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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Everyone please HELP! and especially men please chime in.

I already know the answer to this, but can EVERYONE please tell my H that it is NOT alright, to have his female friend, call and text 6,7,8,,20 times a day! 24/7!

She tells him when she leaves for work, when shes leaving to go home. She wants to meet up. she wants him to come over! This goes on everyday.

He thinks this isn't a problem...she's just saying hi. REALLY?

Oh and they're just friends. yeah right...

Of course I've told him this is NOT appropriate...but I'm not getting through.

I'm going to bring him on here after work or depending how late he gets home, tomorrow morning.

I would appreciate any comments anyone would like to express concerning this matter.

Please help me get through to this man!
 

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He thinks this isn't a problem
What is there to say to him you haven't said already? If this is his stance, he's not going to change his mind unless he wants to. If he won't hear it from you, he certainly wouldn't from complete strangers on the internet.

You're going to have to make a decision here. Bottom line.
 

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Please help me get through to this man!
He knows it's wrong so forget about trying to explain. The joy and power in this for a malicious spouse is watching the wife grovel and plead, pull her hair out, and grind herself into dust while you pretend it is no big deal.

So they minimize it, pretend not to understand, blame you for being over-sensitive and controlling, etc.

You stop trying to explain and start taking action. Read up on the 180 below. Don't tell him what you are doing. Just start doing it. If he wants to know, then explain calmly that his actions are unacceptable and obviously you have to prepare for the future.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Does it now? So DOES HE meet up? DOES HE come over?
All of last year, quite frequently. This year, he's met up with her to go shopping and several times to her home. The past three weeks he has not seen her in person but has phone and text contact. All without my knowledge at the time. Only way I knew was I saw them shopping they didn't see me and by looking at his cell. Otherwise I wouldn't know.
 

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Well, just ask him this. If there was a guy "friend" of mine texting me, and carrying on like that, how would that make you feel?

I use to have a guy who was just a friend but my husband didn't like me talking to him because he thought there was something going on. There wasn't. I was not interested in him like that at all. My husband thought he was a good looking guy, and I guess he wasn't bad looking, but I wasn't attracted to him at all. We use to go on double dates with him and his wife so I thought that we were all friends. But when it came to him and I being friends, his wife and my husband didn't like it at all. I did not see a problem with the friendship, until my husband said to me "what if I had some girl texting me and wanting to go to lunch with me?" once I saw it from that view I realized I would not have liked that. So I ended the friendship, ou of respect for my husband. Bottom line is, if it makes you uncomfortable and you express this to him, he should stop it. If he don't, it's time to start following him and getting the proof you need that he's doing something fishy.
 

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I'm so sorry, but I'm highly skeptical that any man would devote that much time and energy to a relationship with a woman and not be sleeping with her. :(

ETA: My husband had a "friend" just like this. And yeah, he was, indeed, having an affair with her. For nearly 3 years.
 

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You can't get through to your H by discussing this issue. As the title of your post indicates, it hasn't worked. He's being blatant. Why? Because you have not put on your big girl panties and thrown his azz out ... yet.

He's rubbing your face in the affair. Now it's time for you to get tough. REALLY tough. Stop talking. Start acting. No matter how painful it is. (And being tough includes contacting a good family law attorney to know your rights.)

Is the OW married?
 

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Next comes the "ILYBINILWY" lecture...

followed by rewriting the history of "us" and how it failed...

follwed by the "I need space" routine.

or the "No ! There is nobody else !" routine.

Then moving on to the "divorce" routine.


Did I miss anything?
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
You can't get through to your H by discussing this issue. As the title of your post indicates, it hasn't worked. He's being blatant. Why? Because you have not put on your big girl panties and thrown his azz out ... yet.

He's rubbing your face in the affair. Now it's time for you to get tough. REALLY tough. Stop talking. Start acting. No matter how painful it is. (And being tough includes contacting a good family law attorney to know your rights.)

Is the OW married?
I've been married to this man for an eternity. Longer then most peoples ages on here. So it's difficult to do.

No, the OW is divorced and is our same age. She's nothing to write home about.. but apparently rubs his ego the right way. As is always the case.
 
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