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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi everyone and thank you for your replies they are much needed or else I wouldn't be here writing this now...

I am 24 years old and married. I decided to leave my husband last October 2011. It is now almost August 2012 and I still haven't proceeded with our divorce.

The decision to get divorced was mine, but I can't seem to get myself to go to the court and start the process.

I have the paperwork and I finally got my husband to sign the papers in January.

I tell myself everyday that I am going to go to court. Today comes and I tell myself tomorrow. Tomorrow comes and I tell myself next Monday I'll do it, but its been MONTHS almost a year and I still haven't =-/

Why can't I bring myself to go to court and start the process? Our divorce will be simpler than most seeing as we were married less than 5 years, have no mutual debt or property, or kids. So why can't I make the leap and drive down to the courtroom? I KNOW I don't want to be with him, thats not the issue at all...so what is?

I wish I could just snap my fingers and be divorced ='( Any advice is much appreciated.

Thanks <3
24andseparating
 

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Why the divorce?
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Honestly, I think we both weren't ready for marriage and didn't know each other that well. We rushed into it and I didn't like the man I got to know as time went on. I moved in with him after knowing him for merely a month and a half. Six months later we got married. And a year and a half later we separated. It was definitely blind love because there were many red flags I just failed to see.

We've been separated for almost 10 months now and I do not want to work things out with him. Any advice as to why I can't start my divorce process now that I have his signature?

It sounds stupid even to me. I'm the one who wants the divorce, I know I am not in love with him anymore, but I can't get myself to start the process.

I just want to be divorced already, but can't get myself to take the next step. I don't understand... ='(
 

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If you dont love him then you need to divorce him. Keeping someone in limbo is such a cruel thing to do. If you are sure you are not going back and wont do mc then maybe get into some individual consoling to help you figure out your hesitation.

There are several people on here that have been held in limbo a long time by their spouses and ive felt and see the pain in others. You are young and have your lives ahead of you.
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Any advice as to why I can't start my divorce process now that I have his signature?

It sounds stupid even to me. I'm the one who wants the divorce, I know I am not in love with him anymore, but I can't get myself to start the process.

I just want to be divorced already, but can't get myself to take the next step. I don't understand... ='(
If you have his signature, and you know you don't love him and you just want to be divorced already, then perhaps you're just a very lazy person?!! Do you pay your bills on time?

On a more serious note, I believe it's because you haven't found a reason to make it official yet. Once you meet someone who has potential for a serious relationship you will feel compelled to get the divorce finalized.

On another serious note, you might be holding on to the last leverage you 'think' you have against your husband. By holding him in limbo and confused you subconsciously feel empowered.

Did you cheat on him? Did he cheat on you?
 

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Worried about how you'll be viewed maybe? I know sometimes its hard to admit failure,but right now you're in a stuck point that will keep adding to your stress.Just steel yourself to do it and you'll feel better.Making hard decisions can empower us.Good luck.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Thanks everyone for your responses <3 I guess I don't know anyone personally who is separated or has gone through a divorce so I didn't know where else to turn to then the internet.

For one, no, I don't love him anymore and I am 100% sure of that. I know thats not the reason why I haven't gone to court or started the process. It took a lot out of me to decide to leave him and I know in my heart I made the right decision.

I can see how putting someone in "limbo" can be cruel; I didn't think about it like that. But actually I feel like I'm the one in limbo if that makes any sense....

He has moved on with his life though so I don't think he's in "limbo". He moved out and we don't even speak anymore. We haven't for months and I am thankful for that. He left me to deal with the whole divorce process on my own and maybe I feel overwhelmed?

And I did feel like a failure. Like I gave up. Like I should have stayed even though I was unhappy just like my parents. I was in marriage bliss until I got to really know him. He lied to me consistently, (even though I was too blind in love to see it at the time) he was slyly manipulative, and overly jealous/controlling. I don't know for a fact if he cheated on me (thats not the reason why I left him) and no I did not cheat on him. I was faithful throughout the entire marriage; I couldn't fathom ever being interested in anyone else but him which is why I decided to marry him in the first place.

I think I'm so happy that he's out of my life that I feel going to court and starting the process will open my wounds I've tried so hard to heal? It just hurt so much to fall in love with him, get married, and then realize it was all a mistake. I felt conned and couldn't believe I was actually getting a divorce...

I know I'm not perfect and it's not solely his fault why we are getting a divorce, I am totally aware of that. My flaws were wanting to spend time with my friends from time to time and living out my youth (drinking, going out, socializing)...And ultimately falling out of love with him as soon as the blind came off.

I just want to stop running away from this and face it head on, but something is holding me back. Its BEEN holding me back for months and I can't take it anymore.

Perhaps I'm focusing on the wrong question? Maybe it shouldn't matter why I haven't done it. I guess the truth is that the pain is still there (not because I still love him...the pain stems from just the experience overall) and I'm just scared to deal with it ='(
 
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