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Discussion Starter · #21 ·
when she said to you "I'm sorry, you deserve better than me" you should have said that we can both agree on....
I've said that many times. She keeps calling to ask how I'm doing and if I need anything. I keep telling her that the only thing I ever needed from her was not something she was capable of giving.
 

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Discussion Starter · #24 ·
Unless you learn to ignore you will linger. Stop keeping yourself in this and let her go.
Working on it. I didn't answer the phone today. It's hard for one because she's supposed to have the kids tomorrow, but also because of the cognitive dissonance in my mind - remembering the relationship I thought I had with the person (facade?) I thought I knew. I know that what I miss either doesn't exist any more or never did exist, but it doesn't change my longing for it. I do know, however, that in the present it is nothing more than a daydream.
 

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Don’t respond at anytime she reaches out. If it’s an emergency with the kids - she can leave a message.

the only reason she is calling you is to get something more from you. Or to manipulate you further. So just do not answer that phone/text!

stick to the agreed visitation schedule - do not sway from the schedule. She will get used to it if you stay on track and don’t ever change it. Then there’s less to talk to her about.

so short of an emergency for the kids - she shouldn’t need to contact you. That’s going to be better for YOU in the long run.
 

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Working on it. I didn't answer the phone today. It's hard for one because she's supposed to have the kids tomorrow, but also because of the cognitive dissonance in my mind - remembering the relationship I thought I had with the person (facade?) I thought I knew. I know that what I miss either doesn't exist any more or never did exist, but it doesn't change my longing for it. I do know, however, that in the present it is nothing more than a daydream.
You can effectively coparent with text or email. I’ve seen it done. Most who can’t cut contact are trying to control what they have no control over. Your choice.
 

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Discussion Starter · #27 ·
Don’t respond at anytime she reaches out. If it’s an emergency with the kids - she can leave a message.

the only reason she is calling you is to get something more from you. Or to manipulate you further. So just do not answer that phone/text!

stick to the agreed visitation schedule - do not sway from the schedule. She will get used to it if you stay on track and don’t ever change it. Then there’s less to talk to her about.

so short of an emergency for the kids - she shouldn’t need to contact you. That’s going to be better for YOU in the long run.
You can effectively coparent with text or email. I’ve seen it done. Most who can’t cut contact are trying to control what they have no control over. Your choice.
I don't want to overthink this, but there's still plenty of her stuff here (and of course she took things she wasn't supposed to, or I specifically told her not to). I agree that we can coparent via text. So I'm wondering if she deliberately left smaller things so she can have an excuse to come back or keep in contact. Or if she's just irresponsible and impulsive like usual and didn't think about it.

Half the problem now is that I don't even know what she took that she wasn't supposed to or what she left that needed to be taken. I assume if I don't miss it I don't need it. I think email is best for this - logistics only, just outlining. Don't get me wrong, I want to go minimal to no contact, but I also don't want to cause any problems before the final decree is granted. Then again maybe I'm worrying too much about that.
 

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I don't want to overthink this, but there's still plenty of her stuff here (and of course she took things she wasn't supposed to, or I specifically told her not to). I agree that we can coparent via text. So I'm wondering if she deliberately left smaller things so she can have an excuse to come back or keep in contact. Or if she's just irresponsible and impulsive like usual and didn't think about it.

Half the problem now is that I don't even know what she took that she wasn't supposed to or what she left that needed to be taken. I assume if I don't miss it I don't need it. I think email is best for this - logistics only, just outlining. Don't get me wrong, I want to go minimal to no contact, but I also don't want to cause any problems before the final decree is granted. Then again maybe I'm worrying too much about that.
Box her **** up and leave it on the porch. You are a victim only if you allow it.
 
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