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I've already written about being in a codependent marriage for the last several years, and that my long term depression and low self esteem have contributed to my wife losing some feeling for me. We're working on things, but are basically in a holding pattern until my wife gets more things "figured out".

We had our first argument ever (in 10 years of marriage) last week. I actually felt pretty good letting some anger out, and I was happy she was getting a lot of built-up resentment for me out on the table too. But everything got derailed when she mentioned that 1) our daughters might benefit from being raised or having much more exposure in her country; 2) She needs to return to her country more often, but I am not welcome to go with her; 3) She is starting to think more fondly again for the guy she had the affair with in June (he lives in her country).

Well, when she said the kids might benefit from being raised in her country, I LOST IT!! I said " you will NOT take my kids away from me", but I started crying and I left the room for another part of the house. She eventually came after me but only said "I'm not rescuing you from this. I won't take the kids away" and then she left. I've been so much stronger lately than I've ever been, but a wave of grief spread over me when I thought of being separated from my girls and that my wife doesn't want me to go there on a family vacation, when that was a huge sticking point in our marriage before--she wanted me to go, but I only went one time and never tried hard to make time to return. I have seen the error of that (I really do want to go), but now it seems it's too late. Now I regret breaking down and showing her some weakness, because I honestly believe she thinks I'm too weak.

Well, the next day turned out great--like back to old times. On the spur of the moment I got a babysitter and asked my wife to wear my favorite red dress, and we went out for dinner and a movie. The spark and attraction between us was noticeable, and we ended up having the craziest, maybe best sex we've ever had. The following day, she was back to being distant. She talks a lot about how she hates the emotional roller coaster from me, but now with her "detaching" from codependency with me, I'm feeling the same damn roller coaster from her!! I know in my heart if I can show that I am working on being strong, a little more independent and that I can show her some stability and passion things will slowly get better over time, but my wife keeps saying she's worried that she doesn't have enough patience to wait for very long....

Anyone have some advice? I'm trying to just calm down and take things day by day.
 
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