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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Ok so to start I have not caught my husband cheating, he says he is not.

A little back ground we have been together for 13 years just had our first child 2 years ago, sex stopped right as I got Prego and so did our friendship, he was going out all the time with out me, I was fine with that till one day a little voice in my head said check his wallet. I have always trusted him till that day, well I looked and found a picture of some stripper he said it was bartender blah blah blah but she sure looks like a stripper to me, on the back was her name and email. Well I was mad and took off with my 6 month old at the time and stayed at a friend’s house. He called me all night long, he said she was trying to get in to this mag that we have great friends with and an in well what ever. Then I found 2 phone numbers. Then one day I found on the computer a sex site he had signed up for and he wrote some pretty awful things such as looking for friends with benefits he had gotten board with our relationship, he did not want to leave his current situation but that he just wanted something fun and new. Of course he was sorry and he loves me and he did not want me to leave, so I stayed because I gave up my carrier to stay home with my son.

Then again I went out of town to visit my sister that just had a baby, when I got back I checked the history on my computer and he did it again got onto another sex site this time he was smart and did not write anything, just set up a profile. I confronted him again and he said he was just looking at stuff. I don’t have a problem with porn but I do have trouble with this whole internet thing.

I’m not sure what to do???? I feel a fool, he makes me feel as if I’m just his maid. We don’t have sex..... If we do it is like ever 2-3 months he had fun and im sitting there asking what just happened. I mean all I want is to be told I’m pretty and thank you for taking care of me and my son. I clean houses to make some extra cash so the burden is not all on him. I also take care of all the house things and never ask him for anything. I buy all the food etc, Oh ya I am also almost back to my pre Prego weight also I have like 3-4 lb to go I fit into all my old clothes and then some. So it's not like I let my self go. I wear make up every day I do my hair. I don’t know am I doing something wrong??? Should I leave???? Should I stay??? He never talks to me, and if I try he just gets angry or he is like we are beating a dead horse. Again I feel the fool.

We never do anything as a family what I mean by that is if we do it is just what he wants to do, like met him for dinner were he had drove his Harley or go and watch him dirt bike race. It is never like lets go to the park, or just be a family and hang out and do what our son would like to do no. if we are at home he is watching TV and I am taking care of the house dinner and our son my son and I play all the time in his room or out side. I’m so lucky to be home with him and to have him in my life.

I just don’t know what I should do???????? What do you guys think???? Did he cheat? Did he just want to???? I mean man all I can think about right now is being held.. I feel as if I would almost cheat cause I feel so unloved and so deprived of that special time a couple has.

Help please give me some incite. If I don’t get it soon I feel as if I just might give up.
 

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Have you sat down, without your son around, and really talked to him and told him exactly what you told us? About wanting to be held and etc. Finding out what is wrong with you(which I don't think anything is) and just talk to him. There is a small chance you should seperate and give him time to really think about what he wants, to be with you and YOUR son, or to be with the "bartender" and online sex sites and have you as a part-time wife? I honestly wouldn't stand for crap like this. I don't mind porn either, but if I am avaliable to my husband sexually, haven't let myself go and he STILL wants to do the sex sites(even though he knows you don't like it) then I would be GONE! I wouldn't stand for that. However, you have to do whats best for you. Hope this helped some...
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thank you so much, I know I should leave. Im not sure why I dont. :( Before my son was born I would have never stood for it, now I just feel as if Im scared of the world what happened to me. I would never in a million years have taken this before, why now when I need to be stronger than ever. I also dont want my son to think he can treat women like this, this is so wrong in so many ways.

Thanks again for talking the time to read this and post somthing Im just looking for a hug, and thanks for your hug.
 

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I would suggest that you leave not because he cheated on you, since you do not know however, he keeps flirting with the idea so it may be a matter of time. Additionally he seems to put very little into the ideal of a huband and father. You deserve better then this. As you said before you never would have put up with this (so why do you now?)

draconis

draconis
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Wow great advice. I guess we all need a good kick in the head.:smthumbup: Thanks for your honesty. Now I just need to figure out when to go, ASAP I guess.

Thanks again for the cyber hugs I need them.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I did ask him to stop and I did ask him to go to counseling and all he said was oh you want to try that again?????? I swear if I have to feel as if I am half a human for one more day I’m going to pull my hair out.

I am so done with the no affection, not being appreciated. I need to remember that no matter what I deserve much more. So why can I, not do what needs to be done. I feel as if I am in quick sand and my feet wont move.

Don’t get me wrong man this man is a great friend to his guy friends etc. But he has forgotten that I was his friend in the beginning. I just think he does not want to grow up. So he takes it out on me and I then feel like I owe him somthing why????
 

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I did ask him to stop and I did ask him to go to counseling and all he said was oh you want to try that again?????? I swear if I have to feel as if I am half a human for one more day I’m going to pull my hair out.

I am so done with the no affection, not being appreciated. I need to remember that no matter what I deserve much more. So why can I, not do what needs to be done. I feel as if I am in quick sand and my feet wont move.

Don’t get me wrong man this man is a great friend to his guy friends etc. But he has forgotten that I was his friend in the beginning. I just think he does not want to grow up. So he takes it out on me and I then feel like I owe him somthing why????
convience of someone to blame for his own short comings. If he wasn't ready for marriage, and kids why did he go down that road? It isn't for you to play mommy to him. If he is bringing you down cut the ropes, he isn't even trying to save the marriage or the respect you once had for him.

"men" uugh.

BTW there are some good men out there.

draconis
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
The funny thing is my grand mother says that all men do this. WOW I can not understand why in her generation they would stand for this yicks and this is coming from a woman that had been married 5 times. And has not been in a relationship for man almost 40 years.
 

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I think the last person you should listen to is your grandmother LOL!

No, all men don't do this. Not those that are committed to their family. Who shoulder the responsibility of fatherhood and put their children ahead of themselves at all times. THAT is what most men are like, and very few are like your husband. He appears to want all the benefit of a wife and home but none of the responsibilites that go with it.

You need to take stock of yourself, you sound very organised and together, earning your own money, caring for your son and running a home. You've made an effort to reach your husband, suggested counselling, kept yourself looking nice.

Maybe it's time to get tough. Put down an ultimatum. You are not prepared to be his servant any longer, and won't let him get away with treating your home like a hotel and ignoring his child. Stop cooking and cleaning for him perhaps, tell him you will leave unless he makes major changes in his behaviour and attitude.

See what difference it makes if he realises you really mean it.
 
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