[justneedtotalk]

I just got married about a month ago. My husband and I met each other on the internet on a Christian web site. We fell in love very quickly and we were married just 4-months after meeting. I am originally from Florida, my kids and I have moved to wv to form a new life with my husband. In the beggining, which is odd to say it's still the beggining...things were okay. I have always been a very independant woman and have done pretty good at providing for my two children. After the honeymoon which by the way was very nice. My husband treated me with respect and was very loving, it seemed to be all about me.

Now we have settled into real life and I have to say it has not been so easy. I am discovering that he is very controlling, does not really care that I have an opinion on things. It has been a very brutal change for me and my children. Because of this most nights I get up in the middle of the night and I cry and pray that things will get better. Our sex life is probally the only thing that is okay for now. I feel like im living in a jail without bars. I have tried to talk to him about it but he gets very defensive and raises his voice. He will ask me questions like am I happy and honestly expects me to lie, because If I tell him the truth he gets frustrated and says "he's done with this" instead of addressing the issue. I almost hate being married and this is not the idea that I had going in to this. Im so depressed and almost wish I could go back to Florida.

 

[A Bit Much]

Do you guys have a church home? You mentioned you met on a Christian site, so I thought I'd ask.

I'm sure now you feel as if you may have rushed things. I find that people who meet long distance tend to romanticize their relationships, and then when they are actually together 24/7 the reality is nothing like the fantasy they built up over time. This may be what's happening to both of you. The rose colored glasses have come off, and you actually SEE one another as you are.

 

[Trying2figureitout]

Sounds like an emotional abuser... I'd do something about it and straighten him out from Month 1 forward. Talk to the church head and figure out a course of action.

If its bad now its only going to get worse and build resentment.

Needs addressed or you have no real marriage.
Set boundaries NOW! Also really think if you want to spend the rest of your life with him....there is a lemon law you know.

Sound like you rushed into things...didn't look before the leap...it happens. So fix it.

 

[justneedtotalk]

Do you guys have a church home? You mentioned you met on a Christian site, so I thought I'd ask.

I'm sure now you feel as if you may have rushed things. I find that people who meet long distance tend to romanticize their relationships, and then when they are actually together 24/7 the reality is nothing like the fantasy they built up over time. This may be what's happening to both of you. The rose colored glasses have come off, and you actually SEE one another as you are.

In response to your comment...yes we are attending church. I love my husband for who he is and am willing to Grow with him. What I can't get use to is feeling like I do not exsist anymore. He doesn't let me have an opinion on things and I feel like he really doesn't care about me on the inside. He gets home jumps on Facebook or any internet escape. I feel more alone now than when I was single, at least when I was single we went to church and participated in activities with other people. My vow to God is to important to me so does it mean I will live this Pseudo prison life till death do us part?

 

[Prodigal]

He gets home jumps on Facebook or any internet escape. I feel more alone now than when I was single, at least when I was single we went to church and participated in activities with other people.

So let me get this straight: he comes home and immediately tunes you out. Are you not permitted to leave the house??? Why can't you go to church activities without him, such as women's ministry get-togethers?

I don't have much information to go on. Do you have use of a car? Can you do the grocery shopping alone? Are you allowed to choose what the family eats for dinner?

I can't discern if your actually not being permitted to leave the house, or if the main problem is that your husband ignores you when he's home.

 

[justneedtotalk]

So let me get this straight: he comes home and immediately tunes you out. Are you not permitted to leave the house??? Why can't you go to church activities without him, such as women's ministry get-togethers?

I don't have much information to go on. Do you have use of a car? Can you do the grocery shopping alone? Are you allowed to choose what the family eats for dinner?

I can't discern if your actually not being permitted to leave the house, or if the main problem is that your husband ignores you when he's home.

Its not that I am not allowed too its that he has taken full control over everything, the house, the children, the finances, where we go, what we do I have exploded a few times in frustration of how all this has made me feel. I went from being completely independant to non-existant in a matter of 5-months. If I say something to object his plans, or to vent I am being "dramatic" he said that he was clear in the beggining that he did not want any drama. If I disagree with him, I am going against what I originally said I wanted in a relashionship which was a Christian man to lead our home, He behaves like a dictator and I have mentioned this to him and he thinks Im crazy and says that maybe I need to go to the doctor cause I may be bipolar. Yeah...that's convienient. I don't want to be a failure in this I want to give it all I have but I'm so frustrated and feel so trapped right now.

 

[A Bit Much]

There is no shame in admitting you made a mistake. None whatsoever.

If you're in church, try getting counseling there with your pastor. His behavior isn't Christian and I'm sorry but he can be as much of a liar on a Christian site as he could be on Match.com or whatever. It sounds like you've been decieved.