I need some help here. How important is a wife's sexual past to other guys? I fear I'm being unreasonable and need a little feedback. Thanks
Its normal to be bothered by it imo.What I don't understand is why it bothers me so much. It was before we ever met. I don't want it to ever jeopardize our marriage.
OP, just remember that she's married to you for a reason. She loves you. People often do crazy things when they're young, but this doesn't mean that they are going to want to repeat those mistakes.@A Bit Much - We are both in love with each other and can't imagine spending our lives with anyone else.
@Cosmos - Thank you. You are helping by your advice. I really am not trying to have to justify our marriage - that's dwelling on the negative, but rather I don't want this hangup of mine hurting what I know is the best thing that ever happened to me, pasts notwithstanding
I don't think your behaviour is strange, OP - just potentially destructive if it's not dealt with.@Cosmos - Thank you. I know what you say is true. Nothing she did could ever change how much I love her now, and forever. I want to make sure this strange behavior of mine is identified, filed away, and never surfaces again. It's irrelevant.
This is just the general rule though, it doesnt apply to every woman.Sexually experienced
A woman who has had an active sex life, or who has had numerous sex partners before settling down will find it hard to stay faithful to one man.
We discussed it before marriage, but not at length. She had revealed the hard time in her life followed by a time when she "treated sex as a sport - purely physical with no emotional attachment" and she stated it was self-destructive of her at the time. She had figured she would never have another serious relationship, so she overreacted ...doing the thing (promiscuous behavior) that our culture looks down on, as a form of rebellion.If you knew about her past before you got married this should not be a problem for you. If she revealed it after marriage, that would be a BIG problem for me.
OK...you already knew that she was promiscuous prior to meeting you and that she was engaged in self-destructive behaviors regarding sex by her own acknowledgement. Clearly, you know she probably had one night stands, casual sex with male friends and acquaintances and may have had threesomes. Without being given explicit details, you basically know this already - just not the numbers. Assume a lot of men (maybe even women) and move on.We discussed it before marriage, but not at length. She had revealed the hard time in her life followed by a time when she "treated sex as a sport - purely physical with no emotional attachment" and she stated it was self-destructive of her at the time. She had figured she would never have another serious relationship, so she overreacted ...doing the thing (promiscuous behavior) that our culture looks down on, as a form of rebellion.
Thank you for reassuring me that I'm not the only one to stress over this thing! I see your point about men and women being different in the respect you mention - in the simplest, unemotional physical sense the woman is the "receiver", but the man is merely releasing. It's so fast and easy for us because it's an external thing - as an adolescent we could go behind a bush and "take matters into our own hands" when the need arises. Like some comedian said - a woman needs romance, but a man only needs a placeMy wife's sexual past - from what I can surmise and what she has told me - was below average and included only ex boyfriends. But one has to always doubt that and wonder. It drives me insane, too, but you have to accept it or move on. In my case, its very plausible and not a shock, but my personality is a very jealous one, even if it was before my time with her.
I had a much larger number than she did and it didn't chase her away. But being a single guy living on my own in a city setting, I think she just figured that's the norm.
If its wrong or not, I still view it differently between men and women and their past sex history. A guy can stick it in and walk away. But it goes inside a woman and she is violated in a way if the guy is treating her like a load rag.