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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My wayward wife texted me today to let me know her stepmom is having heart trouble. I was really close to her stepmom and considered her a friend more than an in-law.

That got me really thinking today - wow, I'm never going to see her family again. All these people I've grown to love and accept as my own family, spent holidays and birthdays with...gone. All because she had an affair and wants to leave for someone else.

How selfish divorce is. I'm sure she never thought of how I'm losing her family. It burns me up to think he's taking my spot at the family dinner table. And it hurts to know she wants to pull herself from my family. My sisters, parents, grandparents...they just don't mean much to her. Insulting, down to the core.
 

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My wife's family became my own as well. Actually I am closer to them than she is. I finally came to realize that not all of those relationships have to end just because your spouse made bad decisions. True, you will not spend time with them as you use to. It is tough knowing that the family is together without you. I know. But you can still spend time with them without your wife if you and they want to. My soon to be ex brother in law is one of my best friends. My soon to be ex sister in law is like a sister. My soon to be ex parents still love me. Is this possible in your situation?

It also burns me that she does not care about my family. But at this point I have to stop caring what she thinks or does. I agree it is insulting to our cores.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I live across the country from her family, so not it's not possible. And the ones I'm closest to are older, not like we could just go hang out. It's kind of like 15 people I care about just died at once.
 

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You could ways ring or send a card. I know it's not the same but just to let her know you are thinking of her. My mother was heartbroken when H and I separated last year. Obviously she was upset for me but after 19 years she looked at my H as a son. I'm sure your inlaws feel the same.
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I agree with this. I have maintained a relationship with my ex's fromer step father in law (my former mother in law divorced him 3 months before my ex wife left and divorced me). I also talk to her uncle and cousin a lot. It is a female dominated family she has and all the men stuck together in a group at the holidays. A handful of them still talk to me via text, or facebook. That is tough that to her my family meant nothing.
 

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It's kind of like 15 people I care about just died at once.
I definitely get that part. I lost a large percentage of her family because it is not feasible to see them since they only get together on holidays. It leaves a huge hole. Losing all of them has been harder for me than almost anything else. And no I have not come up with a solution yet. I think the only answer is time.
 

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This is one aspect of divorce I never thought of or even heard mentioned before realizing it was happening to me. We aren't divorced yet but its a matter of time, and even though neither me nor any of my in-laws have stopped communicating, we have probably been doing it more since the separation started, it seems unlikely that things will not change. I was actually worried more about losing my in-law when this whole thing started, but they have been very supportive. I have realized things don't have to change for the worse, but they will change.
 

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I'm very close with my exs family, and he's kind of dropped out of the picture. It's tough when you're not able to see them often but I'd still keep in touch. I think it's possible too that some in law's at not be so forthcoming because they're not sure how to handle the new situation and let you make the first move whil you might think theyre not bothered. I think it's best that if you were close, you keep talking and make your feelings known.
 

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I'm in the same boat.

I considered my STBXW's family to be my second family, even if there is a language barrier there. We all got along very well.

I'm disappointed in them, though. I don't think they reached out enough to me post D-Day. I understand that blood is thicker than water, and they don't want to feel sandwiched, but it is still very hard. Not being a part of her family feels like 10 separations are happening.

Divorce sucks.
 

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This is a harsh true reality.

The more we hang on to that picture without us in it the more pain we create for ourselves.

You then begin to build a prison to store you pain.

We must accept it, devlop a new relationship with you, and let go.
 

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Ditto here! I love STBXW's Mom just as much as I loved my own. Same goes for her brother and sister and their families. And they seem to love me and my sons just as much.

It had been circulated back to me that she was falsely blaming the infidelity on me to her family members and mutual friends in order to make herself look good, but has made no mention whatsoever of her proven trysts with two men from her distant past fastly facilitated by her FB activities.

My legal counsel recommended no contact with any of her family until such time that the divorce is finalized.

Once the ink is dried on the decree, I plan on providing her brother and sister with a transcript of her phone logs and texting logs to the OM, all while we were living under the same roof, if for no other reason than to vindicate myself and let them know who the real cheater in the family is. Sad story!
 

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I was married for 11 yrs, and during that time had no local family. My stbxh's family was the only family I had around for years, and losing them all at once was very hard. He went as far as to say that if they spoke to me they'd be betraying him... Luckily his mom didn't listen. I love her and hope she is always in my life.
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