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The last few years our relationship hasn't been the greatest, but I chalked it up to being a phase and that we would get over it eventually. I just kept holding out hope, even though there were many signs I was ignoring that I should have ended it then.

The last few months have been really rough. I have constantly gone back and forth over if I want to be with him or not. After the last 3 or so months though, I've decided I'm done.

We have been together for 7 years, we aren't married, however we live together and own our house together. I started seeing him when I was just 18, he's a few years older so getting to date an older attractive man who didn't live with his parents was great. So great that I let him get away with way too much, including cheating early on. He never really respected me, but it didn't take long to wear down on my self esteem and I no longer defended myself or felt like I deserved any better.

He has classic narcissistic personality disorder "symptoms". He is very rude, condescending and patronizing not only to me, but most people in his life. He lies more than any person I know, about random silly things, and also big things. He has an obsession with being right and twists stories around to make it that way. He can do no wrong! But he never fails to point out every single flaw he thinks I have. If I say the sky is blue, he will argue until the death that it's green. He is addicted to porn and refuses to do anything about it. He constantly has inappropriate conversations with other women. He is lazy and thinks the world owes him everything. He withholds sex all the time, always has (4-6 months is usually the time between sex). If we do have sex, I have to initiate, and I do all the work. I'm young and attractive, so I don't believe that has anything to do with me (he even withheld when I was 19 and a size 4. I would greet him at the door in lingerie and he would pass me off!).

In June he said he wasn't sure if he wanted to be with me. I was upset at first, but I accepted maybe it would be better that way, and ever since then is when I was really able to step back and evaluate this relationship, and realize just how unhappy I really am. However now he acts like that conversation never happened?!

In short, I'm done with it all. I'm exhausted. I know I deserve better than this and I'm sick of wasting my life with this person.

But what the hell do I do now? We have a house together, neither of us can afford it on our own. He is the type of person who would ruin my belongings if I told him I was leaving him. We live hours and hours away from any of my family and friends, so I have no one I could even stay with. To be honest I don't feel confident enough to tell him I don't want to be with him anymore, I feel like I need to be as miserable of a person as possible so he'll break up with me instead. When he had mentioned breaking up in June, he was very civil and calm and said we would sort it all out. I just want to get back to that point and actually break up... but I don't know how to get there!

I would greatly appreciate any advice you may have!
 
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