight so I'll write what I can.
I have just spent 10 minutes crying in the bathroom, alone.. I wish I could die from depression.
I have been diagnosed with BPD. My husband is.. boring, I don't see any sparks anymore. We've been married for 5 years. And every day it's getting up in the morning, go to work, back home, eat whatever in front of and watch tv, and go to sleep.
And to top it off, my mother-in-law and my brother-in-law live with us.
I used to have a better life. Better in sense I lived in the moment and happy with my life. I lived in a condo (rent) and work part-time. Before that, I had it worse. I moved to a new country, but then my husband worked out of town. He would come home twice a month. I had no drivers license and public transportation was scarce. I had no friends either. I was isolated.
Husband decided to buy a house. All under his name and with his money since I had 0 dollars.
A year or so after, he got fired. But the house was already bought.
He got another job, lower salary and started working in town, and I got a part-time job since he was able to drive me. This was the happy life. Until I had to move to the new house, I had to leave the job that I liked to the job that I hated. I tried to commit suicide by drinking a lot, hopefully I'd get alcohol poisoning, didn't work.
I needed a job because husband asked me to contribute to the house.
Few months later, I got a better job. Then I started Hep C treatment and because of my boring life and chemical imbalance, I went back into depression. Attempted suicide twice, got admitted in psychiatry unit and lost my job.
It was hard for both of us but husband did not show any emotional distress that made me think he did not care. I know he does.
I tried to get another job but nothing that I liked. And with depression, it was difficult to get up every morning and go to work. It was a fight. I got fired, looked for another job and got fired again.
By then, my husband had been talking about how his mom paid so much rent and his brother (a 25+ year old who does nothing and depends on her, basically a spoilt brat, called his mom ***hole few times) did not help. I am pretty intuitive and my gut told me that he wanted his mom to live in the house and help pay mortgage. He also promised me that he would do more things with me since he would be able to save more money.
I finally said yes. But things do not get better. My life is still boring.
I get disgusted with my brother-in-law. He does not work, lives off his mom, does not clean.. My mother-in-law.. well, we're different but I respect her.
Last year, my husband told me that he lost his high salary job because of me. Yes, I might have been nagging. I tried to get him a job where he wouldn't have to work so far away, my dad has good networks. He refused. But I felt isolated. Can you blame me?
I was a spoiled yet emotionally abused as a child. My parents provided materials for me, but my mom had her own problems and always took it on me (the yelling, shouting, bullying).
I have a job now. Low income, physically demanding, no need for degree. I wish I could get a better job with a degree but I feel ok. My days are fine, but my nights and weekends when I get to be home, are my nightmares.
I have not explained things very clearly, but I do hope you get the picture.
I have just spent 10 minutes crying in the bathroom, alone.. I wish I could die from depression.
I have been diagnosed with BPD. My husband is.. boring, I don't see any sparks anymore. We've been married for 5 years. And every day it's getting up in the morning, go to work, back home, eat whatever in front of and watch tv, and go to sleep.
And to top it off, my mother-in-law and my brother-in-law live with us.
I used to have a better life. Better in sense I lived in the moment and happy with my life. I lived in a condo (rent) and work part-time. Before that, I had it worse. I moved to a new country, but then my husband worked out of town. He would come home twice a month. I had no drivers license and public transportation was scarce. I had no friends either. I was isolated.
Husband decided to buy a house. All under his name and with his money since I had 0 dollars.
A year or so after, he got fired. But the house was already bought.
He got another job, lower salary and started working in town, and I got a part-time job since he was able to drive me. This was the happy life. Until I had to move to the new house, I had to leave the job that I liked to the job that I hated. I tried to commit suicide by drinking a lot, hopefully I'd get alcohol poisoning, didn't work.
I needed a job because husband asked me to contribute to the house.
Few months later, I got a better job. Then I started Hep C treatment and because of my boring life and chemical imbalance, I went back into depression. Attempted suicide twice, got admitted in psychiatry unit and lost my job.
It was hard for both of us but husband did not show any emotional distress that made me think he did not care. I know he does.
I tried to get another job but nothing that I liked. And with depression, it was difficult to get up every morning and go to work. It was a fight. I got fired, looked for another job and got fired again.
By then, my husband had been talking about how his mom paid so much rent and his brother (a 25+ year old who does nothing and depends on her, basically a spoilt brat, called his mom ***hole few times) did not help. I am pretty intuitive and my gut told me that he wanted his mom to live in the house and help pay mortgage. He also promised me that he would do more things with me since he would be able to save more money.
I finally said yes. But things do not get better. My life is still boring.
I get disgusted with my brother-in-law. He does not work, lives off his mom, does not clean.. My mother-in-law.. well, we're different but I respect her.
Last year, my husband told me that he lost his high salary job because of me. Yes, I might have been nagging. I tried to get him a job where he wouldn't have to work so far away, my dad has good networks. He refused. But I felt isolated. Can you blame me?
I was a spoiled yet emotionally abused as a child. My parents provided materials for me, but my mom had her own problems and always took it on me (the yelling, shouting, bullying).
I have a job now. Low income, physically demanding, no need for degree. I wish I could get a better job with a degree but I feel ok. My days are fine, but my nights and weekends when I get to be home, are my nightmares.
I have not explained things very clearly, but I do hope you get the picture.