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Im not sure everyone knows my story - but I filed for D - and apparently she received the paperwork. She called me to talk about it, talk about a few money issues - since we do still have a residual shared account and our own seperate accounts. She still had things coming out of the shared account, so I needed her to put some money in there since bills I didnt know she had came out and overdrafted us. I put in some money to catch it up, and she put in a tiny bit of money. Basically she says she cant afford it. Of course, she can afford to go to an expensive concert last weekend. Im closing the account today because of this.

Anyway. We talked about a few normal things- life etc.. and I asked about halloween.. In passing I mentioned her costume. She said I never told me what she was going to be for halloween, and accused me of spying on her for knowing what she was going to wear (???) She had actually told me months ago what she was thinking about wearing. I thought that was really weird. I havent been checking on her, or even looking at the phone bill for her phone records. She obviously feels extremely guilty for something.

Long story short - I dont really care what she does - I let curiosity get the best of me and took at look at the phone bill. She has been paying it - but its in my name. Lo and behold.. she has been talking to that one guy that I caught her with much more the last week or so than normal. Like long phone calls, multiple phone calls last night.. She has also been texting a friend of her's boyfriend a LOT. Including a bunch this morning. The thing that was shocking - she made a phone call to a local STD clinic and to an OB/gyn doctor super early this morning. Around the same time she was texting her friend's boyfriend - super early in the morning. Also several really long skype calls the last couple of days are noted in the bill.

Who is this woman?? She wont let me see the child I basically took care of for several years, and is aparently seeing several guys and possibly one of her friend's boyfriends - and has possibly gotten an STD out of the deal? If this doesnt solidify my decision - Im not sure what ever would. The selfishness and childishness is overwhelming. My god Im glad I got out of this without getting AIDS.

Its like a horrible TV show - except happening in real life.
 

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Im not sure everyone knows my story - but I filed for D - and apparently she received the paperwork. She called me to talk about it, talk about a few money issues - since we do still have a residual shared account and our own seperate accounts. She still had things coming out of the shared account, so I needed her to put some money in there since bills I didnt know she had came out and overdrafted us. I put in some money to catch it up, and she put in a tiny bit of money. Basically she says she cant afford it. Of course, she can afford to go to an expensive concert last weekend. Im closing the account today because of this.

Anyway. We talked about a few normal things- life etc.. and I asked about halloween.. In passing I mentioned her costume. She said I never told me what she was going to be for halloween, and accused me of spying on her for knowing what she was going to wear (???) She had actually told me months ago what she was thinking about wearing. I thought that was really weird. I havent been checking on her, or even looking at the phone bill for her phone records. She obviously feels extremely guilty for something.

Long story short - I dont really care what she does - I let curiosity get the best of me and took at look at the phone bill. She has been paying it - but its in my name. Lo and behold.. she has been talking to that one guy that I caught her with much more the last week or so than normal. Like long phone calls, multiple phone calls last night.. She has also been texting a friend of her's boyfriend a LOT. Including a bunch this morning. The thing that was shocking - she made a phone call to a local STD clinic and to an OB/gyn doctor super early this morning. Around the same time she was texting her friend's boyfriend - super early in the morning. Also several really long skype calls the last couple of days are noted in the bill.

Who is this woman?? She wont let me see the child I basically took care of for several years, and is aparently seeing several guys and possibly one of her friend's boyfriends - and has possibly gotten an STD out of the deal? If this doesnt solidify my decision - Im not sure what ever would. The selfishness and childishness is overwhelming. My god Im glad I got out of this without getting AIDS.

Its like a horrible TV show - except happening in real life.

I am sorry you are here.

As a blindsided betrayed spouse who adored my spouse and thought he was the most honest trustworthy guy in the world, I, too, was flabbergasted by his affair and other behaviors I later learned of that I was totally unaware of.

It scares me that I thought he was someone who he obviously isn't because people with narcissistic personality disorder are known to be able to fool others easily and pass themselves off as charming and honest and trustworthy.

Narcissistic personality disorder is not curable and at the extreme end of this disorder lives the Psychopathic personality.

Scary, Indeed.
 

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Divorce is a tough process and I am sorry you are going to go through this.

Are you using a lawyer? If you are, and if she wants to talk about the D, she can call your lawyer. You need to open your own account if you have not already and you should have split the shared account in half from the start and let her pay her own bills and let her own bills overdraft her account or the shared account that you already pulled your 50% out of. Cancel her phone even though she is paying for it. Let her get it under her name, then you wont be looking at the phone bill, and she might "forget" to pay in the future, besides you are D, how long do you intend to have her phone bill in your name?

You spill a paragraph about halloween and then say "long story short you don't really care what she does" I laughed at that. THen you go on to what she is doing, its perfectly fine to vent here. :)

You're doing great, focus on yourself more and literally stop caring about what your STBXW is doing. I am not saying to stop caring about her, I mean stop monitoring her, its holding you back. Stop trying to re assure yourself of the decision you made. Decide and go forward, no looking back, slam on the gas and go !
 

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You are getting a D, who she is and what she does is no longer your problem.

On the flip side, you are free to do whatever you want guilt free as well. Your WW has problems and in the long run you'll be glad you got rid of someone with such low morals. Now you can start looking to trade up to something better.

She'll self-destruct; just don't get too tempted to pick up the pieces if it happens sooner than later.
 

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I am glad you got out too. It is so sad that she will not let you see the kid you have raised. I would not worry about what she is up to now. You have protected yourself and great job closing out the joint account. Do not let her use anymore of your money. That is unless you physically go out and buy something for the child.

Have you been tested for STDs?
 

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Discussion Starter #6
I have been tested and dont have cooties.. I havent cared what she does really, but for some reason halloween up in conversation. I did get my own bank account - and she got hers. I was mostly thinking 'what the hell is she so paranoid about?' so I let myself look at the phone bill. Probably stupid of me.
 

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J, you still need to detach more. You found out and confronted ll at the same time.

So you got your answers. Sure you miss shorty. You are human, but with the mother he has, it better that his grands are there. But you would think they would at least talk to her about that, seeing as how much you did for him.
Then again, she accused you of neglecting him, so she probably told them the same thing.
Either way, you may be better off not seeing him if it means coming into contact with her toxic butt. This is a COLD woman dude.

Hint: no more confabs now that the account is closed at all.
 

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Its easier for your STBXW to make up her own reality cuz real life is just so painful, as long as she keeps the fantasy going , in her eyes she will be alright and as long as she has someone else to blame for any unhappiness that she can't filter out with her fantasy.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Its easier for your STBXW to make up her own reality cuz real life is just so painful, as long as she keeps the fantasy going , in her eyes she will be alright and as long as she has someone else to blame for any unhappiness that she can't filter out with her fantasy.
Reality has a way of coming back to bite you in the a$$.. Im not sure how anyone can think being 30 and living with mom and dad with a child from one guy, a husband, and a very much older boyfriend who lives in a crappy apartment is the way to live. What kind of fantasy is that? To me that just sounds like a nightmare.

I just cant wait for this to all be over so that I can completely move on with my life.
 

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Discussion Starter #16
If you keep on trying to figure out this woman you'll make yourself nuts. Be thankfull she's not your responsibility anymore:confused:
Yeah.. Im not even going to confront with this new information - I wish I could just flick a switch in my mind and stop thinking about it. Its so difficult.. every little thing reminds me of the past - no matter how busy I keep myself.
 

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Sorry to see you in this place. You are lucky that you don't have anything from her bed brawls she's been having. I'd count that as a huge peace of mind.

I know it's still difficult regardless.

Best wishes and good luck!
 

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Sorry to see you in this place. You are lucky that you don't have anything from her bed brawls she's been having. I'd count that as a huge peace of mind.

I know it's still difficult regardless.

Best wishes and good luck!
Yeah, Im glad I dont have cooties.. The interesting thing is, she is keeping her relationship with this guy a complete secret. Nobody has met him - nobody knows. (except for a few people that I told she was cheating). Like her facebook has zero about this guy - still says she is married and still has a bunch of pictures of her and I together. Im not in the habit of checking her every move - and just looked after I checked the phone bill the other day wondering wth was up. Im pretty sure most of her friends think: 'what the hell are you doing?'

What she is doing is : throwing away a great life for a tingle up her skirt.. when she comes crying in a few months Ill just have to tell her that she should have thought about that before spreading her legs for a bunch of guys while married. 'ta-ta'

Im on a 2 week solo vacation starting in a week. I cant wait.
 
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