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Discussion Starter #1
I am going crazy. It has been six weeks since I found out about the affair and he does not understand why I do not want to "be" with him. I have been cold and very distant, I do not want to snuggle or be touched by him. I am still trying to figure out what the hell I am going to do. How can I be compassionate and understanding when all I am trying to do is survive. I am house sitting the next few days for a friend from work and I am getting accused of "planning" a good time. Yes, I told him, some peace and quiet to try to clear my head. He suggested a bottle of wine and a nice evening, I said "we will see". At this point it isn't about him anymore, it is about what I need. Is that so wrong? Am I really being so out of line? I can barely function. WTF am I suppose to do??????
 

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I don't think that you are out of line. I mean, he's the one who had an affair, not you. You deserve to have some time for yourself, everybody does. He may be insecure about you now, because I know that often times a cheating spouses will become extra suspicious of their spouse.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Thank you Jewel. We just got done talking again and he thinks I am going to go out and "do" someone to hurt him, because that is just the way I am, according to him. That sure helps the situation.........Why can't I just say it is over and I am done? What am I afraid of................
 

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I am going crazy. It has been six weeks since I found out about the affair and he does not understand why I do not want to "be" with him. I have been cold and very distant, I do not want to snuggle or be touched by him. I am still trying to figure out what the hell I am going to do. How can I be compassionate and understanding when all I am trying to do is survive. I am house sitting the next few days for a friend from work and I am getting accused of "planning" a good time. Yes, I told him, some peace and quiet to try to clear my head. He suggested a bottle of wine and a nice evening, I said "we will see". At this point it isn't about him anymore, it is about what I need. Is that so wrong? Am I really being so out of line? I can barely function. WTF am I suppose to do??????
Do what you have been doing. You need healing in your mind and soul first. He is being selfish yet again. He can wait, you can't.

draconis
 

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Thank you Jewel. We just got done talking again and he thinks I am going to go out and "do" someone to hurt him, because that is just the way I am, according to him. That sure helps the situation.........Why can't I just say it is over and I am done? What am I afraid of................
You have loved him so long that you still have love for him. You have no resolution and it makes the situation all the more difficult.

draconis
 

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Thank you Jewel. We just got done talking again and he thinks I am going to go out and "do" someone to hurt him, because that is just the way I am, according to him. That sure helps the situation.........Why can't I just say it is over and I am done? What am I afraid of................
That's just the way you are? Gee, that helps put you in the mood.

You need some time to yourself, some space away from him. Does he respond at all to being told to back off a little? It's good you have the house-sitting coming up. Don't respond to his prodding. Answer the phone sparingly. Really give yourself some time while you're alone.
 

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Thank you Jewel. We just got done talking again and he thinks I am going to go out and "do" someone to hurt him, because that is just the way I am, according to him. That sure helps the situation.........Why can't I just say it is over and I am done? What am I afraid of................
NOw let me get this straight...

He is trying to work things out because he thinks you will go out and have sex with someone else to get back at him? It sounds like you have bigger problems that his affair. It sounds like there are some general inequalities, tied to his sense of entitlement, that he thoroughly expects you to accept.

I say you should proceed as you see fit...and consider getting a good divorce attorney. There is no excuse for his reasoning, in this day and age! If he didn't want you seeking fulfillment elsewhere then he shouldn't hae had the affair...pu-leeeze!
 

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It sounds like you have bigger problems that his affair. It sounds like there are some general inequalities, tied to his sense of entitlement, that he thoroughly expects you to accept.
Very well put.

And I'd like to add: I think he's projecting a bit.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
First of all I would like to take this opprotunity to thank everyone for their feedback, support and for just being here for me, especially when I feel so alone. No one should have to go through this, however, that is not reality.
 
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